Never The Same Again

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A friend of mine had her first baby a month after my second was born. She’s since been saying on Facebook how different things are now that she’s a mother. How her back hurts. How it sucks to still carry ten extra pounds.

And she asked, when will I feel myself again?

I told her, NEVER. You will never be the same again.

Your back will always be a little achy.

Your boobs will always be a little saggy.

Your stomach will always be a little poochy.

Your hips will always be a little wider.

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Your hair, your skin, your bladder control – they will all never be what it was before, whether for better or worse.

You will never sleep the same again.

You might not get out of a nursing bra for a while.

You won’t be using the bathroom alone for a few years.

You might find yourself talking about poop a lot more than you expect.

You will never have crumb-less floors again.

You might not wear something that’s not stained for a couple of years.

You might not get your nails done or your hair cut as often as you did.

You probably won’t get all the laundry done, or the dishes washed, every single day.

Yes, all that.

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But what I did not tell her, is this.

Your smile will always be wider.

Your laughter will always be more joyful.

Your eyes will always be brighter.

Your arms will always be full.

Your heart will always be walking out of your chest.

Your love will always be bigger.

So no, after you birth a child (or two, or three, or four and more), you will never be the same again.

But it’s ok, because you won’t want to be.

About the writer

@AlisonSWLee

Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison shares stories of motherhood on her blog, Writing, Wishing, and her writing has been featured on Everyday Family, Mamalode, DrGreene.com, and The Huffington Post. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins). You can find Alison on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Google+.

From Around the Web

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Angela Di Donato Duffy 8 months ago

No truer statements.

Sonia Kamboh 8 months ago

100%! So glad that our babies are at the same stages so I have a fabulous friend on this journey.

Dara Lamel Alweiss 8 months ago

Cute!

Kara Lee Taylor 8 months ago

Love this so much and so true! All worth it.

Joe Medler 8 months ago

Great piece and though it’s for moms, the larger point resonates with me as well. While her friend is just starting this journey I hope it’s one she comes to see as possessing all the tools she’ll need for placing that earlier version of herself in context and embracing her new self with all it’s new meanings and joys.. http://developingdad.com/2014/12/29/thank-god-i-didnt-know-what-i-didnt-know/

Rachael Colon 8 months ago

Nah, the weight can be lost, you’ll get back in your old clothes, priorities have shifted though and reading books to little ones will be more important than folding clothes, going for walks more important than dusting. It’s just a change, not the end of your identity. It adds to your days. :)

Jessica Parker Zdinak 8 months ago

Well this made me bawl crying on this New Years Day! Thanks for this one :)

Chardelle Renee Jackson 8 months ago

Yes, but your floor CAN be crumbless. Just makes sure you have dogs. Haha. Anytime we go anywhere else to eat I look at the floor and am so thankful of my clean up crew at home.

Nicole Lynn 8 months ago

or put the milk on the shelf and the noodles in the fridge

Andrea Browne 8 months ago

And basically…you never stop worrying…

Jess Ica 8 months ago

It’s worth it all though

Amber Lundell 8 months ago

Truth!

Jaymie 8 months ago

Ok, I’m totally with you for the first half of the post. The second half…ehhhh. I get some great smiles out of my daughter, but my smile might be wider because I’ve gone a bit crazy. My laughter is sometimes verging on hysteria. My eyes aren’t always brighter, at least not until I’ve had some caffeine. And sometimes I DO want to be the same as I was before I had my daughter. I have and occasionally still do mourn for some of my pre-baby self/life. But while I miss some of the pre-baby me, but I wouldn’t trade my crazy toddler to have that back again.

Nav Dosanjh-Gill 8 months ago

I can’t wait for it all!

Candace Chang Fong 8 months ago

✋ ||raising my hand in agreement||

Araceli Nino 8 months ago

Aww so cute!

Candace Lee Bartel 8 months ago

Never!!!!!

Lynds Derham 8 months ago

Butter in the freezer :)

Chelsea Balmer 8 months ago

Amy Fraser, reminds me of the wonderful note you sent me when I was still in ‘survival mode’ :)

Amy Chastain 8 months ago

Love.

Sarah Lubcke Faridi 8 months ago

Nav

Lori Ann 8 months ago

I wouldn’t want my life any other way. I’m head over heels for my boy!!

Renee Haney King 8 months ago

It’s all true!! Life has forever changed! For the better!!!!

Jacki Duncan Riley 8 months ago

You will do crazy things (like put formula in the coffee pot instead of coffee grounds) but you will laugh at your sleep deprived self once you are rested :)

Kara Aloisio Mikhail 8 months ago

You will never feel like your old self ever again, but you will become your new self, and you learn to love it!

Samantha Donadio-DeCristofaro 8 months ago

Love it! Great article.

Tonya Richards-Hudson 8 months ago

Love love love this!!!! The most stressful, demanding, and rewarding job all at the same time! #lovebeingamom #priceless

Kat Costa 8 months ago

The days and nights are a tad rougher..I look like a hot mess but my children are happy,healthy and most importantly loved :)

Rachael Ladisic 8 months ago

That literally made me tear up!!! Thanks Sonya Houston :)

Katie Zampier 8 months ago

Spot on!

Alyssa Marie 8 months ago

Perfect ❤

Rachel Goose Ihme 8 months ago

Smile wider from delirium brought on by lack of sleep…

Summer Rudolph 8 months ago

Love this. Perfect.

Melanie Smith Twiddy 8 months ago

This is amazing. Yes yes yes to all of this.

Jennifer Shea Lord 8 months ago

Got that right…so awesome ❤️

Kirsten Clayton 8 months ago

Love.

Julie Hally 8 months ago

Love. This.

Mallory 1 year ago

That’s great and all, but why wouldn’t you tell your friend the good stuff? We need to hear that.

Jessica Crawford 1 year ago

I can help with stretchmarks, tightening of tummy and boobs too!

Carol Jean McClung 1 year ago

I am sure you are speaking with plenty of experience to back it up. Tell your mom hello and that I am still trying to recover from a fractured sacrum.

Thomas Brady 1 year ago

Very wise advice.

Yvette ‘Laird’ Randall 1 year ago

Completely agree.

Sean Cara Johnson 1 year ago

Being on the other end of this spectrum, I can say this is still true, because even when your babies are 20, they are first in your mind each day. All the changes in your life that come with having a child are worth it, as a child awakens an incredible part of your heart that you never knew was there. I may never be the same, I may never be first, I may never stop worrying, but I will always be amazed at how my life being a Mom has revealed strength, courage, and selflessness that I never dreamed I was capable of….

Mary King 1 year ago

That about sums it up!

Mandi LeHerissier 1 year ago

I miss my boobs. :(

Caitlyn Nicole Novak 1 year ago

Awe. So true!

Kristina Noonan 1 year ago

And that’s the truth

Jillian Tait 1 year ago

Love this!

Lucy Zimmermann 1 year ago

Oh my goodness me too I just tear up thinking of all of that! And didn’t I tell you just how fabulous it would be even if you lose most of your old life❤️

Jessica Rachel Snyder 1 year ago

This is true & adorable!

Becky Whitton 1 year ago

Lol i love this, i still wear a nursing bra sometimes & no o don’t nurse anymore. But hell it’s comfy & it fits

Emily Victoria Brandon 1 year ago

Beautiful.

Nancy Olsen Gallagher 1 year ago

This is lovely.

Virginia Emily Tran 1 year ago

I like that some things do get fixed ( bladder) with work

Kindra Petree 1 year ago

Rachael McEachern 1 year ago

So sweet. Made my boobs leak. Another great side effect of breastfeeding and being an emotional being.

Jenn Christison 1 year ago

This sums it up perfectly for me

Mary Catherine Chance 1 year ago

So true, love this one!!

Patricia Pigeon 1 year ago

We had our first fever last night and I never felt such a sadness. I felt useless that I couldn’t remove the fever from her but felt like a queen because my arms and my lullaby could calm her enough to sleep.

Caitlin Graham 1 year ago

Love this Heather Lynn Coy Jeanine Weaver Michelle McBain Alisha Agate Lauren L.

Heidi Gregg Mitchell 1 year ago

So so true

Sherrie Green 1 year ago

so true

Alicia Bruder 1 year ago

Love!

Lisa Katz 1 year ago

This is perfect

Rachael Beyor 1 year ago

I can’t wait :)

Eleanor Viola Cullen 1 year ago

So true!

Sandy Brazington 1 year ago

Love it!!! Love that my life has changed so much, sooo worth it. I dont think I have ever been this happy in my life

Jennifer Stemsley 1 year ago

Awww ;).:) im so excited

Sonja Jones 1 year ago

Wonderfully written. I love the simplicity of it. Bethany Silva

Wendy Guevara Cano 1 year ago

Awe so true and I wouldn’t change it

Rebecca Carvalho 1 year ago

So sweet and true!!!!

Tarna Crook 1 year ago

Love this

Lauri Nelson 1 year ago

love it!

Raquel Wolf Haro 1 year ago

So true!

Jennifer Valenti Eori 1 year ago

Love this

Caroline Lyngstad 1 year ago

Beautiful. :)

Attie Lordan 1 year ago

All good.

Kimberly Sara 1 year ago

Made me smile 😉

Bonnie McLaughlin 1 year ago

Sweet <3

Amy Beaird 1 year ago

Exactly.

Crys Carroll 1 year ago

and i wouldn’t change it for anything

Krystal 1 year ago

Love this, so true and so perfectly said. <3

Terissa Nolan 1 year ago

So true !! :)

Jennifer Warren 1 year ago

AMEN SISTER!

Amanda Moffett 1 year ago

This is so sweet…

Alison 2 years ago

Okay then, good for you :)

Alison 2 years ago

Thank you, Jennifer!

Alison 2 years ago

Congratulations! Enjoy the first year, it’s magical and it goes by far too quickly.

Alison 2 years ago

Hah! I know, right?

Alison 2 years ago

Much love to you, thank you Tammy!

Alison 2 years ago

Thank you Nina!

Alexa 2 years ago

I love this and it is so very true! (And I so wish I could blame the stained shirt on just my kids!!!)

Tammy 2 years ago

Perfect. Just perfect.

Andrea 2 years ago

Thay was beautiful and much needed. Thank you!
I just had my first child, an awesome, healthy, light-of-my-world baby boy. It is an overwhelming, stressful, and wonderful adjustment to my life. Thanks for the positive reminder.

Nina 2 years ago

This is perfect, Alison!

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you, Katie!

Alison 3 years ago

It is, and the best part is? We still win.

Practical Parenting 3 years ago

Alison! This is perfection!

Alexandra 3 years ago

So sweet.

everything is a trade off, isn’t it?

Alison 3 years ago

It’s totally worth it!

Alison 3 years ago

Jessica, it doesn’t really get easier, as things are always changing when the children go from age to age. However, you DO get better at this motherhood thing. :)

Tonya 3 years ago

Every word rings true. But it’s all totally worth it. :)

Alison 3 years ago

Yes! Aren’t we moms awesome?

Jessica Smock 3 years ago

Oh, my gosh, Alison! This is getting “scary”! You are everywhere! Whenever I take some time out of my day of dealing with a crazy toddler and doing my own writing work to read something on my own, there you are, saying something intelligent and funny on some relevant topic!
And I completely agree… For some reason, I had this preconception about motherhood that I would “get my life back” after a certain amount of time. First, everyone said it would be six weeks. (“Oh, the first six weeks are the hardest!”) Then it was three months, then six months, then a year. My son will be two at the end of April, and I’m still waiting for it to get “easy.”

Alison 3 years ago

Thanks Stacey!

themeanmama 3 years ago

And you will learn to type one handed while nursing your baby and reaching out to other mama’s in hopes of feeling not quite so alone in the joyous chaos of your new life.

Stacey 3 years ago

Love this post! My kids are a little older (12 & 8) but I still have some of the every day frustrations that come along with having kids…but I can’t imagine what my life would be like without them in it.

Alison 3 years ago

Melly, so glad you liked the post. Have a good day!

Alison 3 years ago

I was saving the good stuff for the blog post :)
Kidding. I did tell her some. Later. Promise.

Madeleine 3 years ago

Why did you not tell her the good stuff?!
I agree, though, no matter what frustrations my 2 bring me, they make me smile and laugh every day. It’s a cliche but I don’t think anything truly prepares you for parenthood – it’s definitely a “you have to be there” thing.

melly 3 years ago

This is so true and wonderfully said. I think sometimes too much focus is put on the negative changes to life that kids bring and it is really nice that the positive changes are listed. Thank you for making me smile and bringing some warmth to my heart as I sit up way too early to get my kids to school.

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you sweetheart!!

Alison 3 years ago

Your children are very lucky to have you as their mother, Alma!

Galit Breen 3 years ago

Love this post, love seeing you here! Way to go, girlfriend! xo

Alma 3 years ago

Oh my yes to it all. Its all true!
Looking back on nursing as long as I did while working and taking online classes. I think it was nuts. But so worth it.
My heart is so full each and every day, no matter how my house looks and how stinky I smell.
Thanks Alison :)

Alison 3 years ago

Indeed, days are long, years are short.

Alison 3 years ago

That’s more important than an empty sink!

Alison 3 years ago

They probably won’t believe the part about going to the bathroom alone though :)

Alison 3 years ago

Yes, absolutely!

Alison 3 years ago

I love the analogy, Annie!

Alison 3 years ago

Absolutely, there is so much more!

Debbie 3 years ago

This is so true, love it. Life is never the same after having a child or more than one child. The happiness out weights anything else. If you want your tummy to be flat again do some exercises and practice holding in those tummy muscles.

Life is much fuller ones you have children and you can get more sleep once they leave home. Don’t worry about losing sleep, because the years go by quickly.

Christina 3 years ago

True, true, TRUE!

Natasha 3 years ago

Absolutely love this! Every part of it is so true. I still have dishes in my sink from the past few days lol, but I’m happier and more fulfilled than I could ever be. I feel complete! :)

Lady Jennie 3 years ago

Future moms need to hear this!!

just JENNIFER 3 years ago

It’s something one cannot understand until they experience it. No amount of “having a child changes everything” warnings will sink in until it happens to you.

Annie 3 years ago

Beautiful! I don’t know why some women think you can pop out a baby from a body that resembles a retractable roof and suddenly go right back to normal. Things have to shift and sag…but what a great reason to have it all go to hell.

Mercy 3 years ago

So true. Nothing goes back to the way it was pre-kids.

Allen@Funny Baby Videos 3 years ago

And those are only a few of the benefits of being a parent.

Leighann 3 years ago

Beautiful Alison. You said it exactly as it is.

Kristin @kdwald 3 years ago

Apparently, a great – ahem – exposure tip is to put NIPPLES in a post. It’s about to become one of my most popular posts. So silly!

nycemel 3 years ago

An the only crafting u will get to do is helping your little one achieve theirs. But their joy at doing it can honestly fill the gap

Christi 3 years ago

AMEN

Alison 3 years ago

That’d come with age anyway, yes? The forgetting? :)

Alison 3 years ago

Children are blessings and joys, despite all the hardships, yes?

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you, sweetie. Hee! Love you and your (non) boobs.

Alison 3 years ago

Love your story, Diane!

Arnebya 3 years ago

All the things we lose when we become a parent can’t, don’t, won’t ever compare to all that is gained (even though, yes, sometimes the gain is the inability to remember virtually anything, but still.)

Barbara Ubele 3 years ago

NO NO NO and after 7 years of fertility doctors the best days of my LIFE WHERE The ones when My three kids were born!!! 37 years later and I have all these problems except the cleaning ones and Laundry but it was well worth it. Now I spend it with my GRANDKIDS!!!

tracy@sellabitmum 3 years ago

Beautiful, my dear friend. Where did my boobs go?

Diane 3 years ago

Well put!!! It’s almost hard to recall how self centered my life was until my first child blessed me with her presence at 38, how busy I THOUGHT I was!! I wouldn’t trade a single pound, stretch mark, long night, winy day, or a minute of privacy and only wish I was able to start sooner. (I’m on my second and last at 42). As the mother of a cancer survivor ( yes she had cancer at 10 months old) The joys of motherhood always outweigh every single suck ass moment that may come your way temporarily. The first laugh, hug, kiss, “I love you” from your toddler…….all of those “mommy imperfections” fade into the background.

Alison 3 years ago

Lack of sleep really makes everything a little louder/ more colorful!

Alison 3 years ago

Hee! You’re a funny lady :)

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you, ladies.

Amanda Martin 3 years ago

All very true, especially the laughing (although I would add crying and shouting). I have never laughed as hard as I do at my children’s antics but I’ve never sobbed so hard from tiredness or shouted as loud from frustration. I guess the two-hours’ sleep magnifies every emotion! :)

Poppy 3 years ago

That’s right, my cuticles are as wide as my hips, but you are so right I wouldn’t change it for anything!

Grown and Flown 3 years ago

So so lovely and true, especially the heart part.

Emr 3 years ago

Speak for yourself lady, my hips and boobs are as they ever were.

Alison 3 years ago

Joanne, yes, definitely. When you’re a parent, you’re a parent, no matter how your children came to you.

Alison 3 years ago

Oh, yes, definitely. The Johnson & Johnson ad for the Olympics? I was sobbing.

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you Meggan!

Alison 3 years ago

Time does fly! Especially when they’re itty bitty like mine are now.

joanne 3 years ago

Just gotta say it is true of adopting a baby not just birthing one!!

Gab 3 years ago

And you will cry at those sappy things that you used to laugh at moms for crying over. Like this post. “Sniff Sniff.

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you Renee! And hats off to you – 5 kids? Wow. :)

Meggan 3 years ago

This is Lovely!!

Alison 3 years ago

When I had my 2nd, for some reason, I was surrounded by first-time mothers, which prompted this post. :) And thank you!

Alison 3 years ago

Yes, plenty of time for an organized house!

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you so kindly, Jackie.

Alison 3 years ago

It makes my heart happy that a new Mama loved this post.

Alison 3 years ago

I named my pooch Winnie – you? :)
Thanks for reading!

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you!

Libby 3 years ago

As one who now has Grands and one whose memories of times past are cloudy , hold on tight to your children for in the blink of an eye they will be giving you what I so enjoy now Granchildren

Renee M 3 years ago

Inspirational!! Totally true – I have 5 kids!!

Alison 3 years ago

What’s that saying, if you don’t smile, you’ll cry? :)
Seriously, a post with the word nipples in it? Have. To. Read.

Katie 3 years ago

As the first mom in my group of friends I expect to be having this conversation many many times over the next couple of years. It’s true, you never will be the same, but there are so many ways that you are better. You wrote the truth very well!

Jennifer 3 years ago

Wise words and so true! Loved this beautiful post, Alison!

Katia 3 years ago

Beautifully put, Alison, and I mean both your post and the comment to Jill. I agree with every word in your post. A friend of mine put it this way – your heart literally expands with each child and that is what you describe here. Lovely!

Leslie 3 years ago

More well-put truths from Alison! I don’t even remember what a truly clean & organized house looks like anymore. But someday the kids will be grown and the mess all gone, and these early days will be the ones we long for.

Jackie 3 years ago

PERFECTION.
@LuckyMamaJ

A Morning Grouch 3 years ago

As the mother of a 6 month old, I’ve wondered this…and absolutely love and appreciate your response.

Mamarific 3 years ago

Aw, so true, so true! And you said it so well. “Smile will always be wider” is my favorite. Thanks for making me feel better about my aching back and poochy tummy on a Saturday night.

Mamaintheburbs 3 years ago

Beautifully written Alison! And all so true. Our children bring us the greatest gift in life and that’s love. Thanks for reminding me.

Kristin 3 years ago

I don’t know if my smile is always a little bit wider – unless it’s because I’m manic due to lack of sleep and too much caffeine. But my heart walking out of my chest? Oh yes.

Thanks for sharing, Alison! And thanks for sharing the space, Jill!

Alison 3 years ago

:) Ooh, I need to go read you post about children and trust!

Alison 3 years ago

Thank you, Adrienne!

Stephanie 3 years ago

Oh, fine. Fine. You’re right!!

Alison 3 years ago

Jill, as always, thank you for your generosity in sharing your space, giving us moms a voice. Love to you. xoxo

Adrienne 3 years ago

Love this! SO true.