45+ Funny And Relatable 'Mad Men' Quotes That Best Advertise The Show

by Laura Grainger
Originally Published: 
mad men quotes

Mad Men wrapped up in 2015 ago after seven seasons of drama and martinis. Set in the 60s, the show followed the employees and boy’s club culture of a New York City-based advertising agency, capturing the massive cultural change the decade brought to the country and the agency. Between the timely outfits and hairdos, whip-sharp wit and ambition from Peggy (Elizabeth Moss) and, let’s be real, the beautiful Don Draper (Jon Hamm), there was plenty to keep us hooked to our screens for its eight-year run.

We’ve compiled a list of some of the funniest quotes from Mad Men to look back on. Have a read of these one-liners and monologues from all your favorite big-shots and let them take you back to a whole different era.

“Those people – in Manhattan – they are better than us. Because they want things they haven’t seen.” –Peggy

Don: “Let me ask you something: what do women want?”

Roger: “Who cares?”

“You’re never gonna get that corner office until you start treating Don as an equal. And no one will tell you this, but you can’t be a man. Don’t even try. Be a woman. Powerful business when done correctly. Do you understand what I’m saying, dear?” –Bobbie

Betty: “What would you do if you were me? Would you love you?”

Don: “I was surprised you ever loved me.”

“I’m just acknowledging that life, unlike this analysis, will eventually end, and somebody else will get the bill.” –Roger

“You always say, if you don’t like what they’re saying about you, change the conversation.” –Peggy


“Young men love risk because they can’t imagine the consequences.” –Bert

“Is this some sort of thing like in the movies where I have a gun and you don’t think I’m going to shoot you? I will shoot you.” –Pete

“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it – because we want them to be who we want them to be.” –Don

“At some point, we’ve all parked in the wrong garage.” –Roger

“So what am I supposed to do, dangle a Pepsi out the window and see if I can hook a stroller?” –Don when told to hire young people

“I’m Peggy Olson and I wanna smoke some marijuana.” –Peggy

“I don’t know why I’m here. I mean, I do. I’m nervous, I guess. Anxious. I don’t sleep that well. And my hands. They’re fine now; it’s like when you have a problem with your car and you go to a mechanic and it’s not doing it anymore. Not that you’re a mechanic. I guess a lot of people must come here worried about the bomb. Is that true? It’s a common nightmare, people say. I read it in a magazine. My mother always told me that it wasn’t polite to talk about yourself. She passed away recently. I guess I already said that.” –Betty (to her therapist)

“Well, I gotta go learn a bunch of people’s names before I fire them.” –Roger

“The president is a product. Don’t forget that.” –Pete

“You know what would make you feel better? Drugs.” –Amy

“One day you’re there and then all of a sudden there’s less of you. And you wonder where that part went, if it’s living somewhere outside of you, and you keep thinking maybe you’ll get it back. And then you realize, it’s just gone.” –Peggy

“And let’s also say that change is neither good or bad, it simply is.” –Don

Peggy: “Sex sells.”

Don: “Says who? Just so you know, the people who talk that way think that monkeys can do this. They take all this monkey crap and stick it in a briefcase, completely unaware that their success depends on something more than shoeshine. You are the product. You feeling something. That’s what sells. Not them. Not sex.”

“I like being bad and then going home and being good.” –Bobbie

“If I’m going to die, I want to die in Manhattan.” –Pete

Don: “Why do we do this?”

Roger: “For the sex, but it’s always disappointing.”

“I don’t hate Christmas. I hate this Christmas.” –Don

“That poor girl. She doesn’t know that loving you is the worst way to get to you.” –Betty

Doctor: “So, Mr. Draper, you haven’t had a physical in quite some time.”

Don: “Yeah. I eat a lot of apples.”

“Who knows why people in history did good things? For all we know Jesus was trying to get the loaves and fishes account.” –Roger

“He may act like he wants a secretary, but most of the time they’re looking for something between a mother and a waitress.” — Joan

“For a lot of people, love isn’t just a slogan.” — Rachel Menken

Don: “Let me ask you something: what do women want?”

Roger: “Who cares?”

Honestly, why is it that every time a man takes you out to lunch around here, you’re… you’re the dessert!” — Peggy

Rachel to Don: This was a dalliance, a cheap affair. You don’t want to run away with me; you just want to run away. You’re a coward!”

This is America; pick a job and become the person who does it.” — Bobbie

“If I’m going to die, I’m going to die in Manhattan.” — Pete

“If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.” — Don

Don: “That’s how this works. I pay you for ideas.”

“I know what I’m supposed to want, but it just never feels right or as importance as anything in that office.” — Peggy

“If you can’t tell the difference between which part’s the idea and which part’s the execution of the idea, you’re of no use to me.” — Peggy

“I’d never recommend imitation as a strategy. You’ll be second, which is very far from first.” — Peggy

“It just looks good now, but it was miserable when you were in it. Trust me.” — Peggy

“Am I the only one who can work and drink at the same time?” — Peggy

“The work is ten dollars. The lie is extra.” — Peggy

“Every time something good happens, something bad happens.” — Peggy

“Your problem is not my problem.” — Peggy

“I’m in the business of persuasion and frankly, I’m disappointed by your presentation.” — Peggy

Peggy: “You never say ‘thank you.'”

Don: “That’s what the money is for!”

“I could never get you to try another brand? Say, my Lucky’s?” — Don

“You have such beautiful skin, my god. I just want to eat it.” — Roger

“We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had.” — Don

“Life is just a bowl of LIFE cereal.” — Don


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