I'm not pregnant

I’m not pregnant

August 19, 2010 Updated June 19, 2014

I’m not pregnant. The three tests with cross expressions on their faces that are sitting in my bathroom trash confirmed it.

Considering that I have an IUD siting snugly in my uterus this should come as no surprise.

But, I woke up yesterday feeling like shit. My stomach was bubbly and crampy and I had heartburn radiating from my chest. Plus, I’ve been exhausted for weeks.

I bet you’re pregnant, Jeff suggested.

No, I responded. Impossible. I just had one too many Fiber One bars. And, I better not be. We cannot have a baby now.

But as the day wore on, I became less sure.

I cried at the end of Hotel for Dogs. I drank lemon tea and toast. I brainstormed just how we were going to tell the kids that we had to get rid of the puppy, but they would get a new sibling instead. I drafted announcement blog posts in my head. I found myself protecting my belly as Evan pounced on top of it. I cuddled with him on the couch and for one brief moment thought it might not be so bad to have another.

But, Jeff brought home a pack of tests and each of them instantly resulted in a single straight line.

This is a good thing. I would have been in hysterics if they were positive. We cannot afford a baby. It would have been a mess.

I just wish I didn’t feel so disappointed.