Mom Wants Swim Instructor To Cover His 'Flopping Man Breasts' Around Her Daughter

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 
Image via Shutterstock

A mom asks that her daughter’s male swim instructor “cover up” during lessons

A Virginia mom wrote a letter detailing a totally absurd complaint she had about her young daughter’s swim instructor. The issue? She doesn’t want her kid exposed to his floppy, man boobs.

Yes, you read that right.

According to ARL Now, a mom going by the name “Lynn” wrote her strongly-worded moobs manifesto to the Arlington Department of Parks and Recreation. She’s riled up over the fact that her daughter is in the pool with a male swim instructor and…his bare chest. She writes, “I took my daughter to this class yesterday. Unfortunately the male instructor’s breasts were flopping on the water and we felt extremely uncomfortable with her getting into the water skin-to-skin and in such close proximity to his intimate space.”

His “intimate space?” Why do we look at breasts this way? There’s nothing inherently sexual about them. They’re just blobs of flesh and skin. They feed babies. Sure, they are considered a “private” part for women, but they’re not sex organs. A man’s chest is hardly what any reasonable person would deem an “intimate” space.

But clearly, this woman is not a reasonable person.

She continues saying, “When I mentioned this to the Parks & Rec representative she told me that other parents had also complained; that he was asked to put a shirt on but refused. To be in such close and intimate proximity to this man’s bare chest, breasts and public [chest] hair is unfathomable and I can not believe it is tolerated.”

She ends her missive requesting a new instructor for her daughter who doesn’t make them feel “uncomfortable.”

The parks and rec department got back to good ol’ Lynn with some common sense and a nice little mic drop. Aquatics coordinator Trina Wood opens with, “To address your concern, all of the instructors teaching for DPR wear swim suits that are appropriate for swimming pools, active movement, both in and out of the swimming pool and for teaching swimming lessons. Swim shirts are provided to instructors to wear, typically for warmth but are not required.”

Right. Because a man’s chest isn’t a “private” part and it’s ridiculous to suggest a male swim instructor wear a shirt, regardless of his size. Besides, if this guy truly does sport a set of floppy, man boobs what would a shirt even do? They’d still be there. Unharnessed. It makes no sense at all.

Wood then writes, “I am sorry that you feel uncomfortable, however, [the instructor] handles himself in a very professional manner in water with students.” She explains that at Lynn’s daughter’s level of swim instruction, most skills are taught verbally with little physical contact. She closes by explaining that she’s out of luck — there isn’t another class to enroll her in if she’s dissatisfied with this poor guy’s nipples being within a few feet of her kid.

Not happy with Wood’s completely reasonable note, Lynn literally alerted the media with the following email:

Hello Arlington County Newspapers, Radio and Media Corp:

Do you know how badly the Arlington County Parks & Recreation System sucks? Get back in touch with me and I’ll gladly share my experiences from over the years. It’s mostly due to responses like the one I received — it’s like everyone in the parks & rec system have undergone the exact same training: “How to be a Jerk”.

She closes her little press release saying she’s had issues with Arlington parks and rec before and that her past experiences are “shocking.” As shocking as man boobs? I can only imagine the tales she could tell.

Now, this whole situation is obviously ridiculous. Right? Body-shaming a man for his “breasts” is simply bananas. So…isn’t it kind of crazy that anyone freaks out over a woman’s exposed boobs too? Can we all maybe agree that as a country, we need to calm the hell down about titties? Male or female?

According to ARL Now, unnamed sources claim the instructor has a “pretty normal male physique,” but should that detail even come into play? No matter their size or if they’re attached to a man or a woman, boobs are not a sex part. If this instructor’s chesticles happen to brush by her daughter’s arm while he helps her learn to swim no one will die.

Can we stop with the ridiculous body-shaming and puritanical behavior, please? It’s 2016. We have lots of problems in this country, and exposed breasts are hardly one of them.

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