50 Ways Other People's Kids Suck

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

1. They give your kid the stomach bug before family vacations.

2. They use poor aim in your bathroom.

3. They teach the bad words that even you don’t use.

4. They inform your child that mittens, coats and scarves are stupid.

5. They guilt you into buying six boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

6. They are the reason your daughter only wants clothes from Justice.

7. Nine out of ten times, they are the cause behind ER visits.

8. They scream bloody murder when your dog tries to lick them.

9. They cough and sneeze right in your child’s face.

10. You can’t manipulate them like you can your own.

11. They whine.

12. They teach your kid how to password protect electronics, but don’t share the actual password.

13. They make a mess in your playroom and don’t clean up.

14. They utter things like “at my house, I’m allowed to…”

15. They sing louder than your kid at school performances.

16. They dare your child to do things he never would have thought of on his own.

17. They break things and don’t fess up.

18. They make fun of your kid for something you love.

19. They have parties and don’t invite your baby.

20. They get carsick in your car.

21. They report back home that your house is messy.

22. They stay up all night during sleepovers.

23. They teach your kid about the birds and the bees.

24. They make fun of daughter for liking princesses or dolls.

25. They smell after playing outside.

26. They spill the beans on the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.

27. They don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.

28. They pick your kid last for their team.

29. They discover where you keep the permanent markers.

30. They talk with their mouths full of food.

31. They knock down Lego towers that took weeks to build.

32. They track mud in your house.

33. They tell your daughter that her knock off American Girl doll isn’t real.

34. They pick their noses and eat the findings.

35. They get straight A’s, throwing the class curve.

36. They don’t like your cooking.

37. They laugh when your child mouths off to you.

38. They have birthday parties your children are expected to attend.

39. They stick stickers on your car windows.

40. They play hairdresser with your daughter’s hair.

41. They sell over-priced lemonade that you have to buy on your street corner.

42. They roll their eyes at you.

43. Their poop smells horrible.

44. They tell your kid that he or she dresses weird.

45. They come to your house famished.

46. They infect your child with hand, foot and mouth disease.

47. They give your kid a reason to say “so and so’s mother let’s her…”

48. They whisper secrets.

49. They pass on lice.

50. They aren’t nearly as irresistible, adorable and entertaining as your kid.

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