Are You A “Financial Avoider”? PSA: It’s Not A Moral Failing

There’s a very particular kind of dread that comes with even the most mundane daily routines when money is tight.

Maybe you mentally tally up your groceries before you even get to the checkout line. Or you ignore that unopened bill sitting on top of your mail stack. You know you need to take a peek at your credit card balance, but when that thought pops into your head you tell yourself you’ll “deal with it this weekend”... only for another month to pass before you actually do look.

For a lot of people (especially right now), avoiding money is less about irresponsibility and more about feeling overwhelmed. And experts say there’s a name for that: financial avoidance.

“Financial avoidance isn’t about laziness or lack of discipline,” says Jack Howard, Head of Money Wellness at Ally Bank. “It’s often a stress response.”

Think of it as a defense mechanism. When your money situation feels uncertain or even impossible to “fix,” your brain tries to protect itself by looking the other way. Of course, most of us are also aware that this isn’t a solution that typically works out well. While avoidance can provide short-term relief, experts say it can create a cycle that ultimately makes financial stress worse.

But, you know, when you’re really struggling, it can feel like you have no other choice but to look away. The reality is that people’s fears and feelings surrounding money right now are not irrational, and their financial anxiety isn’t hypothetical. Grocery prices remain sky-high. Childcare costs are crushing. Housing, healthcare, the list goes on. We’re out here just trying to absorb rising costs when our incomes aren’t increasing to match.

Everyday life has left us stretched impossibly thin.

Still, even when the financial situation itself can’t immediately change, financial experts and behavioral scientists suggest that small, low-pressure steps can help reduce some of the anxiety that leads to financial avoidance.

What actually drives financial avoidance?

People tend to talk about finances as though it’s all practicality and no emotionality, but that’s just not the case. Experts consistently say that financial avoidance is emotional before it’s practical.

“Money is deeply emotional, often tied to feelings of fear or anxiety,” says Northwestern Mutual wealth management advisor Gabi Siegel. “These feelings might not stem from the actual dollars involved, but from physiological and emotional connections. Early experiences and how money was or wasn’t modeled growing up can have a big impact on our adult behaviors and belief systems.”

In fact, several of the experts Scary Mommy spoke to described avoidance as a protective response rooted in shame, fear, scarcity, or — you guessed it — childhood experiences around money.

Katie Dow, a wealth manager and certified financial behavior specialist, says people often absorb money anxiety early in life. It could be from watching your parents fight about finances during those formative years, feeling like there was never enough money, or feeling different from your peers because of your family’s financial situation.

Then there’s also the self-preservation component: We avoid that which might hurt us. If the brain anticipates something will feel painful, it wants to skip over it.

Dan Egan, VP of Behavioral Finance & Investing at Betterment, points out that this is known as “the ostrich effect,” aka sticking your head in the proverbial sand so you don’t have to see or hear something negative to you.

Two other mechanisms also drive avoidant behavior: selective attention and shame as an accelerant. And when you look at these things in totality, says Egan, “Financial avoidance is a predictable output of how the brain processes information that carries emotional weight.”

Does financial avoidance affect women differently?

We all know that as women and as moms, we carry a lot. Does that make us more prone to financial avoidance? Experts seem split on that notion, but many do believe women carry a unique emotional and cognitive burden around money.

“For women, there may be a unique mix of expectations and responsibilities that influence their relationship with money, whether that’s managing day-to-day household finances, planning for long-term goals, or navigating major life expenses,” explains Howard. “That combination can sometimes translate into a higher level of day-to-day financial stress or mental load.”

This may lead to a “perfection loop,” she says, where women feel pressure to fully understand everything or make the “right” decision before taking action. And you know where that leads: overresearching, second-guessing, and putting things off.

Sarah Newcomb, a behavioral scientist at Edward Jones, notes that avoidance often goes up when people’s “cognitive resources are depleted.”

Like, you know, moms having to make a million invisible decisions a day.

“Avoidance acts as an emotional coping mechanism,” says Newcomb. “Putting off a financial task provides immediate relief, which trains the brain to repeat the behavior. However, this creates a backlog of unmade decisions that ultimately compounds stress, mental clutter, and feelings of shame.”

We also can’t overlook the fact that society sets women up for financial anxiety and avoidance.

“Because women in the U.S. face persistent wage gaps and are more likely to be single heads of household, they are disproportionately exposed to the conditions that generate avoidance, like financial scarcity, shame, and low perceived control,” says Egan. “Women are also more likely to internalize financial struggle as personal failure (shame-prone attribution), which the evidence shows as the primary behavioral driver of disengagement.”

How do you stop avoiding your finances when everything already feels overwhelming?

It’s rough out there right now. Everything’s expensive. Where do we even start?

The answer is not shaming yourself, or attempting to overhaul your entire financial life in one night. The idea is to just start small and find habits that feel sustainable.

Make Time for Mini Money Check-Ins

Howard’s a big proponent of “low-pressure money check-ins,” where you set aside just five or 10 minutes to “open your bank app, review a statement, or look at one bill.” This helps build confidence, which in turn helps you, well, avoid avoidance.

Reframing Your Thinking

As with most things in life, a small shift in perspective can make a huge difference.

“Reframe opening a bill from a source of stress to an opportunity for control,” suggests Newcomb. “Use a specific, reassuring statement when confronting financial tasks. For example, if you feel overwhelmed, tell yourself, ‘It will only take five minutes to close this loop and free my mind.”

To that end, it could also help to reframe how you think about yourself with money.

“If your default thought is, ‘I’m bad with money’ or ‘I’m behind,’ that can create anxiety that leads to avoidance. Reframing that to ‘I’m learning’ or ‘I’m making progress,’ can change how you feel, and ultimately how you act,” says Howard.

Embrace Automation

When you’re a mom, the mere idea of adding anything else to the list can trigger avoidance. So, put systems into place that work for you.

“Set up automatic bill pay, savings contributions, or investments,” says Siegel, pointing out, “For myself, and many other moms, our days can be filled with decision overload. Automation helps reduce stress because it’s something you don’t actively have to think about while juggling soccer practice, school pick-ups, lunch money, and the laundry list of items on our radar.”

Talk About It

According to Siegel, a recent Northwestern Mutual survey found that 60% of respondents cited money as the number-one subject they’re least comfortable bringing up. And the experts insist it’s time to open up those money conversations.

“Money can feel isolating, but talking openly with friends, family, or a trusted advisor can help relieve pressure. That transparency can create space for support and accountability, even turning something stressful into a shared experience — like having a friend help you sort through bills or organize financial tasks,” says Howard.

Sit With Your Financial Feelings

Arguably, the most important takeaway is this: avoiding money is not a moral failing. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It doesn’t even necessarily mean you’re bad with money. Honestly, when so many people are feeling financially squeezed, avoidance is a response that’s more understandable than ever.

In other words, you’re definitely not alone.

Financial avoidance exists on a spectrum. For some people, avoidance might look like having financial stability but procrastinating on retirement planning. For others, it’s tied to genuine scarcity and choices that feel impossible. I mean, no budgeting can solve wages that don’t cover basic living expenses.

What you ultimately need to know is that financial avoidance doesn’t make you lazy or irresponsible. More often than not, it means you’re overwhelmed. Stressed. Just trying to survive in a world that feels like it’s bleeding you dry.

But experts say that small acts of engagement, done consistently (and with as little self-shame as you can muster), can help you at least feel like you have a little more control.