just gonna lay here

Sunday Scaries Came For Me, & I Hid

Procrastination wins every time, and I’m not even mad about it.

Charles Gullung/The Image Bank/Getty Images

I am lying in bed Sunday afternoon, frozen. I’m worn out from the previous week and overwhelmed by everything I have to do the next and it’s got me stuck underneath my warm covers. I hear the shouting of my kids from the living room. I pull the covers up over my chin, hide and seek, except I don’t want to be found.

I call it self care, but I know very well that I am actually hiding from my to-do list. And of course that just makes that daunting docket of responsibilities grow even longer. I’m only making it worse for myself! The vacuuming, the dishes that keep piling up, the dinner that needs prepared…the same tasks as yesterday, the same ones that will be there tomorrow. And yet, here I am, snuggled down.

Time to tackle my weekend to-do list is running out. I scold myself for not doing enough on Saturday. I had so many hours, what did I even do? It seems like nothing. I did clean up the kitchen and I did the laundry for the week with my husband. I went grocery shopping alone, a nice little reprieve in the day. I made breakfast, lunch, and dinner and retrieved anywhere between ten and fifty snacks for two children. And that doesn’t include much of the normal day-to-day list!

Weekend nights are filled with family board games and watching a movie. I don’t have the energy to do much of anything else. After the kids go to bed, my husband and I usually watch a movie. We have conversations without interjections of random animal facts or requests for more snacks. It is then that I turn my back on the messy kitchen — my procrastination cycle begins. I leave it for the next day, creating a never-ending “I’ll just do this later” cycle.

As I continue to lie in bed, I groan, noticing the first hints of dusk. The guilt starts to whisper that my husband has been parenting alone for the better part of the afternoon… but I can push that aside easily. I’ve also heard him banging around in the kitchen, which hopefully means he’s been cleaning. We both work during the week and share a good amount of the chores around the house. But I know I will soon have to surrender my rest period and return to chores and my to-do list.

I glance at the clock and realize I’ve left myself precisely 30 minutes to make dinner, vacuum the floors, and put my own laundry in the machine. “Okay,” I tell myself, “you have to go… now!” Taking a deep breath to muster the energy, I bolt out of bed with determination and storm down the hall. A whirlwind of chopping vegetables and picking up clutter while the water boils and sauce simmers, I am suddenly able to accomplish everything I set out all afternoon. Procrastination wins again, and I am none the wiser.

Why did I do this to myself? Was lying down really worth it? Well, I was tired… and yes it was worth it. The weekdays feel grueling at times — waking up early to frantically pack lunches and send the children to school, then I immediately sit down in my basement office and start my remote job. I have set hours so I work 8-5 daily. As soon as I close my computer for the day I run upstairs to make dinner, and the cycle repeats. So yes, a Sunday lie-down once in a while seems like a necessity.

I’m not very organized. I prefer not to run on a schedule outside of work because it overwhelms me. This is just the way I am — I need the last minute rush in order to accomplish my tasks. As much as I’d love to develop a strategy to stay on top of the everyday chores on top of work and parenting, something tells me old habits are hard to shake. And I don’t know how much I should fight it anyway, my bed on Sunday afternoons is so very comfortable.

CJ Kelsey is a wife and mother two and she had her family live in the metro Detroit area. She works as a physical therapist and in her spare time enjoys reading, baking and writing in her blog mommingonfumes.com.