Say what you want about the Mommy Wars, but one look at any carpool line will tell you that we moms are all alike. From our yoga pants and our messy buns to our minivans and our travel mugs filled with coffee (or booze, if we’re not the one driving?), it’s pretty easy to spot a bonafide mom from a mile away. And while stereotypes and generalizations aren’t always fair, let’s be honest, ladies: When was the last time you made it through Target without having a spending accident?
Here are some other mom stereotypes that are true—mostly:
1. None of us can survive without Amazon Prime.
Need soccer cleats in an odd size by Thursday? Amazon to the rescue! Just realized your kid’s 3rd birthday party is Saturday and you haven’t ordered a single party favor? Amazon saves the day! From holiday shopping to those last-minute classroom party treats, Amazon Prime understands. And, bonus: We don’t have to put pants on to shop from our couch, surrounded by sticky toddlers.
2. Our laundry rooms are disasters. Always.
Laundry is exhausting, and it’s never, ever done. And, frankly, by the end of the day, there’s always tomorrow to fold the nine-hundred onesies the infant went through today. Moms everywhere have a pile of laundry in some form sitting next to (or in) the washer at any given moment. Some weeks, it takes three days to get an actual load washed because you keep forgetting to move it to the dryer.
3. There’s never enough sex.
Before kids, all your partner had to do was raise an eyebrow from across the room, and boom, you were going at it right in the kitchen. Now, with toddlers, pets, and mountains of laundry, sex has gone by the wayside. And if your partner does raise his eye at you at the end of a long day of toddler-rearing, the last thing you feel like doing is making the sexy after not showering for three days. Eighteen years isn’t too long to wait for a regular sex life again, right, ladies?
4. We all own something we’ve bought from an in-home party.
Whether it’s a new piece of jewelry or a diaper bag with pockets galore, we’ve all purchased something from a friend peddling wares in another friend’s dining room. Nail products, cooking tools, essential oils, home decor, you name it, we’ve all bought some of it as we sip wine and gossip about PTA nonsense. And though we all cringe at getting that invite in the mail, we all know it’s a night we don’t have to deal with bath time, and that’s money well spent.
5. We all want minivans, and you are lying if you say you don’t.
I’ll admit it: I spent a lot of time raging against the minivan stereotype. I used to rant about not wanting to drive a people-mover and become the family bus driver. But now, as I see my friends with their 20 cup holders, doors that open magically for carpool, and trapdoors that hide enough food to survive the apocalypse, I secretly want one too. Thankfully, my SUV is a minivan in disguise, so I don’t have to look like a complete sellout. But, I wouldn’t hate it if I was forced to drive a tricked-out minivan with seats that disappeared into the floor with the push of a button.
6. We’ve all fed our kids dinner at Costco.
It is no coincidence that we do our shopping at Costco on Friday afternoons at 4:30. The free samples in every aisle are enough to make any toddler happy, and there’s no mess to clean up in the kitchen. And if we grab a smoothie or a churro on the way out the door, no need to feed anyone dessert when we get home. Moms will single-handedly keep Costco in business for infinity thanks to their free samples.
7. We are all taking care of the pet the kids swore they’d help with.
We’ve all been there: the pleading eyes, the promises to help with walks, yard poop, and feeding. The kids swore they’d be in charge of cleaning out the hamster’s cage, and they promised they’d play with the dog every single day. Yeah, right. Now, after they’ve all gotten on the school bus, we moms are doing the walking, the feeding, and the poop patrol. But the joke is on the kids: Our pets like us best and that’s just fine.
8. Our DVRs are filled with shows we will never get to watch.
We started watching our favorite shows years ago and have spent a lot of time invested in characters we love. We used to love nothing more than catching up on our favorite shows with a glass of wine and a bowl of popcorn. And then kids came along and ruined our DVR bliss. Not only do we have to share space with Caillou in our queue, but also, we have seven Grey’s Anatomy episodes that we won’t see.
At least we still have that glass of wine…unless we fall asleep.