Is The "Soft Life" Trend Compatible With Modern Motherhood?
I, too, would like to lie in the grass and stare at the clouds, but we've got soccer practice to get to.
Social media hasn't always brought a lot of goodness into our lives, but the "soft life" trend feels like the perfect treat. It's been a popular one over the last few years (especially on TikTok), thanks to the Nigerian influencer community, reported Forbes, and is a complete antithesis to the hustle culture and #girlboss era of the 2012- 2018ish era of social media. Less "leaning in" and more "lying down in the grass." It's all about pushing for happiness and not seeing success in your job or career or corporate life as the biggest achievement in your life. It's about knowing what's really important and focusing on what makes you feel good and your best — more rest days, more casual walks instead of forced exercise routines, more cooking lazy dinners instead of spending a day in meal prep mode, just more softness in our lives. Less relentless productivity, more living our actual lives.
But is that something the modern mom can do? Or is the "soft life" fully out of reach?
Well. It really depends.
"As a therapist for new mothers, I view the 'soft life' trend as a reflection of something many mothers are craving and desperately need in an incredibly overstimulating world," Salina Grilli, LCSW, Columbia-trained psychotherapist specializing in perinatal and postpartum mental health, tells Scary Mommy.
"It's a powerful counter-narrative to the burnout-inducing, hustle culture where children are over-scheduled and not given enough space for exploration and simple, open play. And, where moms are expected to do it all and be it all," she adds.
But if you search #softlife on TikTok, you aren't finding the exact same scenario on every video and post. Some of them feature a woman buttering bread by an open window, while others are giving tips on how to live a #softlife and suggest things like getting dressed every day so you feel your best self. Some videos focus more on finding a hobby to do at the end of the day that doesn't fuel any productivity graphs in your mind — it's just for fun — while others are about building boundaries and protecting your inner peace.
"While most moms aren't spending their days baking bread from scratch, the core idea of prioritizing and intentionally choosing rest and slowness is something I encourage in my clinical work every day. This can simply look like leaving a morning open on the weekend without scheduled activities," Grilli suggests.
The #softlife can look different for everyone, just like motherhood. So you have to find the properties of living a soft life that appeal to you most and prioritize those — and I think you'll find that the things you want out of a soft life are also the things you want out of motherhood. You know, things like peace and security and comfort and ease. (Not that motherhood is known for giving us all those things all the time, but stick with me.)
"As a mom myself, I can attest that motherhood is busy, but at the same time, motherhood offers so many moments for slowing down and just being, if you're open to them," says psychologist Dr. Hannah Holmes. "Just the other day, my husband and I were taking a walk with our daughter, who stopped frequently to investigate mundane things: sticks, wildflowers, leaves. We often maintain such busy lifestyles that this type of meandering can cause impatience or boredom, and there can be a tendency to want to rush your child along. But if you can take these small moments to follow your child's curiosity and look at the world through their eyes, you can find a restorative, peaceful slowness — even if it's only for brief moments throughout an otherwise busy day."
But you also have to remember that social media is a lie. Aesthetics are there to mess with your head. Of course we all wish every day of our soft lives included flowing curtains in the breeze and reading books in the sunshine and rocking babies to sleep on the front porch during a spring storm — but the reality is, our soft lives are going to really be soft moments that happen each day to make up a whole soft life. Like this lovely TikTok from user @nicoleamymarie, showing little snippets of her life that add up to give her all she ever wanted.
"I recommend that moms keep in mind that well-meaning trends can unintentionally add more pressure — so don't let the 'soft life' trend add another item to your 'good mom' checklist," Holmes adds. "Let it be an inspiration for slowing down and living mindfully instead of an obligation that makes you feel like you aren't measuring up on busy, not-soft-life days."
You're still going to have soccer practice. You're still going to feel the weight of your responsibilities. You're still going to have kids who turn their noses up at the perfect pot roast dinner you spent an entire Sunday afternoon cooking.
But if you can light a candle at bedtime and read or if you can take your kids on a long, slow walk this summer or you can spend 15 extra minutes memorizing the way your baby's eyelashes curl against her cheeks when she's falling asleep in your arms, then girl, you're living the #softlife.
Maybe the soft life as you see it on TikTok isn't compatible with modern motherhood, but I'm not certain anything you see on TikTok is fully compatible with any life. It's all make-believe, all designed to make you want it, all designed to influence you into thinking you could have the same exact life if you'd just buy this dress, use this makeup, or try this recipe. We know it's fake.
But if what you want out of a soft life is happiness and a little extra sigh in the middle of the day — the kind that makes you think, "this right here is everything I ever wanted" — then yes, I think it's compatible with motherhood.
Because what could be easier than leaning into loving yourself — and your life with your kids — a little more?
