5 New Things To Try In Bed This Month If Your Winter Sex Needs A Little Spice

When you’ve been with your person for years, you’ve probably done your fair share of spicing things up. You’ve bought the novelty toys, tried the handcuffs, explored even your most random, passing fantasies. But not every new thing you try in the bedroom has to be a big undertaking, nor do you always have to purchase something to add. In fact, changing the pace of your sex might be one of the most interesting things you can do, and it’s totally free.

Scary Mommy spoke with Angie Rowntree, ABS, founder and director of Sssh.com, an online destination for sex-positive, ethical porn, for her best ideas to spice up your sex life this winter.

1. Pleasure Mapping

Pleasure mapping is the practice of exploring your own body, learning what kinds of touch and pressure you like where and what feelings they produce. “If you prefer a no-pressure solo exploration session that might open you up to new erogenous zones, pleasure-mapping is the place to start,” says Rowntree.

Guided masturbation can be a helpful tool when you want to set aside time to play around, but feel like you need some sort of, well, guidance. There are lots of apps and feminist porn sites that offer video and audio to get you started with pleasure mapping.

2. Choose A Signature Sexy Time Scent

If it feels hard to switch gears from work and mom mode into the more intimate you, using a mental cue like a scent can help your brain switch gears more smoothly. Choosing a scent together with your partner can be a fun activity that connects you in and out of the bedroom, and it feels like a lasting addition to your sex life.

“Whenever the mood strikes, pair that with a sensual, craveable aroma. Maybe it’s jasmine-scented massage oil, a sandalwood candle, a yummy vanilla-caramel body lotion, or even your lucky ‘going out perfume’ or a new signature scent you pick out,” Rowntree says. “Whatever your nose ‘knows’ to associate with sexy good times will hardwire your brain into going there. This means that when you get a whiff, it’s much easier to help get into that sensual, receptive frame of mind that good sex depends on.”

3. Super Slow Foreplay

Slow-burn romance novels are all the rage right now, so why not carry over the theme into your actual sex life? “If you need time to build your arousal or your partner struggles with maintaining an erection, then a slow-burn foreplay marathon is the sporting event you need to experience this season,” Rowntree says.

She’s not kidding when she says marathon: “We’re talking extended warmup — like 45 minutes — with an initially non-genital focus that heaps on the praise and adoration. Stretch marks? Scars? Hairy backs? All sexy. This isn’t a rush to orgasm, so much as it is a space to marvel and let your touches linger and wander. If you find yourselves flowing into oral or penetrative play, great, but there’s no rush to get there.”

4. Edging

You may have heard of edging, which Rowntree describes as “the act of taking yourself or your partner right to the brink of orgasm but then dialing back the stimulation to prolong that state of arousal.”

Not only can edging offer a change of pace (even the spiciest of us all probably fall into routines in the bedroom), but it’s great for couples who don’t have a 100% orgasm success rate — which is most couples, for the record.

“If you struggle sometimes to orgasm or your partner experiences erectile issues, edging takes the pressure off because you can go, and dial back, and go again, like riding the waves until you’re both satisfied enough to catch that big one and ride into shore,” says Rowntree.

5. Try A Cocktail Hour

For those of us who need to feel emotionally connected to be turned on, Rowntree suggests instituting a cocktail hour before getting into bed.

“If you and your partner don’t regularly check in with each other, not just about work and kids, it’s time to step back and carve out some time that’s just about the two of you,” she says. “Chances are you tell each other things like ‘We need X at the store’ or ‘Can you load the dishwasher?’ But what about the spicy fun things? If you aren’t already sharing what you both like in bed or would like to try out next, now is also the time to start doing that.”

So make a couple of nice drinks together or pop a bottle of red. Dim the lights. Maybe you could bring a few conversation starters to get the mood going. “Tell me about a moment lately you thought I looked amazing but maybe didn’t say it. I’ll go first.” “Have you had any sex dreams recently? What were they about?” By the time you finish your drinks, you’ll be deeply in the mood.