Binge-Watching Kids' Shows For Netflix Is An Actual Job And We're All Qualified

by Valerie Williams
Image via Shutterstock

Netflix is hiring someone to binge-watch kids’ shows

Parents, this is not a drill. There is a new job posting and we are pretty much the most qualified candidates without even trying. Netflix has put out a call for someone to binge-watch kids’ television shows and movies and you can do it from anywhere in the world.

It’s like our whole lives have led to this moment. It’s go time.

Streaming giant Netflix posted the requirements for our dream job and aside from one industry-specific bit of experience, it’s basically today’s parent in a nutshell. The official title is a Kids Content Tagger. Most of it involves categorizing kid’s shows and movies by age and theme along with tone, story-line, character attributes, positive messages and cautionary material. The age range for the programming is 0-12.

That’s all well and good, but let’s go through the requirements point-by-point to prove that this position simply must be awarded to a parent. We are more than prepared, Netflix. Hear us out.

Extensive knowledge of kids TV shows and movies

Lol forever, because who in the world knows more about kids TV shows and movies than the people held hostage for years on end by children’s programming dominating every flat-screen they own? I think my husband and I ended up with some kind of kiddie show Stockholm syndrome where we eventually grew to enjoy the stuff our little ones watched to the point where we would keep watching it after they’d left the room. All those hours spent in front of Doc McStuffins could now mean a whole new career. What a time to be alive.

Professional experience in the Kids Entertainment or Media Industry

Does being like, really good at Disney princess impressions count? I’ve entertained many a kid with my weirdly dead-on Ariel and Jasmine voices. No? That won’t work? There’s no accounting for taste. Next!

Passion for and authentic interest in kids television and movies

Nothing says passion and authentic interest like knowing the names of every single stupid engine in the Thomas the Train line-up. Bonus points for being able to differentiate between the steamies and the diesels.

Comfort learning and applying a complex categorization system to kids titles

If you’ve ever had a preschooler who liked that one episode of Daniel Tiger (no, not that one, this one) that they’re poorly describing as you scramble, desperately trying to figure out what in the fuck they’re talking about, then yes. This is a requirement you can meet. No categorization system is more complex than that of a picky 4-year-old. Bring it, ‘Flix interviewer.

Ability to collaborate harmoniously with a dynamic variety of team members

You’re a parent, damn it. Collaborating harmoniously with dynamic (read: emotionally unstable and totally erratic) personalities is your specialty. If you can talk an over-tired, sugar-buzzed toddler into letting you bathe them and put them to bed at some point before 11 pm, you can work with anyone. Honestly, this isn’t even a contest.

Although the position is only needed for a year, it’s just 15 hours a week, so plenty of time leftover for watching grown-up programming once your shift is done. Oh, and it can be done from home. On the couch. With wine and popcorn.

Shut up and take our money. Er, give us money. Whatever. Hire us, please.