Flu season is upon us and we all know what that means.
Ugh. Man Colds.
A Man Cold doesn’t necessarily have to be an actual cold. It’s just a general term for any illness or injury happening to a man that he will claim is so much worse than it actually is. A tiny cough? Retreat to bed for a week. A mild fever? Clearly, death is imminent. Meanwhile, us women get sick and literally nothing changes in our lives, except we feel like garbage and no one cares. That’s why these tweets about what it’s like when a man gets a mild illness are so damn relatable.
1. Case in point.
They cry wolf so much we won’t believe them when they actually are dying. Nice work, you big babies.
2. Like a boss.
That’s because we don’t feel the need to alert everyone in our vicinity about our every sneeze. Because women are amazing like that.
3. Just run away.
When I hear my husband start to sniffle, I literally fantasize about living in a hotel for a week. Or the bottom of the ocean. It’s that bad.
4. Always with the one-upping.
Oh, you’re in traction? He has a 99.6 degree fever. Game, set, match.
5. A sympathy card would be nice.
No matter how crappy they feel, it will always be worse for the women in their lives. Every. Single. Time.
6. Eye roll.
We could go to the ends of the earth and back while at our worst and they can barely walk to the kitchen for more Gatorade while sniffling.
7. Send thoughts and prayers.
Because he’s dying, obviously.
8. Can you at least hack up a lung quietly?
When our kids are sick, we pull out all the stops. But our husbands have used up all their goodwill. You’re on your own, buddy. Just try to keep it down, the baby’s sleeping.
Women don’t need rest anyway. They need more Pinterest projects and meetings at the kid’s school and trips to the grocery store. Can’t stop. Won’t stop.
10. Updates on the hour.
Things are pretty touch and go, and he doesn’t know for sure, but he thinks the snot was a little yellow the last time he blew his nose. Please pray.
11. Give it about six months.
It will be discussed like one of the great battles of our time until the next one comes around. Because the next one will obviously be the sickest anyone’s ever been in the history of ever.
12. More like 10,000.
Ugh. Good luck out there, ladies.
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