Momfinitions, Part II

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

It’s time for a new round of Momfinitions, based on my recent absence and subsequent return to my darling children.

Parental Immunity: The fact that the more you are around your children, the more immune you become to their annoying behavior. This is evidenced when one parent returns home from work or a trip and incredulously asks the other one, “are the kids always this annoying?’ and is met with a blank stare. Yes. They are.

Parental Amnesia: The inevitable feeling of forgetting just how annoying your children are once you are away from them. Manifestations include looking through photographs longingly during business meetings or buying souvenirs such as whistles and play-doh when you are away from them. The only known cure is returning home.

Parental Stupidity: Not being able to enjoy time away from your children because you are so busy missing them.

Parental Inevitability: Returning home and longing, once again, to get the hell away from said children.

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