Marijuana is something that has been weighing on my heart for awhile now, and I feel like I need to talk about it. Mental health has its own stigma attached to it, and many people are starting to share their stories about how they have overcome their journey.
But this time I want to talk about my life as a mom who uses marijuana.
I think it’s beautiful to share your experiences because you just never know when it might help someone else.
I never really put too much thought into the daily struggles of living with something that I am constantly trying to hide.
This whole blogging journey has led me on a road of self discovery that I honestly never thought I would be on. It’s been a wild year or two, and it’s been full of let downs and letting go of people and things.
But I have learned so much about myself, and I have learned that no matter how I try to portray myself to other people, I am the one that has to sleep with myself at night and listen to my thoughts, and battle my insecurities, and hide my feelings.
No one else was suffering but me.
That’s why I write so much about my life and experiences. Not because I feel like I need to tell anyone, but because it helps me.
Smoking weed in itself has a major stigma against it. For years, no one was focused enough on the medicinal side of it because of how the government regulated it, and it was known as taboo. That stigma has continued to drag on, but I know it’s getting better.
In today’s world, where Pinterest is full of expectations for us as women and as moms, it’s hard to accept things about ourselves when we know the world is expecting something different. We battle with sharing certain things or making comments about something we feel strongly about. We know there will be those who feel offended in some way, and they aren’t afraid to make that known.
I’ve been guilty of it myself this last year.
And in my experience, I learned that not everything has to be exposed even when it hurts you.
So here I am again, writing about motherhood, my faith, and smoking marijuana.
I get it, it’s an unpopular opinion, especially for those like me who live their life by faith.
I’m sure I will get a lot of backlash, but I also know I will get a lot of support too.
There are other mamas who are suffering and don’t talk about where they get their relief. It could be a chronic illness and/or anxiety, and those mamas who don’t want to drink but do want to relax. I know there are other mamas who use marijuana. It’s just that no one ever talks about it.
That’s what makes this conversation so weird and uncomfortable.
Since I already don’t have many mama friends, I don’t have much else to lose. I feel like opening up about this will spark some conversation and maybe even gain me some new friends.
Most of us parents have something we look forward to at the end of the day or week, something we can use to relax. These days, with so many people turning to holistic care, I think this is an important topic to bring up. Sometimes yoga and meditation just aren’t enough.
Marijuana isn’t the drug you might think it is.
The reason I started to smoke was because of how bad my health declined over these last five years. Just one year after being a first time mom, my entire body changed.
Not only was my anxiety taking a turn for the worse, I was also in severe pain that I couldn’t explain. I couldn’t sleep at night, couldn’t eat, could no longer focus, could not relax. And I couldn’t stop panicking for the life of me.
Before I realized the medicinal benefits of marijuana, I never would have been caught smoking it or even in the same room with it. I was so afraid of what other people thought that I didn’t want to use it. I was so consumed with prescription medications at that time already that I was desperate for something that would actually work.
So I started smoking marijuana. And my whole world changed.
I realized how much relief I could get from a plant. How quickly I could get the relief, and how there are strains that are specific to my ailments. Plus, it doesn’t make me physically dependent on it. Not only that–I could grow it 100% on my own with water and sunlight!
My perspective completely reversed.
Over the years since I became a mom, I have pushed people away who I thought wouldn’t agree with my choices. After all, my own niece who I had helped raise for the first year of her life is no longer allowed to come to my house or see me because of it.
I refused to invite anyone to my house for fear that they would smell it.
I drive around with gum, body spray, and eye drops in my car. I’m afraid to show up to events when I know I need to eat, because I know I will need to smoke. So I just refuse to go.
I’ve chosen to not be a part of multiple benefits, church organizations, and family gatherings because I knew I would be the topic of discussion the minute I walked away.
All because of one thing: Marijuana and the stigma against it.
I’m sure many think I pig out all day, lie on the couch and listen to Bob Marley, don’t care for my kids properly, or that my business is a complete disaster. Puh-lease. It’s gotta stop.
My children are my entire world, and their safety is always my priority. Also, I love me some Bob, and if you know me, you know I take care of my responsibilities.
That’s what’s wrong with people not talking about it! Pot has affected my growth, whether I want to admit it or not.
Because of my situation, I have to find ways to cope with severe pain on a daily basis, and personally, medication is no longer an option for me.
I have to be okay with the choices I make to better my health, and being okay with them means I need to talk about them.
Granted there are amazing doctors out there, and there are medications and treatments out there that help others tremendously. I recognize that, and I do not discredit their role in helping people.
My life would be 100% different.
I can guarantee you I would take several naps a day. I would forget what time it is several times a day. There is a possibility I would forget about changing my kid’s diaper. I’d ignore the mess that’s made every day as I wouldn’t have the mental or physical energy to deal with it.
But yet I would have the support of all of my doctors, friends, and family who no longer support me.
The moment came that I had to choose one or the other, and I decided to choose a life I could actually live.
Not just for me, but a life with my kids. They deserve to have a mom who will show up however she physically can. Marijuana helps me do that, and I have discovered that it’s all I need for now.
Marijuana might make me look like a bad mom or a bad person to you. But to me and my family, it helps me get up everyday and be who I need to be for me and for them. Just as any other medication would help someone else, this helps me.
I get to have a chance to get through my mornings without thinking I need to go to the ER. I’m able to eat lunch with my kids (without throwing it up–hallelujah!). Able to cook and clean and leave my house for appointments without feeling overburdened. And my PTSD and constant anxiety have been so much easier to manage.
Personal advocacy, mental health advocacy, and medical marijuana advocacy are something that touch my heart on a deep level.
We need to talk about this.
Seek out different perspectives, and open your mind to new beliefs. Don’t be afraid of something that you don’t fully understand. Learn as much as you can about whatever matters the most to you and formulate your own opinion. This is where true change happens.
If you feel burdened by something that gives you relief, whether it be a glass of wine at night or a prescription that truly helps you, I strongly advise you to start digging deeper and advocating for what has helped you. We need each other more than we realize. We need to hear each other’s stories.
It’s time we start living for what’s best for us, and not just what others think is best for us.
I hope that sharing my story can encourage you to share yours too. If you had a negative outlook on marijuana before, I hope you can see a new perspective now.
Encourage and support your loved ones no matter what journey they are on. Realize that no matter how much you don’t understand it, the choices they’ve made may just be what is best for them.