If you’re a parent of young children, you might be asking yourself, “What is this ‘sleep’ you speak of?”
Parents learn to live on little to no sleep. We understand that trying to get kids to sleep is like trying to tame a pack of hyenas.
Once we finally get them to bed, our nights are filled with kids who wake up in the middle of the night because they need to use the bathroom, or had a bad dream, or need a drink of water, or want to stress-eat half a block of cheese. (Okay, that last one might have been me.)
Then our kids wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and need us to help them with everything all over again. I will never understand why they don’t want to sleep; it’s literally the only thing I want to do.
Luckily, the hilarious people of Twitter also understand what it’s like to have an elusive love affair with sleeping.
We start fantasizing about sleep from the moment we wake up:
Especially when we’re woken up when it’s still dark out:
Although parting with our bed is never easy:
As soon as we leave the house, we start thinking about when we can go home:
And when we meet up with other parents, we’re usually talking about how much we miss it:
We’re not above bribing our kids to let us sleep:
But that’s easier said than done:
If we ever get around to inventing time travel, we know what we’ll do first:
Or teleportation, for that matter:
Becoming a sleep-deprived parent definitely changes your perspective on things:
On lots of things, actually:
In fact, too much sleep deprivation can really take its toll:
But no matter what, our end goal is always clear:
And sleep is our absolute favorite kind of plans:
Even on those rare nights we get some alone time with our spouse:
But let’s be honest, those nights alone are few and far between:
And getting the kids to sleep is half the battle:
Maybe closer to three-quarters of the battle:
Okay, most of the battle:
But once we’re out, there’s very little that can deter us from staying asleep:
We used to fantasize about traveling the world and doing all sorts of sexy things, but now all we want is some silence and 8–10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Luckily, the holidays are right around the corner. I’ll take a hotel room to myself and some melatonin, please.