Dating A Man Who’s On SnapChat Is A Red Flag. A Huge One.

My kids downloaded SnapChat for me about ten years ago andshowed me how to use it. I’d heard it was something people used but truly didn’t pay too much attention to it. I was married, didn’t worry about that stuff and neither did my then-husband. We all had fun using the filters and sending the funny pictures to each other.

Fast forward a few years and I got a divorce and my kids and I started a group chat and shared our locations with each other. And to this day, even though they are grown, we send no less than twenty snaps to each other a day. Mostly of dogs and funny things that happen to us during the day. So, when I started dating, the whole SnapChat thing wasn’t even on my radar.

Until it was.

The first experience that involved a man and SnapChat changed that. And now it’s branded in my mind. We were talking on a dating app, and to be clear he was the first person I matched with and started talking to since my divorce. We exchanged numbers, and then I got a notification that he added me on SnapChat so I added him back, thinking nothing of it.

He was texting and snapping me, just messages at first with no pictures, which I thought was weird and I was too busy to be communicating on more than one platform. So when I finally checked his snaps after he’d sent a few more and saw a message that said. “Maybe I should send you a picture so I know if I’m your type or not” with a dick picture, I quickly figured out how to get rid of him (keep in mind I wasn’t SnapChat-efficient) and blocked his number. Then I called a girlfriend of mine who had been dating for about a year and she laughed and said, “Yeah, stay away from guys who want to Snap with you because they’re snapping with like ten other women.”

I can’t prove whether that’s true or not. But what I can tell you, because I’ve experienced it, is that I did give men a few more chances on SnapChat after that experience and they were all pretty much the same. One even sent me a chat that was obviously meant for another woman.

It hasn’t been easy for me to navigate. Do I even have a right to call it a red flag if I’m willingly on the platform? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I have had a married man try to add me on SnapChat. There’s no reason for this. I’ve matched with men who tell me they only want to communicate through SnapChat, and if that’s not a glaring red flag I don’t know what is. There are men on the dating apps who write nothing in their bio except for the Snap. And I have a friend who caught her husband getting pictures through SnapChat (but also Facebook messenger and Instagram).

It sucks that we not only have to worry about partners or potential partners crossing the line in real life, but we also have apps to worry about. And I firmly believe that in order to protect a relationship, we need to get rid of all those outside distractions, even if it is just “looking” at other people, or even if our messages are, indeed, harmless. If they are harmless, there's no need to have them disappear.

There’s absolutely no reason to give your SnapChat to anyone else besides your kids (or your partner if the two of you want to use it together) if you are in a relationship. And if you’re single and you’re fine with Snapping men, that’s your prerogative. Just know that you probably aren’t the only one they’re communicating with through that damn app.

Also, and most importantly, it’s just freaking gross.

Diana Park is a writer who finds solitude in a good book, the ocean, and eating fast food with her kids.