Dear Moms Of Many: I See You

You are a mom of four under four. And if we’re both being honest, I know that you find yourself worn down with anticipation for what’s to come before your day has even begun. Your feet haven’t even hit the floor in the mornings, and already you’re listening to the whines and cries of a couple, as well as the “Mommy, I’m hungrryyy!” from the others.

The baby needs boobies or a ba-ba, breakfast and a diaper change, stat. The toddler is stomping her feet while protesting her right-this-second-need for some Mickey Mouse. And the preschoolers are fighting … again. They all need to be dressed, their hair combed, teeth brushed, and the “right” color of sippy cup.

As you pick up the umpteenth toy, hidden Go-Gurt wrapper and hardly-used sippy cup, you quietly mumble aloud to yourself in the most exhausted tone, “What’s the use?”

It’s usually when you’re dishing out and serving your fourth plate of pancakes, having just nibbled on the screwed up ones for yourself, that the kids finally decide to agree on something for once in their lives. Those pancakes you just made? Screw them. Didn’t you know, Mom? While you were fumbling around in the kitchen, the kids suddenly decided that nobody likes pancakes anymore.

Because, honestly… isn’t that the way it always goes for us moms of four under four?

You work up a sweat cleaning during the day, only to be met with the exact same mess (sometimes more) at night. Stepping on Legos, scooting toys to the side to make a pathway, and wiping spills makes up a huge chunk of your life. In defeat, you give into the inevitable messes and let them pile where they may. Until you regret your choices at bedtime, staring at more than what you bargained for during the day.

As you pick up the umpteenth toy, hidden Go-Gurt wrapper and hardly-used sippy cup, you quietly mumble aloud to yourself in the most exhausted tone, “What’s the use?”

Your identity sometimes feels erased. It feels like a thousand pounds sits on your chest as you battle between all of your kids’ wants and needs, while also longing to fulfill just a mere smidge of your own.

You give and you give and you give. And yet, at one point or another throughout the day, you are left feeling like you’ve failed them. Did I give them enough individual attention today? Was my crappy excuse for a dinner healthy enough to meet their nutritional needs? Did I play with them enough whole-heartedly? Why do I yell so much?

If only we moms of four under four could see what our kids see…

Because though we are stretched thin, worn out, and exhausted, we are still enough.

We are their steady, their constant and their comfort. They feel secure enough with us to misbehave, deny our cooked meals, and tantrum their way through what was meant to be a special event.

We are one person spread among many, but we are still their safety… even on the days when our emotions feels shaky.

Sure, our homes won’t be clean for many years to come. Yes, at this moment, at least one of our kids’ bedrooms has a mysterious, foul smell, and we can’t find matching socks to save our lives. On a good day, we wash four sippy cups come night. On a bad one, we scrub 16 character-cups following a drawn-out quest to find the last one.

Your identity sometimes feels erased. The weight of a thousand pounds sits on your chest as you battle between all of your kids’ wants and needs, while also longing to fulfill just a mere smidge of your own.

Our mornings can feel never-ending. Nap time consists of telling all the children to return to their beds until you’re sure you might lose it. Our kids grace us with their “witching hour” anywhere between 5-7 p.m. And when it comes to preparing for bedtime, we know not to underestimate the battle of many wills.

Moms of four under four live lives that are messy and chaotic. But if given the opportunity to do it all over again, we would in a heartbeat. But don’t get me wrong, we’d do it without changing a past or present moment.

Our littles are all still little, and it is pure joy watching them be little together. We get multiple sloppy kisses, four times the hugs and snugs, many squishy, diaper-butt falls, and all of them believe the sun rises and falls with us.

We get all of the little-kid-goodness, and we get it with all four of our babies at once.

Our refrigerator’s doors display four learning and budding Picassos, and their artwork brings a genuine smile as we reach for baby’s morning bottle. The four of them always have a buddy to play, sleep and (let’s be real) argue with, and because of us, they will always have a friend in one another.

Moms of four under four, I know at times you feel unappreciated, depleted, and overwhelmed from your many titles. Your footing feels misplaced and unstable, but somehow, you are still the one who holds your children’s entire world together.

If our children could see the storm that settles inside of us, where they only see the sun, they’d want us to choose grace for ourselves. Because even in our t-shirt-stained, irritated, and emotionally exhausted state, we are enough for our gang of four under four.