20 Things On My Parental Bucket List

by Alyson Herzig
Originally Published: 

I’ve heard a lot about the proverbial bucket list in the last few years, and I got to thinking, if I did have one what would be on my Parental Bucket? I’m not talking the obvious shit like growing up to be successful, or general life skills like buttoning pants. I’m talking more subtle — but just as important — things I would love my children to achieve before they fly the coop… assuming they ever do.

1. Dress themselves… without looking like they did.

2. Remember their backpack and lunch when leaving for school.

3. Not use their clothing as napkins.

4. Wipe properly after using the bathroom.

5. Play together without my intervention.

6. Take a shower and actually get ALL of the shampoo and conditioner out of their hair.

7. Leave school at the end of the day with everything I sent them to school with just eight hours earlier.

8. Do their homework with no assistance or constant reminders to do their homework.

9. Put all of their snow gear away when they walk in from outside – and not on the floor.

10. Learn to lift the toilet seat.

11. Clean their rooms before I implode.

12. Respond with something other than “Fine” or “It sucks” when asked how school was.

13. Go to bed and actually stay in bed all night long.

14. Brush their teeth two times a day without being told to or throwing a fit.

15. Not track dirt through the whole house when they come in to use bathroom.

16. Put laundry in the basket when it’s dirty, or even better – put the clothes in the laundry room.

17. Not utter “I’m bored.”

18. Not throw their tissues or socks on the floor.

19. Put their laundry away without being asked, and not all in the same drawer or under their bed.

20. Wash and put away the dishes, at this point I would even settle for dishes in the sin. If I’m being really greedy maybe even the dishwasher.

I think it’s safe to say this list is full of wishful thinking. But if someone can put on their bucket list that they want to visit the Seven Wonders of the World, surely I can dream that a child might put the cap back on the goddamn toothpaste, right?

Related post: 10 Things I Said My Children Would Never Do

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