50 Ways Other People’s Kids Suck

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 1. They give your kid the stomach bug before family vacations.

2. They use poor aim in your bathroom.

3. They teach the bad words that even you don’t use.

4. They inform your child that mittens, coats and scarves are stupid.

5. They guilt you into buying six boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

6. They are the reason your daughter only wants clothes from Justice.

7. Nine out of ten times, they are the cause behind ER visits.

8. They scream bloody murder when your dog tries to lick them.

9. They cough and sneeze right in your child’s face.

10. You can’t manipulate them like you can your own.

11. They whine.

12. They teach your kid how to password protect electronics, but don’t share the actual password.

13. They make a mess in your playroom and don’t clean up.

14. They utter things like “at my house, I’m allowed to…”

15. They sing louder than your kid at school performances.

16. They dare your child to do things he never would have thought of on his own.

17. They break things and don’t fess up.

18. They make fun of your kid for something you love.

19. They have parties and don’t invite your baby.

20. They get carsick in your car.

21. They report back home that your house is messy.

22. They stay up all night during sleepovers.

23. They teach your kid about the birds and the bees.

24. They make fun of daughter for liking princesses or dolls.

25. They smell after playing outside.

26. They spill the beans on the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.

27. They don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.

28. They pick your kid last for their team.

29. They discover where you keep the permanent markers.

30. They talk with their mouths full of food.

31. They knock down Lego towers that took weeks to build.

32. They track mud in your house.

33. They tell your daughter that her knock off American Girl doll isn’t real.

34. They pick their noses and eat the findings.

35. They get straight A’s, throwing the class curve.

36. They don’t like your cooking.

37. They laugh when your child mouths off to you.

38. They have birthday parties your children are expected to attend.

39. They stick stickers on your car windows.

40. They play hairdresser with your daughter’s hair.

41. They sell over-priced lemonade that you have to buy on your street corner.

42. They roll their eyes at you.

43. Their poop smells horrible.

44. They tell your kid that he or she dresses weird.

45. They come to your house famished.

46. They infect your child with hand, foot and mouth disease.

47. They give your kid a reason to say “so and so’s mother let’s her…”

48. They whisper secrets.

49. They pass on lice.

50. They aren’t nearly as irresistible, adorable and entertaining as your kid.

About the writer

@scarymommy

In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

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The Older Sibling 1 week ago

26. They spill the beans on the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. – I already know this but it pisses me off that there are some kids on this website who don’t know that…..You just ruined it for them BUTTTTTTTT I love this post. 10/10 Best thing ever. :)

uptowngirl 4 months ago

Love your website and sense of humor! How about the most noisy child on the block that comes over and you almost immediately want him to leave. See, they live in a house and can jump, yell, talk as loud as humanly possible, also do all of the above while playing with already noisy enough X-box games, while you live in apt. where the bottom and side tenants will bang on your floor or walls at the slightest noise that’s louder than usual. You tell them this truth and ask them to please tone it down, but they just never seem to get the point. This type of other persons kid drive me knucking futz!

Anonymous 4 months ago

Because, some parents don’t talk to their kids that much, or their brothers and sisters, so when they get to you, they have someone they can talk to.

Becky J. 4 months ago

It sounds like you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of. That’s more your fault than anybody else’s. You say you were a “reluctant” babysitter…just say NO! You can’t act like a door mat and then get mad when people walk all over you.

Becky J. 4 months ago

Why are you on a website for moms if you don’t have kids? That would be like me as an atheist visiting a christian site.
Just seems a little odd to me.
Just sayin’

MrsL 7 months ago

Hit too close to home huh?

MrsL 7 months ago

Yes to pretty much all of these!
DH and I are so tired of other people’s kids that we avoid hanging out with parents unless they have sitters. I’m awesome with kids and I do like them but something happens when other parents catch on to this: I wind up doing their jobs.
When I was in my teens people would show up at my house with their kids in tow and would guilt me into cancelling plans because their kids were “just so excited to play with me”. This was code for “I was too lazy/cheap/disorganized to get the girl down the street to babysit even though she’s always up for it and I’m not paying you either”. I learned to run to the window whenever a car pulled up and to sneak out the back door if there were little people or I’d be stuck watching Fern Gully five times in a row.
I thought things would get better in my twenties when I was in university. Nope! I’d come home for Christmas and have to spend family dinners locked away in playrooms and eating at the kids table while my younger cousins got included with the adults. One aunt was shocked to hear that I was twenty five because she “just thought of me as one of the kids”. She was thirty two and I’d been working and living on my own since she had known me.
And now that I’m married with two step kids and in my thirties the husband and I have learned to just not make plans with our parent friends unless they have gotten sitters. Why? We were good friends with two other couples who both had kids and, since the step kids aren’t here full time, we were constantly being asked to look after their kids. There was a baby at my stagette and there would have been a toddler too if I hadn’t said something. We would go to their places and suddenly I’d be responsible for airplane rides, stories, and bedtimes while the parents did nothing. And when they came to our place? The husband and I would have to be on constant watch to keep the kids out of the cat litter/art supplies/everything dangerous while these people relaxed and were oblivious to the mayhem. Oh and we’d be cooking too and would have to clean up because their kids just empty their bowls onto the floor when they’re done eating. Awesome.
Huh. That was a bit of a rant. Anyhow other people passing their kids off on us has made us decide that my two step kids are enough and that we won’t be reversing the husbands vasectomy. I might not be a “real mom” but I’ve damn near raised enough other people’s kids to be ok with that.

outdoor gifts 9 months ago

I’d like to thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this site.
I am hoping to see the same high-grade blog posts by you later on as well.
In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own
website now 😉

Deb 11 months ago

She didn’t hate on the other kid for getting straight A’s. She commented on the fact the other kid constantly brags about it to a kid who she knows doesn’t do as well in school. She never said the girl should ‘dumb herself down’. The A student can be proud of herself with out rubbing other’s faces in her straight A’s.

Tsu 11 months ago

So I take it I wasn’t the only one thinking, “Shit, I better get my kid to start washing their hands and stop eating their boogers.” My daughters manners are impeccable when around people, but shes got some honing to do before I let other kids shitty parents look at her and allow their kids over to report that our house smells like pot smoke (which isn’t even ours… damn neighbours) and our tv isn’t that great…

Little shits.

B Hubbs 1 year ago

Sounds like the mom who had time to create this list of 50 complaints has too much time on her hands and should consider a second job!!

Shannon 2 years ago

It’s the mean things that would get to me. I can take loud, goofy, stinky, and messy or even being a little different, but meanness and hurting them is another ball game. That’s where I will become unnerved as a parent. I am all about someones intentions & the way something was said. Guess I better get suited up for battle now. :-/

Shannon 2 years ago

Ha! my mother is a 2nd grade teacher she would love this, especially in these times. She is so ready for retirement lol.

Shannon 2 years ago

lmao! I dare you, shame on me for laughing. hahahaha

Shannon 2 years ago

omg! what a heifer! We are adopting and I am dreading the ignorant statements, and here you are with a biological child and still getting the insults, unbelievable, so rude of that woman.

Shannon 2 years ago

That would really piss me off, that adult knows better. Yeah she wouldnt be getting many versions of anything in the future. Is nothing sacred anymore?? agh!

Erin C 2 years ago

I hope you all remember how you feel about “other people’s kids” when you send your perfect little angels to school and your child’s teacher has to teach a bunch of snotty nosed “other people’s kids”

Alayna 2 years ago

HA!! Exactly what I was thinking!

TakeNOBull 2 years ago

FU

Donna 3 years ago

my goddaughter threw up in her mom’s date’s car (they decided to go on a date and letting their kids come along to see how everyone got along) and she ended up throwing up in his car, he wouldn’t let them clean it up either. My goddaughter was CONVINCED that her mom’s date didn’t like her anymore because of it, sweetheart :(

Pattie Crider 3 years ago

Printed this blog post out as an example of a great post in a unique format for my creative non-fiction class at YCP.

:-) Great list of 50!
Pattie

SunshineMomOf5 3 years ago

OMG! That almost made me choke I laughed so hard!

christina 3 years ago

they manipulate your child just to watch her get in trouble.

they say mean things like you can’t play with us and single your child as the outsider.

they teach annoying things like tattle telling.

i’m sure there’s more but i just made myself to irritated to think!

I must be nuts to have 9! 3 years ago

I NEVER comment on posts but…
OMG peeling paint?!!? I seriously thought that was only my kids!!! It’s so bad they can’t use the bathroom downstairs because it’s by the kitchen. Ruins everyone’s appetites!

Although…might save money on the grocery bill…

Jess 3 years ago

Haha thanks for the laugh!

Jackie 3 years ago

Karen, My hubby and I say ‘OPK’ too. There are select few that we can tolerate

Jackie 3 years ago

This is funny. Except I was the one trying to convince my kids that hats, mittens and scarves are stupid 😉 They get lost and make it take even longer to get 5 kids out the door.

Mary 3 years ago

I had the vaccination and still caught it this summer at age 38.

Tammy 3 years ago

I loathe Justice. It makes me feel like someone stuck me in the middle of a really loud, annoying carnival, where a bunch of kids were fed too many snow cones and cotton candy. And then they threw up everywhere.

And I got charged to take it all home.

Jessica 3 years ago

This is so true. I always thing a playdate is a good idea, until it actually happens.

Ldawson 3 years ago

Yeah, good luck with the being a cool, not embarrassing parent thing! Ask anyone who’s raised teenagers if their kids thought they were cool, and I’ll bet 99% will say their kids were embarrassed by them. I have a 21 year old and 17 year old, and while the 17 year old, my son, isn’t too embarrassed by us, my 21 year old daughter, who I planned this great mother-daughter relationship with, was mortified by anything I said or did from the time she was 13. I appreciate the sarcasm in this article, and I have been around long enough to take it for what it is. I have been the best mother I know how to be, my kids friends like me, a lot of them love me, my daughter is recently married to a med student, and my son is top of his classes, although he definitely wasn’t when he was younger. But my daughter has adhd, which means she gets bored easily, so she never wanted to be home, she was that other kid. So if you are taking these things so seriously, you’re missing the point. Deep down, we all feel that way a little bit.

zumpie 3 years ago

Actually, I was replying to the thread—(and someone else DID use the term “little tramp” and sadly “little whores” has been flaunted around this blog a LOT).

While I see your point, there’s a huge, vast gulf between a kid wearing (or thinking about wearing) eyeshadow or being interested in the opposite gender in an age appropriate manner and wearing bootie shorts, actracting much older boys, thinking it’s all about boys, etc.

For the record my daughter is interested in boys and does wear lip gloss and eyeshadow to school sometimes (again, she’s 12). But she would rather be shot than be so trashy as to wear booty shorts and is also interested in art, poetry, drama, music, manga and horror movies (among other things).

It’s hardly an either/or situation.

Rachel 3 years ago

ACTUALLY, I never called any little girl a whore or a tramp… you replied to the wrong post. And you can deny the fact that little girls are growing up much too quickly now all you want, but it doesn’t make it not true. And when mothers do nothing to discourage their 10-12 yr. old daughters from wearing questionable clothing or behaving in a certain manner around the opposite sex, it most definitely is a problem. It’s one thing to want to experiment… I agree, let them experiment, but also tell her what’s right and what’s wrong…. and excuse me, but allowing your blossoming (yet still pre-teen child) to parade around in rolled-up booty shorts because you think it makes her feel more girly and sexy IS NOT HEALTHY. Being against that is not being oppressive or controlling, it’s being a parent. I know I don’t want teenage boys looking at my much younger daughter in an inappropriate way and I certainly don’t want her seeing that and thinking that’s what it’s all about…. acquiring the attention of men for all the wrong reasons. And girls at a much younger age are dressing this way, pining for boys’ attention more desperately, and wanting to wear make-up on a regular basis because parents are letting them, sending them a message that it’s ok, you’re a girl, flaunt your stuff like girls are supposed to.

nikonmom 3 years ago

I didn’t say it was new or wierd, and my husband and I laughed about it. And monitored their play more closely following that. But she’s still not on my list of favorite playmates for my son. And I love a house full of loud, boisterous boys full of energy and play. I just had thought I would have to watch my boys with the girls more than the other way around, and not quite so early in the game!

Thomas 3 years ago

@Jack:
You need to nip that in the bud now before your daughter goes around telling boys she gives good head without knowing what she’s really saying. It may not be now, but unless you have I’m pretty sure this one will come back and bite you.
I have a friend who’s daughter is in 7th grade. We were at my buddy’s place watching a Bears game. She was on the phone and told the 8th grade boy she was talking to that she gave good head. She said this in the same room with all of us sitting there. I promise you beer burns coming out your nose. My buddy comes off as the type who would kill his daughter if he ever found out she was having sex before marriage and even then she’s not allowed to get married until she’s 30, sex maybe when she’s in her 40s.
After she was sent to her room and the other children were sent to the playroom so we adults could talk, we decided on a course. We had her invite him over, and sat all the children down. Eight kids from 9 to 13. We asked her if she knew what it meant, she told us no and that she had overhead two girls during lunch talking about it and how guys liked it. We asked if any of the kids knew what “head” was. My son, “Duh dad, head is what makes the difference between a good home made beer or root beer. You taught me that, I do listen.” When we asked if they knew what sex was, again my son answered, “It’s when a boy and a girl who really like each other kiss.”
When we started to talk to them about all of it, it started off very awkward for all of us. It the end our children learned exactly what the various sexual acts are and what sex was. The results of what sex can cause, they learned about diseases. They found out what we as their parents thought about it and expected from them in regards to it. What we learned from our children was that they found every aspect of sex, except for kissing, to be very gross. We are all ok with them thinking sex is gross and hope it lasts for a long time.
My buddy and his wife did have to deal with her boyfriends parents about us talking to him about sex. She made it clear to his mother, if she wanted him to be allowed to date their daughter he would know what was what. His father thanked us for having that awkward talk, that he didn’t know how to have with him.
Two years ago my son’s mother called me and told me I should have a talk with him about the birds and bees. At the time he was 9 in a half. I went over the whole spiel about watch what you say and do because you can’t take it back once said or done. Hormones and all that good stuff. I asked him if he knew what sex was, and he said no. Then I asked him what other kids at school said it was, he told me they all said it was kissing. So I left it at that.
Biggest mistake I could have made. Three months later his mother called me while I was at work and told me what he did. He was texting with a girl from school, and asked her how many boys she had sex with. She showed her father, who in turn called his mother. I could have killed him for it.
About a month went by before I talked to him about it. I asked a friend to go fishing with us, just in case I came unglued. I asked him about it. He told me all the girls were having sex with boys and he didn’t want a girlfriend who had sex with a lot of boys. I didn’t have the conversation with his mother about him thinking sex was just kissing. To him, he was just asking her how many boys she had kissed. He was no longer grounded and his mother and I had to have a talk with him about how it was wrong to ask such a question. Which sounds worse when they both mean the same. How many boys have you kissed or how many boys have you had sex with?

@Zumpie
My cousins walked around saying wacked things like that just to irritate their parents and get a rile out of other adults, hell we even did it. Straight A students,involved in community service, and very outgoing individuals. The boys are a little over a year apart, ones a freshmen in college and the other is a senior in high school, their sister just started 8th grade. At a family get together just after Labor Day, when my cousin was asked how college was, he said, “Nothing a good blow job from one of them fine ladies on campus couldn’t make better.” His little sister tore him a new asshole for saying that. Even after the boys had said it for years and we yelled at them for years about saying it, she didn’t know what it was. She learned what it was, from a girl she went to school with.
This past football season my son told another kid, “Suck it bitch,” and then sacked the QB. They told their coach. It came out that one of the kids he said it to, told him to go suck a fat dick because the other team was losing. I died laughing, simply because I knew where he got it from. The refs and coaches on the other team did nothing about what the kid said to my son. I had my son benched for a quarter.
Just because he said something, doesn’t mean he needs mental help of any type. Children will be children and do things just to show their parents that they are not as in control of them as they’d like to be.

Kristen Brakeman 3 years ago

This list is hysterical.

In the last two weeks we had the Santa thing spoiled and the birds and the bees revealed – by yes, other people’s kids.

I really struggle liking other people’s kids. I realize that doesn’t reflect well on me.

zumpie 3 years ago

Little kids do stuff like that all the time. Obviously, this is a little girl who likes boys and your son thinks girls are icky. Nothing new or weird there. Chillax, dude.

Lu 3 years ago

Hilarious list! I’d like to add a couple: They tell your kid they have big ears and they throw up in your bathroom all over the counter!

zumpie 3 years ago

Mmmmmm, a 14 year old saying something like that to an 8 year old really IS pretty gross. Even my potty mouthed daughter would NEVER speak that way to a kid that much younger (and she’s only 12).

Seriously, it goes waaaay past just “kids being kids” (which I’m normally the first one to brush away) and moves into something kinda disturbing.

Also etiquette and thicker skin aren’t really the same thing (though admittedly two areas you might wish to improve upon :-).

And may I say, you’re clearly a delightful individual, your own self.

Jack 3 years ago

I know, I am the douche bag for pointing you are acting like an ass.

The next time I visit Portland I’ll make a note to attend one of your etiquette classes so that I can learn how to have a thicker skin.

BTW, how you can take one comment and decide a kid needs psychiatric help. Oh, wait, don’t tell me because I think I might have figured it out.

Zumpie, you are just peachy. :)

zumpie 3 years ago

Aaaaannnnd are you always this douchey? Oh right, not if someone’s fawning over what you wrote—you might actually get your books published if you had a thicker skin. Seriously, if Stephenie Myer could get her sparkly vampire fantasy printed….

Meanwhile, I hope that kid’s mom got psychiatric care for him, cause that’s waaaay past smartass and into perv territory.

Jack 3 years ago

Do you begin most conversations by telling people what they should have done or how they could have done it?

I’ll put money down that most people don’t respond positively to that.

And I am not responsible for making sure that you don’t make foolish assumptions because you didn’t have the complete back story.

But just to help you out again, the reason my daughter was around the 14 year-old is because she was playing with his 8 year-old sister at their home.

Man, you took a story that had a tongue-in-cheek remark and ran with it.

I never threatened the actual 14 year-old because I didn’t have to. His mother heard the conversation and responded.

Anyway, it has been fun but I have to go find a tree to swing from now.

zumpie 3 years ago

Maybe then you should keep a tighter reign on who she hangs out with (at 8 1/2 my kid certainly didn’t hang with 14 year olds). I think instead of threatening what’s clearly a really dumb 14 year old, just tell its parents.

That said, I do agree that 8 1/2 is still very much a little kid. However, next time instead of hurling personal insults, maybe you should just give a fuller back story.

Jack 3 years ago

Zumpie,

Reading comprehension is important. I never said how old my daughter is but you made an assumption about her age based on a few lines of text.

She is 8.5 and I have no problem with her being treated as a little girl because she is one and she doesn’t need to know what “giving head” means.’

I wouldn’t care if we used a term like “Fellatio” either because an 8.5 year-old doesn’t need to know.

I don’t care if you approve of my parenting or not but I appreciate your ridiculous, misguided and misinformed commentary.

Next time you might consider checking your facts before you choose to engage with someone.

zumpie 3 years ago

Yeaaaaahhhh…. nothing so dreadful as having open, honest communication with your children. Especially when you can get all neanderthall Tarzan-like.

The fact that your high school/almost high school aged kid was “taught” this shows that the sheltered method isn’t exactly working. Most kids nowadays know about that sort of stuff by early middle school (if not before). Doesn’t mean they DO anything, just they know about it.

When your daughter’s preggers next year because you “wanted her to stay innocent” (and in the process, didn’t inform her of anything), you’ll know why. And be the moron

zumpie 3 years ago

My daughter’s only 12 and she’s independent enough to respond with “ew” (as would be the response of most tween/early teen girls). And walk away.

Instead of getting all macho and chest puffing: A) explain to your daughter why you’d prefer she not associate with that kid anymore. B) have a discussion with your kid about these things. Works a LOT better.

Jack 3 years ago

Why do I get the feeling two or three trolls are responsible for a bunch of the comments. Hmm…

I like kids most of the time, but there are moments when you want to scream like when the 14 year-old down the street teaches your daughter that boys like hearing “I give good head.”

On behalf of the fathers of daughter allow me to put said 14 year old on notice- we don’t think it is funny and we have ways to influence your future.

Good times.

Jeff Archer 3 years ago

Wait, the title to this article is all wrong. Aren;t these the reasons we love kids? Are we really so intolerant or inflexible or selfish? I know this is just for fun, but seriously, these are opportunities to learn, help, adapt, think, hug,and laugh.

zumpie 3 years ago

Ho hum, again with the Justice thing? While I do think their clothes are mite sparkly and bright (not to mention overpriced, which is why you wait for their inevitable promotions and sales, like ALL retail items), I’m really not seeing the “slutty” part. Plus your daughter will probably outgrow her affinity and move on to a different “look” (mine’s a beatnik, now).

That said, I do agree about the dolls and princesses are stupid, but your kid might have a moment of self-realization. To whit:

We first visited WDW when my daughter was 7. We bought her the very elaborate, special edition GOLD Disney Princess Aurora costume that she begged us for. I think I even eliminated something to ensure we were able to pack it.

Of course we also had made a lunch reservation at Cinderella’s Royal Table, cause, well, that would be us. That day, she flatly refused to wear her costume, cited it as babyish (though she was fine dragging her new My Disney Girl Doll and matching it, along with wearing various Disney character outfits), but still posed for pitures and had a good time.

Fast forward to our trip THIS year, where we lunched (for photos, convenience and dining credits) again at Cinderella’s Royal Table. My now aged 12 daughter, demanded to know why we hadn’t costumed HER when she was younger (she’s too sophisticated, now—and likes Alice better, anyway). After we told her what happened, she was unspeakably disappointed in herself. She also realized that it was other kids making her feel babyish about it that had influenced her.

I simply pointed out this was why she’s generally better off marching to her own drummer (which she honestly generally does). She agreed.

Nicole 3 years ago

I don’t like kids at all for all 50 reasons. That’s why I never had any. I think I was born without a biological clock because I don’t even gush over babies.

zumpie 3 years ago

Actually,

1) Please stop caling what are, in fact, still little girls “little tramps” or “little whores”. This is a child we’re talking about and that you even see a kid who experiements with make-up (male or female) that way says much more unpleasant things about YOU than it does the kid in question.

2) It doesn’t need to be one or the other (and preventing your kid from growing up is very creepy, as well). My daughter is 12 and STILL plays with dolls. She also likes (and has liked since she was about 3 or 4) boys. Sometimes she wears make-up, sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes she wears her teeny kitten heeled shoes, more often it’s her mary-janes.

All are perfectly normal, natural parts of growing up. Because we discuss things openly and agree on what is and isn’t appropriate for her age, this is a conflict we simply don’t have. No need to control or oppress. Just talk.

To the original poster—I hate the fact that many kids no longer play with dolls—fortunately my daughter has always adored them!

zumpie 3 years ago

Yes, how dare other parents choose to spend their $$$ on their children they way they want to! And how dare those children be happy about it!

Really simple remedy—-have a conversation about life being about choices/you can’t have everything, etc. Many, many kids at my daughter’s school have I-Phones—she doesn’t, but she has nicer clothes and more of them. Oh—and she DID get to go to WDW for Xmas this year (even got out of school a week early for the trip!).

While we’ll still get occasional I-phone whining, overall she gets it and is fine with it. Same way someone else will be better at something, get better grades, etc. Or as we like to call it, “life”.

Ambertolina 3 years ago

What is with the whispering secrets in front of other people? And other kids’ parents just letting their little darlings get away with that? I was taught that whispering secrets in front of other people (usually ABOUT the person whom you’re whispering in front of, duh) was terribly rude when I was growing up. Why does no one know this anymore?

Jake’s Mom 3 years ago

Usually there is one kid that for some reason sucks far more than all the rest too! This particular devil child I have been so lucky to have had over, has locked me out of my own house, told me he doesn’t eat prok chops, only steak! Wet the bed and didn’t say anything! and #43!!! Let me tell you!!! This kid quietly asked me for a plunger one afternoon, I said ” why do you need a plunger?” I run into the bathroom to the worst smell on earth, toilet over flowing with poo, and toilet paper, and even used TP in the trash can!!! I have cleaned up after a lot of kids, and never smelled something so terrible, I was literally gagging!! I said “what did you eat?!?!” he said ” chilli crispitos at school” OMG!! Even and hour later my husband walked past the bathroom and said ” geez who blew up the bathroom” …I seceretly banned this kid 2-1/2 years ago, everytime he INVITED his self over, we were busy!! Whats really sad is I don’t even feel bad about it! =) I am a horrible person!!

Miaja 3 years ago

Yes, my child WAS vaccinated!

Kristal 3 years ago

I actually like some of the ‘other kids’ but that’s probably because I’m a nanny and I’ve developed relationships with their families. I’m sure I won’t like all the ‘other kids’ my children bring to the house when they start going to school.
And yeah, #1 happened this year. My littlest (age 2) spent Christmas in the hospital with RSV/pneumonia that we got from the little girl I take care of. Boo.

hole 3 years ago

maybe you should recognize that more kids catch whooping cough who ARE vaccinated than those who are NOT. Idiot.

Melissa 3 years ago

I’m never so happy as to when the “other children” go home.

mamasunny 3 years ago

#49 – Dear lord help me, no more #49 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Butt 3 years ago

Maybe you should have vaccinated your kid. Idiot.

Jeremiah 3 years ago

19 and 38 seem to conflict with each other.

Thomas 3 years ago

I can’t speak for girls, I have an eleven year old boy. He’s a perfect angel at other people’s houses, at home he’s the devil. I have no doubts about this because when his mother or I pick him up from friends houses we get raving reviews about his behavior and how he’s welcome to come back over anytime. Wait you helped make a mess and then cleaned that mess up with your friend but at home I have to remind you to pick your toys and other things up!?!?!?
All people’s poo stinks, its just a fact of life. I could teach him about letting it fester. My youngest sister gets so pissed at me for doing this when I visit.
His mother and I aren’t together, so the first time he told her how not cool gloves, hats, and scarves were she called me. I agreed with him, they are so not cool, because they just scream loser-ville all plain. How is a plain black hat cool? Exactly it’s not! How redonkilous of any parent to expect their child to wear such things! I asked him what it would take for him to think they’re cool. After some thought, we redid his gloves with alien brains on them, his mother made him a scarf with rockets and other space things on it, and his hat was turned into a monster. Other boys in his class wanted what he had, he was the cool kid that winter. We’ve never had a problem with him since then. Now it’s a chore to get him to come in because of how warm he stays in his winter gear.
His mother and I are very picky about who we allow him to hang out with, where they’ll be, and what they’ll possibly be doing. I know my son probably gets your son into a lot of trouble when he comes home. He’ll sneak soda, kool aid, popsicles, and all that other good stuff to his friends. He’s probably the reason why your kid comes home full of mud, frogs/toads, and snakes. I’m pretty sure if your kid comes home with frozen hands and ears, my son was involved some way or form. If your children have ever came home with a black eye, bruised shins, a bloodied lip, or a broken limb I know my son was involved. He’ll talk them into jumping that “sick” hill with their bikes, or try making a “raw” trick on their skateboards. Maybe show the world what men they really are by playing tackle football in a field or in the street. Maybe a good game of street baseball. My son will not pick on your children because of their looks, clothes, or the way they talk. If they’re doing something and your kid doesn’t have something to do it with and he has an extra item, he’ll happily lend it to them for the day. He’ll even go so far as to stand up for your child when other children try to bully them.
We knew we couldn’t win the battle for name brand items. It’s just the nature of the beast. When he started asking us for that stuff, we made him a deal he couldn’t refuse. If he would accept whatever we choose to buy him, instead of name brands, we would only buy him top of line equipment for his sports and hobbies. He agreed. He has fishing gear that’s top of the line and the envy of a lot of boys and adults. He may have cheap day in and day out shoes, but he has top of the line shoes and boots for his hobbies and sports. He’s really a condescending lil dick when other children try to bully him. Oh your parents bought you such and such? Not very impressive because I have this, this, and this at home. My parents just won’t let me wear it to school because of jealous kids like you, they’re worried that you’ll ruin it. The school has called us because of him bullying the bully. I remind the school it wouldn’t have happened if the bully hadn’t started with him.

Jennifer Bilbro 3 years ago

I don’t like this growing up thing …. want to protect my 10 year old from creepy kids that talk about the birds and the bees.

Mom22Tweens 3 years ago

Jill, I can’t wait to see your response to this. And for the record, GDC, Jill is about as anti-gun as you can get. Not to mention, having humor that you don’t appreciate does not make one a mass murderer.

Mom22Tweens 3 years ago

Wow, best of luck with the med school route! And you’re right — everything is easier said than done, but keep your focus on the goals.

Laura 3 years ago

Hey From Me, This article was tongue-in-cheek – you realize that, don’t you? It’s called humor. Relax.

GDC 3 years ago

Who ever wrote this article NEEDS to get PSYCHIATRIC HELP RIGHT AWAY, Before they go off and start shooting children!!!!

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes 3 years ago

They have parents who brag about them.

Carol L. Zembry 3 years ago

You will be finding glitter when your son graduates from high school. It will turn up on his cap and gown. I think glitter can reproduce.

From Me 3 years ago

I’ll play my cards wisely. I definitely don’t want to be “that parent” that makes other kids say that. I’m not going to spoil my kids by any means. If i’m gonna work my tail off to be a doctor, they can work their tails off to get what they want (wants and needs for a teenage is another controversy in and of itself). But I just want to have the comfortable, warm, welcoming home that my kids like to be in, the friends like to hang out in, and the other parents feel good about. I won’t make it a point to hate on kids’ friends, I wont’ be the embarassing parent, I’ll be the goofy, fun parent that teens need to feel comfortable around. I remember being a teen and the cool moms and dads made it that much cooler to hang out with my buddies. Of course, this is all easier said than done. My oldest isn’t even in kindergarten yet, and I’m far from being a doctor! But it’s the goal that counts, and honestly, I don’t think anyone needs to be “rich” or a doctor to accomplish what I hope my home will be.

Shelly 3 years ago

BTW. This article is very offensive. Period!

Shelly 3 years ago

I don’t understand how any parent or adult could bag on someone elses children, not kids. Maybe you should all check your motives behind your comments. Good luck. Glad you all have not had the privilege of meeting my son.

Buffy 3 years ago

This is, like, the exact same list I just made on why I shouldn’t have a 5th child. Only it wasn’t about ‘other people’s kids’, unless ‘other people’ is their father…..

Stowed Stuff 3 years ago

Love this list! You forgot one. Just one:

They tattle on YOUR kids!

Mom22Tweens 3 years ago

Just razzin’ you in good fun, of course. My girls need to learn that life is still worth living every if their mean parents can’t or won’t buy them what the mythical “everybody else” has.

Mom22Tweens 3 years ago

Oh no, “afford the things that lure my kids and their friends to your house”.. e.g, the stuff that makes my kids whine incessantly, “EVERYBODY ELSE HAS…” I’ll try not to hate you anyway. 😉

From Me 3 years ago

How bout ya’ll quit your griping about other kids and realize if the kids are at your house, you know they’re not getting into trouble somewhere else. If you can learn to like your kids’ friends, you and your house are the cool hang out house. Why am I getting a medical Degree? so I can afford the things that lure my kids and their friends to my place so I know they’re not out egging at 3am, getting pregnant or looking at the friend’s older brother’s porn stash. Don’t be hating on the ninos. That’s why kids are going to pot these days. They need a better role model, and who better to step up than someone who sees they need it? (PS, there’s nothing anyone can do about the poo-stank though. that’s just nasty! :(

Galit Breen 3 years ago

Too. Much.

Love this!!

Laura 3 years ago

They come to your house famished and they break things. LMFAO!! So true, true, true. Does any kid eat before coming over – and do they break everything at their own house too??

Rachel 3 years ago

I played with dolls until I was 13ish! NOTHING wrong with it… it’s not being immature, it’s being a CHILD. I’m friends with a mom who’s oldest daughter just turned 11 and is already stealing $, begging for make-up, crushing hard on the boy down the street, and rolling up the waist bands on her skirts and shorts to make them shorter. I have a 5 yr. old son and I’m 31 wks pregnant with a girl…. I am going to smother her with so many dolls until she’s 12 yrs. old!! And then it will be a couple of more years till she even dares put a dash of make-up on her face! :)

Johanna 3 years ago

Your daughter wants to shop at Justice? So lucky!! Mine is in love with Forever 21 aka kinda hoochy and ‘Mom, it’s supposed to be OFF the shoulder!’

nikonmom 3 years ago

OK, how about the little girl down the street that introduced your not-yet-in-kindergartener to kissing on the mouth? She practically attacked him anytime she thought I wasn’t looking after that, and the poor kid practically broke his back trying to lean away from her! Or then brought over the GLITTER gun her mean spirited grandmother bought her (must have been mad at the parents). It blows air and GLITTER ALL OVER EVERYTHING. I’ve washed my son’s blankets at least 100 times since she was over last summer…still occasionally spot more glitter.

Suzi :) 3 years ago

My daughter is the one who poops in your bathroom. Its like its programed into her butt. As soon as she gets to someones house she goes straight for the toilet. LOL

Tim 3 years ago

Other people’s kids are NEVER as smart, sweet, cute, talented, friendly, polite, well-mannered, likeable, or respectful as their crazy parents think they are. Sometimes they are bearable. Often they are not.

Someones Mom 3 years ago

Luv these ;-). I’m sure my kids have hit at least 10 or more on the list. And more….But I don’t do OPKs because I was raised that if I did any of the above, my mother knew from another mother what was done and by who[m?] it was done, the time, place, and all attendees! She knew too many moms all over town! I was somewhat less known and knew fewer, but usually was very aware of what OPKs were doing when w/mine (at least in my home) and if I didn’t like, THEY WERE INVITED TO LEAVE and I explained to my own what was and what wasn’t allowed in my presence. Out of sight…out of mind otherwise…except for dangerous or really wrong stuff. Worked for me. And my kids got over it usually. They knew what was/was not allowed right from the get go. I thought! Oh well, they are gentlemen now and I am proud of both, even with all their faults! Funny list and oh soooooo true.

joanne 3 years ago

I also ran across this by accident but I am so glad I did. My kids are 26 and 23, and I’m a Gramma of a I don’t even want to know what my kids were like at other peoples houses2 year old. This made me laugh out loud. Too many take themselves way too seriously, thinking they’re doing everything the only right way and they are perfect. What’s funny is I know how it’s gonna turn out, and how wrong they are about themselves and their perfect little families..nobody is perfect, especially kids because they’re KIDS..I don’t even want to know what mine were like way back when,though I was worried about it then.Wish there had been blogs and whatnot around then, I would have loved that.
Enjoy

kris 3 years ago

8, 13, 17 and 43.. plus many more i am sure.. annoying beyond words.

Sheri 3 years ago

LOL. I saw this post by accident. My one and only kid is now 24 years old, but I still had a good laugh. Funny stuff and oh, so true!

Nikki 3 years ago

Since their parents teach them to play with boys instead of dolls!!!
Keep your little girl, a little girl!!! Not a little tramp!!!

Callie 3 years ago

I have worked at day cares, I have worked at hospitals and I have kids of my own. I have never EVER thought that all kids are horrible. I have had a few “bratty kids” over, you know, the ones that won’t listen to their parents and such, but the rest of it is just kids stuff and I don’t look down on other people’s children because of it. I enjoy having other peoples kids over because I am able to take the good from them and maybe learn something that I could use later or that I could always teach my kids. Instead of looking at all the negatives that come with other people’s kids OR your own kids: look at the positives. I’m a very sarcastic person in nature and not generally high strung, but I really find it repulsive to put an article up that points out every little thing that one mom found wrong with some other person’s child. I’m sorry, but to those of you who have kids that have thrown up in the back of a car, maybe you should consider that if they don’t want your help cleaning it’s because they either deal with it at work OR they just have a stomach for being able to clean it up. I can’t tell you how many times I have been thrown up on or had something of mine thrown up on by someone else’s child and I cleaned it up just fine and didn’t resent the child or the parent because of it. Kids get sick and they drive EVERYONE crazy, that’s the beauty of being a kid and being around them. What I am trying to say is that not every mother hates other people’s children for the above list.

Mommyrant 3 years ago

I used to think that once I’d had children of my own I’d learn to like other people’s kids.
Ten years and four kids-of-my-own later, other’s people kids still freak me out.

Observacious 3 years ago

#50 is the key one.

My kids are younger, so at this point my main problem is that other people’s kids are how my kids learn about the annoying tv shows and expensive toys that I have tried to hide from them.

BuBBa 3 years ago

43. Their poop smells horrible.

Maybe don’t go sniffing it.

deb 3 years ago

I could add another. They mess up your remote controls, then it takes an hour to get it programmed again.

Tammy 3 years ago

Don’t worry to much. I have 2 that have hit the teen years and it is no where as bad as people make it out to be! Of coarse that may be because we homeschooled and were also choosy about who we hung out with. :)

Ellie’s Mammy 3 years ago

My kid does most of those things to me….I’m assured she’s an Angel in other people’s houses…typical!

Jen 3 years ago

YES!!! Huge pet peeve of mine. Return the favor!

Star Traci 3 years ago

It’s so true, isn’t it? Because at the end of the day, #50 is the truest. We see everything through the rose-colored (hormone-laden) vision of Mommy-hood. And then our kids go to other homes and become Other People’s Kids.
:-)
Traci

Myndee 3 years ago

Ha! Ever since I had kids of my own, I like other people’s kids less and less.

Rodey 3 years ago

HAHAHA! So true! Except for nieces and nephews, which are like your own kids, only better, because at some point THEY GO HOME.

Andrea 3 years ago

Snort. So many of these sound like my kid, and so many sound like other kids. It’s just a lose-lose isn’t it?

Fifi834 3 years ago

#51. They call your 4 year-old a “baby” because (s)he still takes a nap. So long, 2 hours of peace and quiet every afternoon.

Gabbie 3 years ago

Am so not fond of other people’s kids but I’m not that into my own kids either LOL

When OPK are at my house I stand outside the bathroom door to remind them to flush and wash their hands….. Yuck it’s bad enough I’m exposed to my own kids peeped germs but some random kid…. No effin way!

Karen 3 years ago

Hilarious! I’m not down with OPK either. Yeah, you know me…
My oldest is now in middle school, and I’m imagining a list of attributes for these kids …

Julie 3 years ago

You must be new here. Or you got lost on your way to someplace else. I’m voting for lost.

Leah 3 years ago

Years ago, My neighbor ran a “daycare”, but forgot to tell me and the moms that I would be running it. All the kids were playing in my yard, including an unsupervised 2 year old. I asked a kid where my neighbor was and she said she got in the car and left. I didn’t want any of them to get hurt, especially in my yard, so I stayed outside to watch them. The parents came to pick them up before she returned and were not happy to find a stranger watching their kids. When they asked what was going on, I just shrugged and told them she left. That was the end of the daycare. She also had a 3 year old of her own that she regularly dumped on me. I was an unpaid, reluctant babysitter. It’s even worse when you are taken advantage of.

Jill 3 years ago

That’s what I’m talking about!!!

Leah 3 years ago

Come on, Janice! How did you take this so seriously? The reason I read these posts is because I know I’m not perfect, as well as my kids, and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. And if you say you have never had any of these thoughts or the thought that your kid is better than others, you’re LYING!!!!! How could you not take this as sarcasm? Maybe you need to relax, take some quiet time, get the stick out of your ass, get laid. Might do you some good!

Jo 3 years ago

The best part about your comment, Janice, are the responses to your response.

Kristen Mae 3 years ago

YES YES YES YES!! And re: No. 13 – If my kids are going in someone else’s house, I tell the mom to not let them leave until they’ve helped clean up. And if a kid is coming to our house, the first thing I tell them is that whatever they take out they will have to put away before they leave.

Maybe that makes me uncool, but I really don’t give a shit; I’m not cleaning up after other people’s kids – I have enough to clean between my own two, my husband, and the dog! =)

June O’Hara 3 years ago

I don’t have children at all. Should I feel that all kids suck? If I do, should I post it here?

Just askin.’

lesa 3 years ago

I like kids, mostly, sometimes…well, it is a case by case basis. However, most of the items listed make me secretly love homeschooling that much more. My kids still get plenty of social interactions, but it is with kids from the playgroups or co-ops that I like and not the crappy neighborhood kids that steal stuff from our house, damage my basement ceiling, bully my son, lock my daughter in the shed in the summer time, or use language I don’t even use. My kids are in no way perfect, but I do get to bypass a lot of the things I don’t like by getting to be a little selective for now. I am so not looking forward to teenage years though!

Arnebya 3 years ago

#43? The horrible smelling poop? It’s made worse when those little angels miss the toilet HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN and it winds up “other places.” Hi, Carol? Yeah, your kid can’t come back to my house until you come clean my goddamn bathroom and WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN FEEDING HER?

Lisa 3 years ago

My daughter crapped her undies today, and then yelled at me and said why you poop in my undies mom!!!! My kids are perfect!!!! ;-/

Helen 3 years ago

It must be nice to be a Stepford Mom, Janice. I for one, know my perfect little angel is far from it. That’s why Happy Hour exists, right Jill?

zinkemom 3 years ago

This. My twins are in 3rd grade. I don’t even want to take a guess at how many probably got cell phones for Christmas. :( Mine didn’t.

MILF Runner 3 years ago

Rose-colored glasses? Give me a fucking blindfold.

*covering ears and singing* la-la-la-la-la-la-la…

Rebeccah 3 years ago

It’s so funny what you get used to with yours. My friend’s son slept over and woke up in the middle of the night puking/diarrhea. He went home at 4AM as I was choking back my own puke. One of mine threw up in my friend’s car and while she’s dry heaving, I’m all, what’s the big deal? HA!

Rebeccah 3 years ago

Oh that one is a deal breaker. My daughter’s so called bff went around telling everyone that “she never liked her anyway” and I’m pretty sure I was foaming at the mouth. I’ve barely even looked at her since!

Kristen Mae 3 years ago

OMG!!! If my kid barfed in someone else’s car and they insisted they didn’t need my help to clean it up, I think I would sooner clock them over the head with a frying pan and clamber over their limp body to do it myself than allow them to do it without my help! Oh please God don’t let that ever happen to me…

Jacqueline Cooley 3 years ago

Wow, Janice, you really told her, huh?

Zippo 3 years ago

I think part of the funny is that everyone’s kids are “someone else’s kids.” When Jill’s kids go to someone else’s house, they are someone else’s kids, to that mom. So really, ALL kids suck.

heather 3 years ago

I love this list!! We do not do whining in our house! My daughter, 3, and I were out with my friend and her daughters,5 and 3. Her 3 year old started whining when mine replied, in the most monotone voice, “Nobody cares.” Thankfully my friend is cool but apparently my kid doesn’t like whining either! Success!

Erin 3 years ago

My nearly 11 year old daughter just had a ‘friend’ over and when said ‘friend’ arrived she had a face full of make-up. Now I will be the evil one when I won’t let my baby look like she belongs on a street corner… :(

Mrs. Jen B 3 years ago

I will never ever forget the night my brother’s friend came over (they were probably 7 or 8 at the time), used our bathroom and immediately left the house. Soon after I noticed a horrible smell upstairs. Not only had he had explosive diarrhea all over our bathroom, he tracked it out into the hallway. My poor mom…she said she was afraid to look up in case he got it on the ceiling.

occumommy 3 years ago

yeah, other people’s kids suck……but then of course at some point in time my kids turn into those kids….oh well.

Jayzandra 3 years ago

You would sure as hell dislike my roudy bunch of brats, just as much as I would dislike yours. Other people’s kids are being raised by other people with different morals, values, and beliefs, making them easy to dislike. :)

Heather @ Kraus House Mom 3 years ago

I tell my kids to try as hard as they can not to poop anywhere but home. The smell they leave in my bathroom is enough to peel paint and I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself with their stench.

Stef 3 years ago

Janice…chill out! Take a Xanax, Prozac or have a glass of wine and re-read the post. It’s sarcastic humor….I actually feel bad that you’re wound so tight that you ” didn’t get it”

Laura Kipp 3 years ago

Janice, as my dad would say….lighten up! You are missing the intention of this site completely. She is not saying what you said at all. There are no “rose colored glasses” here; that is completely unrealistic!!!! The list is called “reality” along with some good old fashioned humor. There are things on that list that EVERYONE’S kids have done at least once and will do in the future. It’s what kids do & it’s life.

Kat 3 years ago

Janice, are you missing the sarcasm gene? What about your “funny bone”? The whole point of this site is to commiserate with one another and realize that none of us is perfect and neither are our children. We are just regular people doing our best and facing both our wins and our losses with humour and love for our families and for each other. If you can understand this and can find a way to enjoy the ride, please stick around; if you can’t see the humour in everyday life, please don’t let the door smack you in the butt on your way out.

Regina 3 years ago

You are so right on this. I must add that I dislike the neighbor boy as he keeps saying hi over and over and repeats himself -all- the time, his parents don’t watch him.

Then the neighbor girl shows up unannounced and asks to play, teaches my daughter inappropriate things. And little miss annoying also thinks she can roam on other peoples property whenever she wants. She was an oops baby and I’m about to tell her.

Let’s hope the families move away.

Laura Kipp 3 years ago

Yea, my 8 year old heard about that nightmare in SUNDAY SCHOOL class because one of the other kids brought it up. Nice!!!! We hadn’t told our kids about it yet and wanted to do it our OWN way. Ugh….now we are dealing with anxiety, clinginess and all the security/safety changes they are making at school. Wonderful..

MarySunshine 3 years ago

You handled that a lot nicer and waaaay less snarky then I would have.

I would have said something like, “Come back and talk to us when your period is over and you’ve pulled your sense of humor out of your ass.”

:-)

old mommy 3 years ago

hahaha..Funniest shit I’ve read all day! Kids can be assholes! But you still love them!

tophersmama 3 years ago

Really???????? You’re a moron.

Michele 3 years ago

What perfect timing! My husband spent all day yesterday chasing around some strangers kid while on a group tour. We really enjoyed the ferry ride back and forth where the child ran around the boat in the VERY choppy ocean and occasionally pretended to push our kid overboard; all the while saying “I don’t have to do what you say because you’re not my parents”. Usually we end up bemoaning our OWN child’s behavior on family outings, so I guess that was a nice break. Yup, other people’s kids suck.

Maggie 3 years ago

Um, Janice, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You don’t belong on this site. We’re all here to get a good laugh and we all know our kids have done one (or many) of these things. Even Jill knows it. This is not the site to find tips on how to be a Donna Reed type mother. This is a site to reassure each other that we are normal and not horrible parents. Perhaps you missed that. If you can’t hear the sarcasm and irony in this (or any other post on this site), then you are in the wrong place. I’m sure we’d all love for you to stay and enjoy the site, but if you can’t enjoy it the way it was intended to be enjoyed, feel free to not come back.

Kim 3 years ago

Well at least mine have not done 23 or 49 …….yet !

Angie Murphy 3 years ago

While I like this list (and can say ‘been there, seen that’) I know that it’s meant to blow off steam and poke fun at parenting… I think it’s funny that SOMEBODY ELSE is saying these things about MY kid. LOL! Thanks for posting this – sometimes all you can do is laugh. :) Keep up the good work!

Jessica 3 years ago

I am not down with OPK!

jenn 3 years ago

Butt-hurt Janice obliged you a couple of commenters below…

jenn 3 years ago

I took my 11-month-old to visit a friend’s new baby a while back and the VERY next day my guy got croup. I apologized all over myself and prayed my friend’s baby wouldn’t get sick (she didn’t). But man, did i feel guilty.

phoenixjenny 3 years ago

Lice. Yep, we’ve a family of “friends” who bring these charming visitors every time we see then. ARGHHHHHHHH!

Janice 3 years ago

So, your children are God’s gifts and the rest are scum? You are setting your children up for failure by putting them on a pedestal like that, you know. I’m sure your children are pretty far from perfect themselves and you’d be well served to take off the rose colored glasses.

Mamarific 3 years ago

Ha, ha, thanks for stating what we are all thinking!

Nicole 3 years ago

This is perfect right now. I’m SO ticked at a 4 year old girl in my daughter’s class for telling her about “the bad guy who killed all the kids in the class and then all the teachers…” so that now we’re dealing with nightmares & other fears.

So thank you for confirming that yes, other people’s kids suck.

Kerri @ Elbows Deep in Someone Elses’s Sh*t 3 years ago

I just KNOW my kids are going to educate all their friends once they start school. That’s when they’ll learn that the stuff spewing from my mouth daily is actually foul language and not just creative punctuation. Oh well….

Jillian K 3 years ago

You slapped the shit out of her right?

Jill 3 years ago

I was really hoping for more whining and butt-hurt in the comments, because I’m just in that knd of mood today, but your commenters are so civilized and they actually have sense of humor!! I guess you could write another post called “Reasons Other People’s Readers Suck”!

I do not do well with other people’s kids. Like, at all. This is why I have lived in this town for four years and can count on one hand the number of families I actually want to hang out with. Sigh… Why can’t everyone be perfect, like us?

Jacki McHale 3 years ago

#29. DAMN IT.
We just set up my son’s 8 LEGO Monster Fighters sets in the play room. I am NOT allowing ANY kids besides my own NEAR their play room.
They can do a puzzle, or read a book… or come over when it’s summer and play OUTSIDE.

Mommy23 3 years ago

#6 – for real!

#24 – my daughter is constantly being called immature. since when don’t 10 year old play with dolls…..

Murphy must have had kids 3 years ago

#43 is so true! But why?

Sheila 3 years ago

OK, #33 just happened in my house. My daughter cried for almost an hour. The disappointed beyond belief cry. It was heartbreaking. Ugh.

Olivia 3 years ago

Don’t forget those ones that mouth off “well you’re not my friend anymore” five minutes after they’ve been dropped off. I silently scream at them “good she doesn’t want to be your friend! go home” ugh!

Tia 3 years ago

Ok, I had just walked away from this post trying to think of something to reply when I realized that I am one of those people who random people come up to and say, “your baby is so beautiful!”
And I’m not bragging about her being beautiful, because I seriously still wonder if people are just being nice (I live in the South, where people are this nice all the time, even right before they kill you…), or if they actually think so.
But this woman came up to me at the zoo yesterday and started talking about how pretty my baby was, and THEN she said, “Does she have your hair color? (We both had hats on.) I replied that it was a little lighter than mine. Which is when I realized…she meant, “She is sooo pretty and looks nothing like you.” And asked me how old she was, etc. When I told her 7 months, she said, “Oh that would be a perfect age to adopt!”
Stupid bitch….

Jen 3 years ago

I have moments when this list is so right on. Then I’ll hear one of my own “angels” responding to a friend in a way that makes me realize that it’s all perspective; next door my kids probably suck. I am still getting over my unhappiness about the necessity of Justice, however, and not looking forward to even more brand consciousness as we grow up.

TheHeadacheslayer 3 years ago

Ugh Erika feel better!!

Yeah we came home from my mom’s house (where we spent Xmas Eve/Xmas Day) and all 4 of us got sick. So instead of the lovely 2 week vacation I’d been dreaming of, we’ve all been sick in bed 😛 The kids were finally well enough to go ice skating and go to the movies but I’m pissed. My mom is “blaming” me and my house for all of us being sick–ever heard of INCUBATION PERIODS??? The kids were at her house 2 days prior with my nephew and other little kids.

TheHeadacheslayer 3 years ago

Ok, I lol at these except…..really? You’re going to hate on a kid for getting straight A’s?

My daughter made straight A’s all the way through 10th grade. We’ve taught her to always do her best and never dumb herself down for anyone.

By comparison, my son has only recently started to overcome his difficulties with school (he went from nearly failing 4th grade to all A’s and B’s at the midterm). I don’t dislike other kids for doing better than mine. And we’ve told him he only has to do HIS best. Not his sisters’, not his best friends….HIS best.

And there’s nothing wrong with sending the other kind of kids home 😉 Just be glad you didn’t have the kid who brought over a lighter to try to teach my son to be a pyro!! (He is SO fucking banned from our yard).

tracy@sellabitmum 3 years ago

My kids? Never. 😉 xo

Courtney 3 years ago

Err… I meant 46.

Courtney 3 years ago

#43!! Twice!!

Stacy B. 3 years ago

How about the kid that brags constantly about his/her straight “A” report card when they know my kid works her butt off to just pass! Shut up already!!

Jessica @ Moxie and Mischief 3 years ago

Ha! Love, love, love this list!

SCB 3 years ago

They blab confidential and embarrassing information about my kid that was told to their mother in confidence to other kids. (It’s unknown how she found out the information, but I know who now gets the expedited version.)

Erin I’m Gonna Kill Him 3 years ago

You said lice. And now I itch.

Kate 3 years ago

They constantly tell your child… you could be so much cooler if…

Mary 3 years ago

#51 They sleep over at your house and their parents never return the favor. This bugs me! We all need a break….

Manda 3 years ago

So my son is only 2 so I’m reading this list and thinking “Omg,thats what my friends parents thought of me!!” LOL

Mom22Tweens 3 years ago

They get iPhone 5’s and/or trips to Disneyworld for Christmas and brag about them incessantly as soon as they go back to school.

Erika 3 years ago

#1 happened to us right as Christmas break started – only it was strep throat and croup at the same time. Kids go back to school tomorrow and they’re finally better – now I’m getting sick!

Alison 3 years ago

Oh dear god, I think my boys may be those kids who get other kids into trouble. And I’m going to be THAT mortified mother, spending the rest of my life apologizing to other parents.

(I am trying to model good behavior, promise. *slurps more coffee* *runs off to grab chalk out of the baby’s hands before he eats it*)

realtormom 3 years ago

They say things like, “when I’m with my best friend, I’m going to do…” When they are talking to my kid during a playdate…

Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) 3 years ago

Awesome list, Jill. Regarding #15, however, I think I’d be more worried that another kid sang quieter than my kid. Yeah, I passed on my lack-of-singing-voice to my kids. Sigh.

Ellen 3 years ago

No one mentioned how true #4 is. Not only do they tell your kids that coats, hats, and mittens aren’t cool, by sixth grade they compound it by telling your kids that bike helmets and LONG PANTS aren’t cool. Sigh.

MarySunshine 3 years ago

I know my kid will the friend with the stinky poo. I often wonder f something has crawled up there and died.

Mom Off Meth 3 years ago

I’m raising some #3’s. Sorry. I work on it.

Wait until Justice turns into Holister and there is a teenage boy in a bathing suit greeting you at the door. You have to “keep your eyes up here” or you are a perv. You will be a perv however you walk by. It’s horrible.

I am very choosy about the friends that come around. I find many other people’s kids annoying. We keep it real around here.

Miaja 3 years ago

My daughter caught Whooping Cough from one of “those” kids!

anna see 3 years ago

Amen! This list is perfect. How ’bout they play with their privates an then play with your keyboard?

Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog 3 years ago

Oh man.. I’m such a barf-a-phobe, but I too would have felt bad if it was my child!

Karen 3 years ago

13. 13. 13. 13. 13.

At least OFFER, you heathens.

Jacquie 3 years ago

My 7 yr old was taught about lesbians by a friend then asked every female for weeks after if they were one including our neighbour who was the following conversation was a little awkward. As a toddler she taught my post natal group friends the bugger song, just the word bugger to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star voice of an angel.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Lily totally barfed in someone else’s car after a birthday party camp/trampoline party last year. I was out of town and COMPLETELY mortified when Jeff told me that the mom refused his help to clean it and he didn’t fight her. If I could have, I would have bought her a new minivan.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

Me, too. Or at school, when they’re just one kid in a sea of other people’s kids.

Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog 3 years ago

We are just getting to the age of “friends” and starting to see these things, and it’s SOOO frustrating! Let me just say if anyone else’s kid throws up in my car, they’ll either have to clean it up themselves or their parent is going to have to come do it – ahhh barf gross!

Nicole 3 years ago

I always feel so bad…. I don’t like other people’s children very much. I mean, I can recognize a nice or cute kid when I see one, and I can appreciate that child for what makes them special. But I’m not just dying to spend some quality time with someone else’s child. The weirdest part, though, is that despite all this, other people’s kids seem to like me. I just don’t get it. I probably never will.

Kim 3 years ago

As do I.

Kim 3 years ago

I think that’s the point. :)

Loved this!!!

tracie 3 years ago

I think all of our kids are at least one

MILF Runner 3 years ago

What a bunch of little fuckers. *sigh* This is partly why I am not the fun, playdate mom. And partly why I had a few kids of my own. Sadly, neither plan has really panned out as I had hoped. Still find myself besieged by annoying little grubbers that are not my own :(

Jenny 3 years ago

And I have to say that I often think about the fact that other people’s kids suck whenever I drop my kids off for play dates…when THEY become the other kids. :/

Jenny 3 years ago

My son is only 3 months (today in fact! :) Can I keep him away from all non-family kids? I am not looking forward to the friend wars. :(

Jenny 3 years ago

I was smiling until I got to #34, where I recognized my own child as one of the “other people’s kids.” (Then I was laughing.) And #43! Yes! I have more than once found myself wondering as I flip on the bathroom fan 5 minutes post-child-exodus, “What on earth does this kid’s family EAT?” One of my daughter’s friends teaches her every little dirty playground song that ever was made — they all include “butt” or words that rhyme with bad words, which almost but never come to fruition in the next line. She also tried to tell her this week that “fairies” are “devils from H-E-double-hockey-sticks.” Yeah, they really do suck.

My Half Assed Life 3 years ago

I’ve never been a fan of other peoples kids. Except for lately I’ve become a fan of step-kids. Being a step-mom is like being the super cool Aunt. And yes, other people’s kids have way stinkier poo.

Mama Melch 3 years ago

Has my kid been at your house? 3, 7, 13, 32, 34, 43…these certainly sound like our Annika.