Miley Cyrus Just Turned 'Santa Baby' Into A Feminist Anthem And It's F*cking Awesome

by Valerie Williams
Image via YouTube/The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Miley Cyrus gives “Santa Baby” a modern update — and its glorious

It’s been a controversial holiday season when it comes to classic songs and their place in this modern world. “Baby It’s Cold Outside” has been the subject of many a heated online debate with people arguing that its lyrics are outdated and problematic. Of course, that’s far from the only old timey holiday tune that could use a 2018 update — and Miley Cyrus has given us a perfect one with her feminist version of “Santa Baby.”

And it’s so, so good.

Cyrus debuted the modernized take on the 1953 Eartha Kitt hit on last night’s episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. It begins as a skit with Fallon himself along with Mark Ronson — but it quickly turns into Miley’s show. As it should be. Her new lyrics included updates for her veganism — and the fact that she can afford her own damn stuff.

She starts off with the classic version and then changes things up. “Santa, baby, I don’t fancy any fancy jewelry, not me I’ve got something else in mind Santa baby, and I don’t need your presents tonight…”

Hell. Yes.

“Don’t want diamonds, cash or stocks, nothing that comes in a box, no more fluff, I’ve had enough and I can buy my own damn stuff,” she croons as women all over the country stand up from their couches and cheer.

Image via YouTube/The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Cyrus happily boasts that she has her own “baller” car that she purchased herself, “no loan,” and instead of asking Santa for gifts, she issues a plea for equal pay — and no dick pics, please.

She wraps up with a decree that no one touch her inappropriately at work. “Santa baby, I’d love to know my ass won’t get grabbed. At work. By some ignorant jerk. Tell the dirtbags, to put away their chimneys tonight.”

Image via YouTube/The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

We couldn’t possibly love this anymore and will be playing it on repeat the rest of the month.

As a woman who earns her own money and buys her own wishlist items, singing along with “Santa Baby” does kind of annoy me. Not enough to protest and refuse to listen — it’s just that if I want a sweet piece of jewelry, I’m not asking a mythical figure — I was raised on Destiny’s Child and buy my own diamonds, thanks. We can love both versions — the classic and the one that gives us credit as empowered human beings able to function in this world without the help of any man.

Image via YouTube/The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

I’ll still take that ’54 convertible though. Not picky on the color.