10 Traits That Are Absolutely Necessary In A Good Mom Friend, According To Moms

Their responses were all-too-relatable, from not competing with you to treating your kids like their own.

Mom friends hang out with their kids, laughing and enjoying each other.
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You know those days when your kid has a kicking-and-screaming meltdown in the middle of the store? Or those nights when they refuse to sleep in their own bed, leaving you feeling completely drained the next day? There's one thing that always makes me feel better after times like this: venting to my close mom friends. They always know how to listen, not judge me, and make me feel like they totally get it. Motherhood really wouldn't be the same without them.

We asked our Scary Mommy readers on Facebook about the traits they consider absolutely necessary in a good mom friend. Their responses were all-too-relatable, from not competing with you to treating your kids like their own.

Read on for the qualities that are most important to them.

1. They know how to help you when you need it most.

"A good mom friend shows up when you need help and knows they can ask for it in return without keeping score." — Megan O'Meara

"It's someone who will grab your kids to give you a much-needed break on a terrible day." — Debra Wright Hayek

2. There is no drama.

"My main requirement is zero drama/guilt … stuff happens as parents that we can't always control or have the energy to work around, and we have to give each other grace." — Sarah Dulak

"A good trait is a mom friend who you can forget to text for weeks at a time and be able to pick up where you left off with no hard feelings." — Sarah Dulak

"She knows life happens and we have our own stuff to deal with, so she understands we're still friends even though we may go days, weeks, or even months without talking." — Jennifer Hopper McClanahan

3. They treat your kid like their own.

"They love my kid as if they were their own and treat them accordingly. This means that we each contribute to each others' 'village' for raising our kids." — Sarah Boyd Alvarez

"They treat my kid like their own, whether that's calling out bad behavior that I may not have seen or being there to cheer them on/celebrate them." — Erin Daily

4. They like to laugh and make you laugh.

"They must have a sense of humor and not take themselves too seriously." — JayMe B Adams

"Most importantly, I look for someone who just 'gets me': my sense of humor, my quirks, etc." — Ashley Butler

5. You have similar core parenting values.

"For me, it's about how you parent your own kids. I can't tell you how hard it is to maintain a friendship when core parenting values aren't aligned. I'm not talking about no candy, no sleepovers, or early bedtimes. I'm talking about letting children hear and be a part of adult conversations, seeing your child physically hurt another and not disciplining on the spot, or kids talking back to their parents." — Claribel Barrera

6. They are not competitive with you.

"The best mom friends I have don't play 'Comparathon' and 'Mompetition' games. We support, cheer on, and encourage each other through whatever issues we each may be facing." — Jennifer W. Frank

"I look for a friend who does not try to one-up you and compete when you have good news about your child." — Robin Frydman Schall

"I like someone who is genuinely rooting for you and your children to succeed." — Stacie Hawes

7. They don't judge you.

"They understand what works for them and their family may not work for you and yours and vice versa." — Jen Taylor

"Listening without judgment is necessary … There is not a one-size-fits-all approach to raising children, and we're all learning as we go." — Ali Brennan List

"It's someone who you don't feel like your house needs to be spotless before they come over. They take you as you are, hot mess and all." — Amanda Barrett

8. They make sure it's not a one-sided friendship.

"They invite you to things and make an effort to come to things you invite them to. It's not one-sided, with one person doing all the inviting. And conversations go both ways, not always one person doing all the talking. You both ask about each other and care about what's going on in each other's lives." — Paul Crystal Roop

9. They don't gossip.

"Good friends don't gossip and share the stories you shared with them with everyone else they talk to." — Nil O Young

10. You can be raw and honest with them.

"A good mom friend is someone who is real about how hard it is sometimes to be a mom — not always sunshine and roses." — Beth Reed

"It's someone who is not afraid to be raw and have difficult conversations. If you are hearing something about my child, as my friend, you should be able to tell me." — Meg Run

"It's someone you can have those tough and honest conversations with — whether it's about your kids or yourselves — and feel safe doing so." — Deidra Porcelli

Responses have been lightly edited for clarity.