Mom Reveals The Hilarious Truth About 'Parent Sex' In Viral Facebook Post

by Ashley Austrew

This mom’s viral Facebook post about ‘parent sex’ is hilariously relatable.

Sex becomes a little, um, different after you have kids. Where previously you had tons of alone time, were usually well-rested, and could get your freak on basically anywhere in the house you wanted, kids make things a bit more complicated. An Australian mom recently took to Facebook to share her take on post-kids sex, and it’s going hugely viral.

Constance Hall is a 32-year-old writer, artist, and mother of four, who tells Buzzfeed she prides herself on always writing things that are “honest and real.” Yesterday, she posted an honest description of what she calls “parent sex” — what your sex life looks like when you have kids running around. In her post, she describes it as “the 3.5 minutes you get in between changing nappies and making food,” when your kids are “pretty distracted” and you realize it’s been “a month since you banged and you’re starting to feel like flat mates.”

What follows is a hilarious play-by-play of a sexual encounter to which almost every parent can relate. Hall writes that her husband’s method of seduction consists of “one finger pointing towards the bedroom and the other hand on his dick.” Once in the bedroom, they have to “position one foot against the door” to keep the kids out, and no matter how hot it is, blankets must be used just “in case someone manages to barge through and catch mummy and daddy doing ‘yoga’ in bed.”

Despite all of that, she says, they still manage to do the deed, and neither of them mind jumping through the necessary hoops:

“It’s a pretty romantic scene really, listening to Iggle Piggle in the back ground, knowing your days are numbered when you here the add break… All the while gleefully thinking about how much of a sex goddess, vixen you are and how your fella is finally going to stop being an arse for at least a whole day. Well mine was pretty impressed, even if I just lied there, saggy boobs, baby belly pouch, hairy minge and all, he still thinks I’m amazing.”

Since Hall’s post went up, it’s been shared almost 29,000 times and plenty of parents have left comments applauding her totally accurate description of “adult time.” In fact, a huge number of the comments on the post are just people tagging their spouses and including a bunch of laughing emoticons because all get it, Constance. We are right there with you.

The best thing about this post is how sex-positive it is. So often you hear about sexless marriages or how kids kill parents’ sex lives entirely, but this presents the other side to that: parents who’ve still got it, even if “it” happens a little less often and is a little more inconvenient. It’s refreshing to see an account of a real sex life that looks so similar to what many of us experience, and to know we’re not the only ones struggling to pencil an orgasm into our appointment books. Kudos to Hall and her husband for keeping it real and encouraging other parents to take 3.5 minutes to reconnect.