Educators Get Honest About 11 Things They Secretly Wish Parents Would Stop Doing

As parents, most of us are just out here doing our best, trying to help our kids survive and thrive in a world that gets more complicated with every passing day. Unfortunately, there really is no end-all, be-all guidebook on parenting, which means we’re going to mess up — and since school is a huge part of kids’ lives, parents face a lot of room for error. Sometimes, we unwittingly get in the way or create more work for our children’s teachers. But we can’t fix it if we don’t realize we’re doing it, so Scary Mommy decided to go directly to the source, asking educators: What do you secretly (or not so secretly) wish parents would stop doing?

And because teachers are truly incredible, they gamely gave us some thoughtful and measured feedback that we can hopefully learn from and use to grow. Here are a few of the habits they wish parents would quit bringing into the classroom.

Pushing Back Against Appropriate Consequences

“The most glaring of these are when parents complain to a teacher or administrator about a behavior rule being enforced and push back against it. An example is when a student violates the technology AUP (Acceptable Use Policy), and the teacher enforces the consequence. Let's say a student uses a school device in an unacceptable way, such as to bully another student online. The student is expected to accept the punishment as stated in the AUP to reteach behavioral expectations. It is common for a parent to push back against the enforcement, making excuses for the child, like claiming the punishment is unfair or arbitrary, expecting them to read that whole AUP document is unrealistic, their child was just joking, or that other kids do it and no one catches them.” — Sari Goodman, former elementary school administrator and founder of The Parental Edge

“Grades are not something that are determined on a whim, nor can they be changed. Grades represent a student’s understanding of a course or standards pertaining to that course. Students are given multiple opportunities to show their teacher their understanding. Once the grade is administered, there are usually no more opportunities to show their teacher.” — Dr. Michelle Fitzgerald, executive director of advocacy and networking at Instructional Empowerment

Rushing the Learning Process

“It seems many parents are more interested in seeing forward progress over skill acquisition. Particularly in online learning, where parents see reports of their child’s progress, I see parents overemphasizing speed and completion instead of comprehension and skill development. Learning takes time and lots of repetition, regardless of a child’s age or ability level, and children need ample time to explore and tinker with concepts to better understand them and retain that knowledge moving forward. The concept of fast-tracking or skipping ahead in online learning platforms can equally be detrimental when foundational knowledge is assumed and then it is discovered, too late, that core knowledge was missed in favor of what appeared to be rapid forward progress.” — Bill Marsland, longtime educator and current director of education & training at Code Ninjas

Enabling Over-Dependence

“The one thing I would really love parents to stop doing is robbing their children of a sense of responsibility, resourcefulness, and self-reliance. That's my polite way of saying, ‘Stop doing everything for them!’ Many children veer toward helplessness in the presence of their parents because the parents are too willing to do everything, from packing their bags to doing their homework.” — Jacqueline Spencer-Samaroo, teacher with nearly two decades of experience

“As a college prep tutor, what I secretly wish parents would stop doing is stepping too far into the process and unintentionally taking the reins away from their kids. I know parents mean well, but when they micromanage every assignment, essay draft, or scheduling decision, it often strips students of the ownership and independence they need to thrive in college and beyond. My most successful students are the ones whose parents give them space to problem-solve, while still offering steady encouragement in the background.” — Dan Godlin, founder of College Commit

Not Making Rest a Part of the Equation

“I want parents to know that school is hard work! While some students need after-school remediation and homework support, the rest of their time should be spent recharging and doing the things they love. When students are over-scheduled with non-stop tutoring and extra-curricular activities, they often come to school physically and mentally exhausted, unable to focus and learn. The best balance is supporting academics, while also protecting time for strengths, joy, and play!” — Emily Lowe, founder at Big Brain Coaching

“There are parents who don’t make sure their children get enough sleep each night, so they come to school tired, cranky, and have trouble focusing and learning.” — Goodman

Underestimating the Importance of Routine

“Parents who send their kids to school well-rested, fed, and secure in the routines that support their school demands are the greatest partners a teacher could have. Reading together, committing to a regular bedtime, making a space and atmosphere that supports homework may seem like small steps, but they have a big impact in the classroom. On the flip side, ignoring the fact that your child is on TikTok until midnight, rushing kids out the door without breakfast, and expecting kids to complete homework while their concentration competes with video games, their phones, and an overly aggressive extra-curricular schedule is a recipe for academic disaster.” — Dr. Pamela Roggeman, former teacher and current dean of the College of Education at the University of Phoenix

“The teacher and the parent need to be a team for the best of the child. Part of the teamwork requires that routines and expectations are the same. Parents should make sure students follow appropriate bedtime routines, complete their homework, and eat well. Additionally, parents should be sure to limit tardies, absences, and vacations so students are in school as much as possible ... Instruction is very important for students to engage in. When parents take their child out for vacations or don’t worry about tardies or absences, it is difficult for the child to engage in meaningful instruction.” — Fitzgerald

“Rescuing” Your Kid From Failure

“Not creating a reality for your kids where they know that ‘I'm loved and capable.’ All success starts from this foundation. Loved, even when I fail. Capable to not only succeed when I don't give up, but bounce back stronger when I fail.” — Justin MacDonald, head of The Academy at District Church

“This often comes in the form of giving their child the answer as soon as they indicate a block in learning, providing hints that basically give the answer away, or stepping in too early. Learning truly occurs when students engage in productive struggle, taking them to the point of cognitive complexity just beyond their current level. Additionally, rescuing their child too early teaches them that they can shut down and their parent will rescue them. The problem with this is that the child will never learn perseverance when learning gets hard.” — Fitzgerald

Not Communicating... Or Overstepping Communication

“We have only one ‘rule’ for our parents: Be Cool. If it doesn't pass the ‘cool’ test, don't do it. Late-night frustrated text message... not cool. Bad-mouthing another kid... not cool.” — MacDonald

“Teachers love proactive communication. For younger kids, they hope parents are checking newsletters, asking their kids about what they did in school, and reaching out early and often to let the teacher know what is going on in their child’s life. What teachers don’t appreciate is late-night attempts by parents to contact the teacher.” — Roggeman

“Teachers have set communication windows. Most schools ask teachers to reply to parents within 24 hours. During a school day, teachers’ priorities are instruction, planning, and assessment. They will have set times they have to reply to parents.” — Fitzgerald

Having or Encouraging a Negative Attitude

“Students, for the most part, like their teachers, especially in the early grades. A basic psychological need students must have met to be successful in school is relatedness. They need to feel they belong. They will not want to belong to a school or classrooms where they feel it is negative. Negativity takes away trust and authority from the teacher and school. It also teaches the child that they can be negative about someone due to differences.” — Fitzgerald

“Parents’ attitudes toward learning really matter. When kids see their parents respecting the process, valuing effort, and keeping communication constructive, they carry that energy into our tutoring sessions. But when students hear negativity, like ‘you’re just not a math person’ or ‘you’ll never get into X school,’ it shuts them down before they even try. The best partnerships happen when parents trust me to do my job, give their child space to grow, and stay focused on the bigger picture: building skills and confidence that last well beyond the admissions cycle.” — Godlin

Focusing Too Much on Grades

“When a parent only asks about final grades, they are showing their child that the only thing that matters is the final outcome. They need to shift this to asking about their child’s learning. Asking them about their learning and helping them with it shows your child that the learning and strategies they use during their learning are what is most important.” — Fitzgerald

“Another big challenge is when parents set unrealistic expectations about test scores or college lists without considering the student’s strengths, interests, and overall mental health. When kids are pressured to live up to someone else’s vision, they often burn out or lose confidence. My role is to guide them toward opportunities that fit who they are, not just what looks impressive on paper.” — Godlin

Modeling a Fixed Mindset

“Parents are not aware of this language, unless they are educators themselves. When parents adopt a fixed mindset, it can be detrimental for students. The parent will focus on where they are and try to get them to fit into that instead of a growth mindset, knowing that knowledge will grow with effort and feedback.” — Fitzgerald

“Something else I wish more parents understood is that real progress in academics doesn’t happen overnight. If a student struggles with math or writing, it takes time, consistency, and patience to build mastery. Constantly asking for quick results or comparing their child to others usually backfires. What students need most is a growth mindset reinforced both at home and in our sessions.” — Godlin

“What if you taught your kids that they can learn something valuable from every person in their life? What if you taught your kids that they can conquer challenges in any form in their lives? What if instead of shielding them from those challenges, you were there to help them make sense of it and how they can navigate it? What if the goal of learning was more about your kid learning how they learn than the subject matter itself? You'd make a competent life-long learner.” — MacDonald

Expecting Teachers to Teach Everything

“There's one thing teachers wish parents would stop doing, and it's not a secret to any attentive parent. The wish is that parents would stop outsourcing their parental responsibility, in particular, their children's education. Far too many moms, dads, and guardians have become the 'Great Outsourcers.' We outsource discipline, social and emotional growth, and even intellectual development. Then, when things go awry because of our failures at home, we audaciously expect teachers to fix what we were derelict about at home ... Teachers didn't enter the profession to raise your children.” — Nathaniel A. Turner, JD, MALS, author and co-founder of The League of Extraordinary Parents

“Some parents think that teachers are responsible for everything: reading, math, social skills, behavior, maybe even shoe-tying. The reality is that teachers are experts in instruction. That is what they are trained to do. While teachers have behavior expectations for how students interact with each other in their classrooms, teachers cannot be expected to teach their students ‘core’ values, such as persistence, empathy, responsibility, and kindness.” — Roggeman

“I hope every parent realizes and accepts this: You are the leader of your family and your children. Do not outsource that. Partner with capable teachers, coaches, mentors, and guides for your kids. But you can never abdicate the responsibility of training your children ... You can't raise up responsible, driven leaders if the adults aren't responsible, driven leaders.” — MacDonald