Parenting: It Doesn’t Get Better

I read a post today that was directed towards new moms in the midst of sleepless nights and incessant diaper changing and sore nipples. In an effort to comfort these struggling moms, author Devon Corneal wrote that “Things will get easier. Things will get better… You just have to get through the first year.”

All the power to Devon; clearly she’s a glass half full kind of girl. My glass, however, is always half empty. And, full of backwash from my disgusting children.

It’s true: You won’t always be walking through life in a complete haze or sterilizing baby bottles for the rest of your life, but in my brief experience, parenting doesn’t get any easier. I look back on those days of schlepping around an infant carrier and complaining about spit-ups as the easiest I’ll ever have it. I’m sorry, new moms. Truly.

Your child will eventually sleep through the night. This may be true, but you will never get a full night’s sleep again. I’m constantly awoken by bad dreams and wet beds and dread the day I’ll inevitably stay awake waiting for my teenager to waltz through the door three seconds before curfew. Sleep will never be the same again.

You will not have to do three loads of laundry a day forever. Oh, how I wish this were the case for me. Sure, you won’t need to wash out baby puke and clean up after explosive diarrhea which seeped out of the diaper, but your kid will suddenly stink up his or her clothes. They’ll change 16 times a day. And trip on the grass. And play sports. And eat like a pig. The laundry doesn’t stop, and the clothes get a hell of a lot less cute to fold.

You’ll get rid of the infant seat altogether. How I celebrated that beautiful day… Until I attempted to transfer a sleeping toddler inside without keeping her in the same comfy position.

Your baby will stop staring vacantly at the ceiling and will smile at you. The smiles are indeed glories. But, then come the scowls and the frowns and the pouts. Vacancy is far preferable.

If you’re breastfeeding, you’ll be able to stop. … And your boobs will look like deflated tube socks.

You’ll learn what all the different cries mean. And, each and every one of them will cause you to go a little more insane.

The bags under your eyes and the poochy stomach will go away. They will? Clearly I’m doing something wrong.

Slowly but surely, the claustrophobic bubble of parenting that consumes you when your kids are infants will burst. And, once they start making friends of their own, you’ll wish for that bubble back.

So, no, I wouldn’t say that parenting gets easier. It gets different. It gets fun. It gets fulfilling. It gets amazing.

But, easier? In my dreams.

About the writer

@scarymommy

In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

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Keisha 8 months ago

Fantastic….

Jessica 9 months ago

You said it perfectly. It didn’t get easier, every stage is a new lesson for parents too. Unfortunately, since every child is different, no patent handbook will ever teach you the true ins and outs of being a good parent. And just because something worked for one child does not mean it will work for the other. Ah, the joys of doing something so hard and yet feeling absolutely fulfilled at the same time.

emily 1 year ago

Honestly, who needs this negative article- we should be supporting new mothers, not scaring them to death. I have two now – one 14 months and one 4 and you know what – IT DOES GET EASIER. I was riddled with anxiety when my kids came home from the hospital and I had to stay focused on one minute at a time or I would suffocate in feelings of claustrophobia and isolation.

Now my kids do sleep though the night. Sometime I wake up at 7:15am and think – I just slept the entire night! I can leave my kids with a baby sitter and not think twice about it. My husband and I go out all the time and have a blast! We even had my mom watch both kids and went to a wedding in California and Vermont – it was awesome.

You’ll stop having to watch them every second. You’ll get more comfortable in your own parenting skin. You’re going to be awesome!!!! This article is…I don’t even know why her point is.

Keep up the good work mama, you’re doing great!!

Being a parent is work 2 years ago

Your child isn’t 2 yet? Madam you are naive.

Sarah Wells 2 years ago

Dammit!

anon 2 years ago

If only I had read this before becoming pregnent.

Ellen 2 years ago

I have 8 month old twin girls and was just scouring the internet for reassurance that it does in fact get better (not easier, just better – there is a difference i think). Anyway, i found this. Ha.

I’ve read everyone of the responses and the common threads through the responses seem to be: teenagers are awful worrisome creatures. There is physical torment related to younger children and more mental anguish related to older ones. But, i think when new parents are asking if it gets ‘easier’ they are not talking about comparing babies to teenagers, we all know tweens/ teenagers are awful…we all were them at one point. I remember my teenage years and the horror i caused my parents vividly. When i think about this in relation to my own children i prefer to stick my head in the sand and not think about it, it is a while away.

At the moment i am suffering teething, frustration at not being able to walk, screaming through not being able to communicate, nappy changes and constant feeds of milk and solids. My girls do sleep though. I know they may stop sleeping before anyone breaks a sweat trying to burst my bubble! It is gruelling relentless physical toil and although i love my girls dearly it is not abundantly fulfilling, there are no funny comments, no trips to the zoo etc. I am housebound most of the time.

A lot of the posts and the original article suggest that parenting gets more fulfilling. Surely it is this that makes parenting better and consequently easier? The highs compensate for at least buffer against the lows. If they don’t i would question the decision that many of you have made to go on to have more children. I’m guessing that you are not all stupid or mad, but that parenting did in fact get better at some point so that you could imagine having another, sometime 3+ in some cases.

If you ask a new mom whether she wants another she will wither in front of you. As they get older clearly having another is not such a terrifying thought.

Outlook probably has a lot to do with it as well, if you are a glass half empty kinda person, then that is what you will get.

I’m going to choose to be a glass half full kind person. I’m going to have to or i won’t make it!

mammamia 2 years ago

That’s so f’cking true…
First i was afraid my son would roll and fell from our bed;
Later i was worried he would fell down and break some bone while jumping on a sofa;
Then i was afraid he’d get into an accident on his way home from the school;
Then it was a time to worry if he got drunk, drugged or beaten in some disco;
Now i’m scared he’ll kill himself or somebody else while riding his 200 horsepowers monster…

IT DOES NOT GET EASIER.

Jasbir @jasbeeray 2 years ago

So it’s goodbye sleep once kids are in! Agreed 100%. Clothes! So true. I am washing more now that when they were little.

Momof2 2 years ago

I had a very hard time after my first was born, and everyone thought that the most appropriate thing to tell a sleep depraved mommy full of hormones was “it only gets harder.” Who the hell says that!
So far they were wrong. I can sleep. I can teach my kids the repercussions of their actions. We can play and talk and tell stories. I love being a mommy. Everyone is different but it did get easier for me and I love it.

Mimi 2 years ago

So why did you have kids? Why does anyone have kids? Were they all accidents, and you just don’t believe in abortion? Or were you actually dumb enough to think that parenting would be fun and easy, and only now at this late hour do you realize that you royally suck at it? I read down these comments, and it sounds like most of you probably make your children absolutely miserable. Do you want to see a blog where your kids talk about how they really feel about you? I bet it’s not much better than how you really feel about them, which brings me back to my earlier question: why does anyone have kids?

tim lehman 2 years ago

It never ends dear I have a son and two daughters they eventually leave home get married and I now have four grandchildren that my children bring us on the weekends 2-2-1-& 5. I am now back to diapers bedwetting sleepless nights and revenge

Kat 2 years ago

I hope I’m not crossing the line or misunderstanding what you wrote, but when people tell me things like this, I’m always looking at them with a slightly puzzled look. When was the last time that things changed in your life without you making an effort to change them? I don’t think kids are an exception. I think all of the things above are possible…if you’re willing to put the effort in them and prioritize them (well, you know, there are some exceptions like sloppy boobs but even that can be fixed with an operation….I’m NOT condoning it just saying it can ya know?)

Lizzi 2 years ago

I agree. I think the author forgot that teaching her children to do laundry is one of the easiest things you can do in life…As someone posted above – you’re raising adults…

Lizzi 2 years ago

I’m w/you, Emma.

Lizzi 2 years ago

Why is it that when I was a child/teenager I could do my own laundry and put it away? Why did I never tell my mother I hated her? I think a lot of this is a discipline issue. I’m sorry, don’t mean to be rude, but I think you are part of the problem…

Lizzi 2 years ago

Andrea…wait – – please wait until you have children. You are still very young. You have plenty of time. Enjoy your youth…especially since you don’t sound remotely ready to have children at this time…

Lizzi 2 years ago

I’m a female, and I wasn’t thoughtless and mean as a 10 or 14 year old. My mother always says my brother, sister and I were easy kids to raise, and I think that is in large part because she was the boss. Not in a horrible, disciplinarian way, but in a way that made sense. Maybe you shouldn’t be driving everyone around and having 4 teenage girls sleeping over your house all the time…

With all due respect, it sounds like you need to figure out who is the parent in your household. Set some boundaries. Your children will be nicer as a result…

Lizzi 2 years ago

Thanks, An. I agree.

Lizzi 2 years ago

Emma, I couldn’t have put it better myself!!!

Of course things are terrible for the author who doesn’t know that teaching children how to do laundry and pick up after themselves is what helps them to develop, grow, and become independent…\

As I read the post, I kept wondering why the author has so many children…

Lizzi 2 years ago

Tell your husband you don’t want another, and stay firm. Our planet is already overpopulated.

Both parents should totally – and absolutely – want and be ready to have a child.

Lizzi 2 years ago

Thank you, Sheri. I agree! I think a lot of mothers forget what it’s like to wake up 3-4-5 times a night, every night, for months on end – – not knowing when you will finally be able to sleep again. It’s so much better to have an older child – – a fairly decent sleeper and someone you can communicate with…and someone that can do things independently.

I think the mother that wrote this post, and a lot of mothers that are commenting here, need to show their children how to help a little…Doing the laundry isn’t rocket science. As a child I always helped, and it was fine. I never look back on that as a bad thing, I am grateful I learned how to care for myself.

I too am only having 1 child. I feel that maybe more people should consider the benefits of that option. You can focus on the child, take great care of them, give them your full attention, and have more time for yourself so that you aren’t run ragged.

I’m not sure why society makes people feel like they have to have more than one child. My husband was a onesie and he is wonderful…If more people had less children our planet would be in better shape, as would society…We need to give our full attention to our children, and that’s a lot easier to do when you have less kids to run after. Also, giving your full attention means teaching your child to be independent…

As for the moms who can’t sleep when their teens go out…seriously, get some help. Relax. My parents slept like rocks when my siblings and I went out…You’re not going to change anything by staying up. Get some sleep. Enjoy your life. Stop complaining when you are the ones who’ve created your supposedly difficult situation.

Cheers!

Lizzi 2 years ago

OMG, just go to sleep. Lighten up about your teenagers…Jeez.

Lizzi 2 years ago

AMEN!

Lori 3 years ago

I am so with you. And your comment actually made me laugh audibly. :)

Hels 3 years ago

It’s people like you that I dispise, why write such utter cods wallop
Yes being a parent is hard, but the best way to cope is build a strong bond and routine with your little one and make the most of the time you have

Danielle 3 years ago

I feel like parenting is easier to do once you get more than 3-4 hours of sleep at night….my daughter definitely had a rough start. Sleep deprivation is like nothing else.

Anna 3 years ago

I once gave a co-worker a baby card with a retro pic of the mother looking down lovingly at her baby and the caption “The first 40 years of parenting are the hardest”.

Ironically it is less a joke and more a statement of fact…new parents just don’t know that at the time.

I gotta say though, my 3 year old has just gotten easier and easier as time’s gone on. She was an absolute shit of a baby and a dream toddler – people used to constantly comment on what a freakily well behaved toddler she was. She continues to be a delight through her 3’s, I just hope that she doesn’t flick back to devil child any time soon!

jessica 3 years ago

Let me jus say u ladies have saved my life. i have a 2 yr old son & a 10 month old son. i never imagined being a mom would be this hard. i was layin in bed just about to give up on reading parenting articles & advice…until i came across this sight. i guess sometimes all u need is to kno that ur not alone & to have a sense of humor…u guys are hilarious lol. im so happy to have found this site. I will sleep better tonight:-)

Heather 3 years ago

I think I would almost trade the yelling and the fighting that my 11 & 6 year old does, for some good old fashioned diapers and bottles! (I think that’s why I’ve been having baby fever.) I just keep telling myself that would just add another kid to the horrific audible assault on my ears everyday.

Marla 3 years ago

Don’t feel alone! All that baby crap is just replaced with new crap! I still have dark circles, haven’t slept well in 17 years now, (my oldest is 17) you just have new worries. The laundry NEVER ends, and your husband stops helping. People start looking at you like a goddamn food dispenser (What’s for dinner? Me: What do you want? Them: Food. Me: “Suggestion” Them: EWwwwww! sigh. No one ever told us this, and we were too young/naive to look at our own moms and see the exhaustion. THrrppppp!!!! No. It doesn’t get better. It gets….different. Sigh. But worth it. Hang in there!!!

Kari 3 years ago

I agree with what several others have mentioned…it may get easier physically, but when they are teenagers, it’s often very hard emotionally and mentally. I guess it’s both easier and harder, if that makes sense.

Christina 3 years ago

I, too, have a toddler and a newborn, and the newborn is far easier. Needs are simple – new diaper, milk, sleep. The toddler has demands.

Emma 3 years ago

Sorry, sweetheart, but I see no “mob of angry mothers,” whatever that moronic comment is supposed to mean. But you’re obviously one who believes in the herd mentality. Clearly I am at the wrong blog. I had hoped for intelligent discussion.

Kerrie McLoughlin 3 years ago

Emma, do you not see the mob of angry mothers churning around you for your judgmental comment? You’re at the wrong blog, honey. You want the cutesie one down the road.

Emma 3 years ago

If that’s your outlook, no wonder you hate every part of it.

Jessica 3 years ago

I still look back on the days of being able to do nothing but change, feed and soothe (and watch daytime tv) with my surviving triplets as the best time ever. At the time I thought it was so hard but seriously? I was SITTING STILL and watching whatever I wanted. That has never happened again.

kathy 3 years ago

I have four darlings, 19,16,14 &11. You sleep even less when they go to college.

Jes 3 years ago

Parenting definitely gets less physical than the early years, but not easier. The emotional stuff makes me long for the easy fixes of changing a diaper or rocking them to sleep.

Autumn 3 years ago

I would say easier only on thepoint that they can start doing more for themselves, but then again it gets more difficult because now you have to teach them the proper way to clean up after themselves and sometime you end up doing all over again when they are not looking. The kids get bigger, the clothes get bigger, the mess gets bigger. I for one just shut the door to my kids rooms so I dont have to think or look at the mess.

The Mommy 3 years ago

“Aw, shitsnacks” I gotta steal that!

aleisha 3 years ago

Oh yeah its a big lie that it gets easier! I love how each year has a tagline…terrible two’s, horrible three’s… well mine is just turning four and yes it is THE FUCKING FOURS!!

Staci C 3 years ago

I wouldn’t say it gets easier, just different. I have a 13 and 10 year old. Been done with diapers a long time, but I can be out car pooling on a Friday night until 11 for dances or movies. Have 4 girls sleeping in my house and spend a obnoxious amount of money on food in one week. Also, girls at this age are completely thoughtless and just plan mean…. I have a sign on the refrigerator in the garage saying keep out or ask, because the kids in the neighborhood just take juice and water whenever they are thirsty and hanging out with my kids. I have been to the ER with my son too many times to count on my fingers and he 10. I have too monitor the internet and email like a hawk. Then there is the homework and school projects. Easier no, different yes!

Kristen Mae 3 years ago

Holy God you people are scaring the living shit out of me…

Christine 3 years ago

OMG, you are so right! It does NOT get easier — personally I think it is harder as they get older. But always, it is fulfilling. I have a 17 year old, 13 year old and 5 year old (all girls!). The 5 year old is the easy one! The older ones . . . they are so much more complex than they used to be. They no longer have complete trust in everything I say and do . . .it’s the exact opposite (they may not say the words, but the looks they give me pretty much say “Mom, you have no clue”). And the teenage angst . . . yeesh! My oldest is the non-conformist. She doesn’t care about what is popular and following what all her peers are doing. This is a good thing, right? Not completely. It has made her an outcast among her peers and it has been heartbreaking at times trying to help her through it. My 13 year old is completely the opposite; she cares way too much what her peers say and do. She’s a redhead and has recently been treated to some verbal bullying from her “friends” about it (being a “ginger” and that gingers have no souls, etc., inspired by an episode of South Park) so now she’s convinced she has to change her hair color. WTF!? I told her not while she is living under my roof! And she’s only 13 . . . sigh. I almost wish they would always be 5 years old. At that age, their needs are so much more basic. Just love them, pay attention to them (play with them, listen when they talk), and they’re as happy as can be!

Kim 3 years ago

Easier….still waiting. My children are 24, 22, 19, 17. Who ever says it gets easier is clearly lying. As children get older you have to deal with failing classes, drinking, drugs, speeding, breaking the law and if anyone thinks they’re children won’t be like this think again. 99% of all teenagers push the limits. I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE TO HAVE MY BABIES BACK!!!

Melodie Harper 3 years ago

Your right on there! My oldest is 21 and youngest is 5, gulp*, what was I thinking? My stomach looks like a butt still and I dont think its going anywhere anytime soon! My 21 yr old was laid back and never got into trouble, its my 5 yr old thats going to be a run for my $ Im positive of t probably because I cant run far anymore! Damn the luck…hat!

Christina Rodriguez 3 years ago

My kids are 14, 12, and 9. When exactly was it supposed to get easier? When I’m dead?

Colleen Brown 3 years ago

Sorry to burst your bubble….Mine are 19, 16, 13, 11 & 10. ENJOY 6-10 years old, those are pretty good, this is when they learn to fend for themselves a bit. But by the time they are teenagers you will be so used to being up early in the morning, that you will be exhausted waiting up for them until midnight and furious that they won’t wake up when you try to get them up. They miraculously become nocturnal creatures when they reach middle school, and it doesn’t end until…well, I’ll let you know when I see that day!

Melodie Harper 3 years ago

Too funny, never thought of that, but worth a try indeed!

maria 3 years ago

My eight year-old also doesn’t sleep. She either needs to sleep with us (we let her every Friday night) or she tosses and turns and gets up to come to our room at all hours of the night.

Colleen Brown 3 years ago

The elementary school years are easier, but it does go downhill again. Yes, you will sleep through the night again, when they are married, definitely not before. You will stop sterilizing baby bottles and trade it in for sports equipment. You trade in car seats for cleaning up all the clothes and junk that are thrown all over the place (no diaper bags anymore) in the car. The laundry only gets worse, the clothes get MUCH bigger and take up way more space in the washing machine, not to mention they will NEVER be put away unless you do it yourself. If you think potty training, bathroom cleaning is bad, just wait until they are teenage girls, that’s an all day affair! What I wouldn’t give to hear ONLY crying again. They turn into teenagers that backtalk and you will be the worst mother in the world and hated at least once a day by one of them. The word unfair becomes standard in every other sentence out of their mouths. Oh and did I mention, it gets much more expensive the older they get!! My advice for new moms, enjoy the first year!!

andrea 3 years ago

I’m 22, married and trying for children. I think all of us grown children require more from our mother than we did as kids. Calling my mom at all hours of the day and night asking for her opinion or what she thinks I should do with real issues. I love my mom but looking at what she goes through it scares the hell out of me to have my own

SunrunnerGal 3 years ago

And all the churchgoers said, “Amen.” I sometimes cry (to myself of course) for the girl who cried when her son was “little.” Now…he’s 14-years-old, and the bags under the eyes are worse and the tummy pooch is..poochier. And he loves to tell me about it. Ha!

Andi 3 years ago

I always tell people: I can’t wait until it’s more mentally difficult than physical. My preschooler is mostly physically exhausting. My grade-schooler is more mentally exhausting. I prefer mentally. My body’s not getting any younger though, that’s for sure!

Jenna 3 years ago

Oh my! My 8 year old is the worst sleeper ever! She slept like a dream as an infant. I long for the day that I don’t wake up to her at the bottom of my bed – she quickly learned that she can sneak in there and mom and dad won’t know unless she kicks. Oh, and dad is notorious for just getting up and sleeping on the couch if she comes to our bed!

an 3 years ago

This is ridiculous. I know this person has a right to vent and feel how they want, but I don’t want everyone who reads this to think, “Aha! So they ARE all lying!”

It DOES get better.

I did not want kids, I do not like other people’s kids. But when it’s your own… it really is different.

It was hard at first, catering to this useless little thing. Spending the majority of your time feeding and changing diapers (and not sleeping). But it got easier!! He is now much more capable. He plays and sings and runs and interacts with us and others. Oh, and he goes much longer without needing to be fed or changed. He feeds himself now. He sleeps through the night, and takes naps too. When he is thirsty, he asks for water. He no longer cries until your figure out what the problem is! Oh, and he is not even two yet. So the time until relief arrives is short! He has his moments, but overall he is a joy. A light in my life I did not know I was missing. Yes, he is messy. Yes, he occasionally throws tantrums. Yes, he requires a lot of attention. But what he GIVES way outshines those things. Yes, it gets easier. And better and better. :)

Emma 3 years ago

Jesus Christ, this is one of the most negative articles on parenting I’ve ever read. You make it sound like one, long, hellish nightmare. If you hate parenting that much, why in God’s name did you go on to have two more children? Why not teach your children to do laundry or pick up after themselves? No wonder it hasn’t gotten easier for you. If your outlook is this negative, if your children are “disgusting,” then yes, I imagine nothing is easy for you.

Oh, right. You wanted a book deal. Happiness doesn’t sell.

Ema 3 years ago

Andrea, I had the same issue after giving birth! Go see a physical therapist who specializes in post-natal/incontinence issues…it really helped!

Sarah 3 years ago

Im so glad I found this blog and read your book. I was told this fallacy when I my daughter was a new born now almost 3 years ago. And you are right, it does NOT get easier. I now cautiously tell new moms (who are hanging onto that idea), “well, it doesn’t get easier, the challenges and problems just change.”

…and my daughter isn’t even 3 yet. And my husband wants another. Lord help me…

Sheri 3 years ago

My experience is that it gets much, much easier. It might be because I only have one child. Having a newborn was a hellish nightmare, which is why Rachel is an only child. I could never, ever imagine going through that again. As she got older, she got more fun and she became less work at every stage. Now she’s 5 and a half and she’s amazing. She amuses herself for hours playing with her toys or drawing on the computer, she gets herself dressed and puts her dishes in the kitchen when she’s done eating and cleans up a lot of her own messes, too. I suspect it will get harder again in some ways when she becomes a moody pre-teen, but ages 4 and 5 have been simply glorious.

Jenelle W. 3 years ago

You ladies should watch “Archer.” Highly inappropriate but OMG Funny! That’s where I first heard “shitsnacks.”

Marybel Rodriguez 3 years ago

I totally agree. Easier never, different definitely. I have five kids 14, 9, 3, & 1 yr old twins and they each are difficult and loving in their own way. And even though at times I wish I could send them away I love them and cant imagine my life without them.

Christy @ 2ModernMommies 3 years ago

You are so right! “Less crying, more screaming”

Ana Requierme 3 years ago

Agreed. It does not get easier, it becomes different. But OMG the nights of no sleep are something else though. The struggles of a mom with a newborn differ from the struggles of the same mom of a 5 year old.
Scary mommy, I love the humor by which you infuse into these observations. Well done.

Michele C. 3 years ago

Amen.

jen 3 years ago

It really does get easier eventually. You just didn’t ask how long you’d have to wait for it to happen, and it seemed cruel to tell you “thirty years” right off the bat.

pam bailey 3 years ago

I know what you mean! I live with my daughter, her BF, their 6 year old boy, his two teenage boys (13 & 15), and the BFs grandma (grandpa passed away last week) and the laundry never stops. Teenage boys are STINKY. Good lord, even after they shower I swear I can smell BOY. We laugh about it, nag a LOT. They have an amazing ability to look at us and not hear a word that comes out of our mouths. Selective hearing, eh? I wish we could invent disposable towels! Never ends, lol

pam bailey 3 years ago

I agree. I love being a grandma. I live with my daughter & her BF, their almost 6 year old, his two teenage sons, and whomever decides to come stay, and somedays I feel like packing a little sack and walking out the door, waving bye bye. The 6 year old is great, the teens, UGH. I’m looking to get my own place, and granted, I will miss the kids, but that’s the wonderful life of a granma. You can GO HOME. ha ha

Jenny G 3 years ago

I read that too and laughed my ass off. At 14 months old my kid just keeps getting harder. More amazing sure, but please. He’s never going to sleep. He slept more as a newborn. The laundry grows, he points and screams now, his father taught him to kick a ball the other day so now he kicks balls at the piano all day long…

Like I said, he’s amazing, but easier???

I have vivid memories of the child I was nanny to for eleven years…this ain’t gonna get easier.

pam bailey 3 years ago

Hey agree. The boy (now a young man of 15) is also brain damaged, legally blind (he CAN see really well close up) as his optic nerve was damaged, minimal cp (that fellow can RUN) many problems, but to me, as I tell people, he is one of the few people in this world that I have met that makes sense. He’s also a music savant, never forgets anything including noises, (tho he can’t remember his address) and he and I connected from day one. I thank God for the opportunity to have met and known him, I’ve learned more about life from Willie than anyone. I recently moved out of state and I miss him (I was his Personal Care Attendant for 7 years besides knowing from birth). He was born at 1 lb 4 ounces and is pure of heart.

kym 3 years ago

I’m 44 and had my third a few years ago. It looks like I have an ass attached to my stomach. Its hideous. There is no way to do enough crunches to get rid of this.

momX3 3 years ago

As a mother of a 16, 13, and 11 yo I’ve found that as soon as I think it is getting easier a bomb drops and everything changes.

Jenn Alex Brockman 3 years ago

I’d like to send my daughter to live with that author. She has autism and I still clean up messy pulups and she doesn’t sleep through the night, and her tantrums are actually physically dangerous for me because she’s nearly as big as I am at the tender age of 10.

Anastasia 3 years ago

Every word is true. I miss sleep so much.

Student Mom 3 years ago

Whahahahahaha.
hahahahahahaha.
It’s exhausting. I love my little 4 year-old, but some days I think, “Don’t you ever stop talking???”
It’s a reflection of me, I know… but seriously!

Not Supermom 3 years ago

And in cases like mine, the terrifying, never-seen-this-shit-before just waltzes in and takes over the place, and doesn’t.leave.ever.

I’m pretty sure I’m completely clueless EVERY DAMN DAY.

Pass the rum.

Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom 3 years ago

Totally does NOT get easier. Different and harder in that there is much less control.

Spiritedmama1 3 years ago

I agree. It doesn’t get easier. I now realise that someday I too will have to wait for my son to come home at whatever hour. (I can’t believe we did this to our parents) About 3 weeks ago, OI noticed the sudden influx of grey hair on my head. Don’t get me wrong I like, almost love my grey, but how did it happen so quickly. Literally overnight. Parenting is hard. But I love my parenting job

Katrina 3 years ago

As the mom of nine, I totally agree with you! My most favorite ages are newborn to 3 years old. To narrow that down, age newborn to age 18 months is my most favorite of favorite ages. Babies are EASY. You aren’t running babies around to soccer games, Kung Fu lessons, play dates, birthday parties, sleepovers, school Monday – Friday, baseball practices and 3-hour games twice a week, boy scout and girl scout meetings, dentist and orthodontic appointments…. I mean, I could go on and on. And sleep? what IS that? I believe my last full, uninterrupted night of sleep back was on January 30, 1993…the eve of my first child’s birth. Seriously. I’m not even kidding. Since then I’ve been nursing on demand, changing midnight diapers, consoling children in the night after bad dreams, changing pee sheets, being waken up by a child standing next to my bed….freaky how they just stand there and stare until you notice them….and sometimes they say, “can I sleep in your bed?” and other times they say, “my tummy doesn’t feel so good –” and before you can jump out of the way, they vomit in your face. Nope, I don’t sleep. When one has a fever? I can’t sleep. I am constantly getting up in the night to check on the fever, to put a cool washcloth on their forehead, to worry. Even now…when my youngest is three year’s old and sleeping through the night, you’d think I’d sleep…but no. I wait until my 20 year old gets home from his evening out. I stay up to make sure the 16 year comes home before 11pm on a weekend. I don’t sleep. I can relate to your post a lot. It doesn’t get EASIER as they get older. It just changes. A lot. I really, really, really miss the baby years.

The Mommy Psychologist 3 years ago

It’s like brain surgery. Brain surgery is never easy. You just get a bit better and more skilled at it. But you never call it easy. And then one day you enter the operating room and are presented with something completely foreign that you’ve never done before. You’re left feeling completely clueless and terrified all over again.

“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.” http://www.themommypsychologist.com

bluecottonmemory 3 years ago

I miss the pure adoration, the slurpy kisses, pure hearts. Then 11 comes – and the blues move in, then rebellion slides in – and depending on the coachability of the child – it either requires a tweek – or the truly most challenging, heart-wrenching, faith-application where it is only faith that gets you and your teen through, where you learn to pray, “Show me how you see him, God” – it definitely doesn’t get easier – unless your raising robots!
Nobody ever says, “I want a teen.” It’s always, “I want a baby.”
I’m a glass half-full kind of girl – but good parenting is the hardest, least-paid gig in town!

Kat 3 years ago

Great post! Very truthful. I have a 5 year old and a 5 month old and some days ( ok most days) the older one is way more work!

Lollie – The Fortuitous Housewife 3 years ago

I knew I was in trouble when the ladies at the local liquor store greeted me & my boys by name.

Chiseling boogers…I share your pain. And I have the added pleasure of living in a toxic gas zone. I’m hoping for a gas mask for Mother’s Day.

Lollie – The Fortuitous Housewife 3 years ago

Dad2Be…the tone is called comic, and once your fully immersed in the parenting experience you’ll understand that the occasional bit of comic relief is a blessing, maybe even an outright necessity.

Shannon 3 years ago

I know the feeling and it makes me cry. I can’t bear the thought of my girls leaving home either. :(

Shannon 3 years ago

I have four girls and everything you said is absolutely right on!

Pam 3 years ago

Hahahaha! This is great… I have a six week old. Better to set the bar low and perhaps be pleasantly surprised than be totally disappointed. Thanks for setting us new moms straight:)

Mary 3 years ago

Amen! Amazing and hard and happy and lonely and humbling and more = parenting. So much to learn, so much to accept, so much to enjoy. And quite happy to hear my “tube socks” aren’t alone in this world!

Mary (ateachablemom) recently posted What a Shame!

Danielle 3 years ago

I just had my second baby last December. What makes a baby seem easy? A 3 year old!! OMG babies are sooo much easier! They don’t scream no, throw themselves on the floor at Target, and they want to eat what you are offering. Give me a baby over the horrendous 3’s anyday ;).

Lottie Lockwood 3 years ago

Boobs like deflated tube socks….still laughing….

So damn true…. all of it…. mine are now 12 & 14 and it’s fraught, fun & fantastic but easier? Easier my arse…

Sarah 3 years ago

My sister-in-law has a saying…”Little kids = little problems, big kids = bigger problems.” Both of mine are in the early elementary years which I’ve heard described as The Honeymoon Years” and even though it is not easy, I kind of believe it. The issues we might deal with when they are 13+ make a two year old’s meltdown seem minor (though I know it didn’t feel that way at the time.)

a Book for My Daughter 3 years ago

So incredibly true—brilliant. You have completely summed up my feelings over the “challenges” of being a parent to older children. When I look at a picture of my daughter as an infant, I always think that about what I would give to just hold my daughter as a newborn/infant once more.

Michelle 3 years ago

If only they can stay small. Physically it’s tough with a baby. When they turn into teenagers, you better be ready psychologically…there was a point where I thought my daughter was strategically trying to drive insane!
Thank goodnesss for College!!

firsttimemommy 3 years ago

LOL thanks for the solace Jill! I still can’t wait for the smiles. Darth Cuteness is my one and only so hopefully I can still get away with doing only one load of laundry a day… hopefully.

Bonnie Ferrell 3 years ago

Keeping it real lady! Love it:)

Jenny 3 years ago

Popped over from Shell’s and I have totally been missing out! You are right, parenting does not get easier. There are challenges at every age and the exhaustion is not as bad.

Roksi 3 years ago

Yeah…. I need total silence to fall asleep…

My husband snores and sleep talks. My baby snores, and sleep babbles. My 2 dogs… Yeah, they snore and sleep-bark-at-stuff.

I’m never going to get a decent nights sleep again, and I’m pretty sure I’m becoming delirious. Watching everyone, including a 4 month old, sleep peacefully whilst I go nuts is some weird cruel torture.

Laura 3 years ago

Yeah, statements about things eventually getting easier and better when you have kids are LIES! The only thing is that you beleive them until you get your own children and really get the chance to experience things like diapers, vomit, cheekyness, teenagers, etc. :)

Maegan 3 years ago

I dunno…It feels a bit easier to me. I go a week or two without being interrupted in my sleep by a kid! I’ve explained to them how to take care of a few little things…If you can’t sleep – stay in bed with a book or toy, eventually, you might fall asleep again. If the sun is up, but mom isn’t, then it’s not a school day – please go pee, brush your teeth, and eat cereal. At the very least, they’ve eaten the cereal (I make them eat healthy cereal during the week & save fruity pebbles or something sugary for weekends!). If mom still isn’t up – so what? Go play! My 8 yr old has a checklist so she can make her own lunch for the next school day. I am going to teach her to do her laundry soon, too! Even if she just washes a load of colored t-shirts…that’s one less load I have to do!

The little one is 4…but she follows big sis around like a puppy…so I never really have to worry about her. And big sis is too busy being bossy for them to really get in to much trouble. We don’t have a TV right now…but the older one knows how to turn on my lap top, plug it in, and hook up the external DVD player. All she has to do then, is wait for a play button! I know there will be times when it will not be this easy – but for now it is…and I am grateful!! :)

imperfectmomma 3 years ago

Cause really…this used to piss me off. People would say to me all the time, it gets easier. I would wait and wait, by the time Diva came; I gave up. When the heck does it get easier? I love my beautiful kids and enjoy my time with them- but it aint easy

The Mommy Psychologist 3 years ago

Parenting never got “easier” for me until I realized that it was never going to be easy. There was always going to be something. Motherhood is full of lies. Lies we tell ourselves and lies others tell us. This “getting easier” is a big one. So is the “time goes by so fast.” Not so in the first year. The first year was the slowest year of my life.

“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.”
http://www.themommypsychologist.com

mom taxi julie 3 years ago

With one soon to leave the next I say treasure the times, even though they really suck sometimes.

Mary 3 years ago

Oh so funny since it didn’t happen to me. Although my infant daughter (now 11) projectile vomited down my nightgown and it pooled in my underwear.

Mary 3 years ago

That is the funniest thing ever and so true!

Motherhood on the Rocks 3 years ago

I have to agree with you! Definitely not easier. Once they get mobile, you’ll also never sit again. And once they learn that your food is often tastier, you’ll never eat a whole meal again… oh the list goes on and on. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Phase Three of Life 3 years ago

Yes, yes, yes! And also, yes! I’m only 18 months deep, and already I can see this is all true.

sarah waldin 3 years ago

as usual – a million comments I dont have time to read but am sure I relate to and would agree to.
Another great post. you rock! thanks for being there. it helps a little bit every single day.
Sarah xx

Amy Bloom 3 years ago

Ok. But what does get better is our ability to handle it all, and our sense of humor? Right? Otherwise, I’m in trouble- we’re about to enter The Twos.

Kerrie McLoughlin 3 years ago

Deflated tube socks. Yep. That’s why I kept getting pregnant. I’m on #5 right now but am getting long in tooth AND boobs now, so I may just have to roll my boobs up into my bra like a windowshade and suck it up. Gets EASIER? Physically, maybe, but harder emotionally and in tons of other ways.

jen_schoeph 3 years ago

brilliant & spot on!

Sleeping Mom 3 years ago

I agree that just as one issue is done (Yay he slept through the night!), another thing pops up (He won’t stay in his toddler bed!). There’s a slew of things that I’ve had to deal with because of having a toddler that I never had to bother with when he was an infant. And I’m sure I can say the same once he’s older (Will he make friends at school? etc) that I don’t have to deal with now.

That said, I do still think that the newborn days are the worst, only because you have to get up so many times a night. Sleep deprivation seriously is no joke and I was not a happy mama until my kiddo was able to sleep through the night.

But yes, the never ending job of parenthood… maybe it gets better in some ways, and not so great in others.

Mommy’s Minions (@MommysMinions) 3 years ago

I have less of an issue of them staying out late vs. being early risers. At this time. I may well rue my words.

MangoChutney 3 years ago

We can only hope..can we?:)

MangoChutney 3 years ago

All that’s so true! at least when they were babies I had a schedule! I knew the times where I would sleep and I could kinda control the situation, but now…they control me..HELP!

MangoChutney 3 years ago

I concur! The older ones are more demanding. The youngest one just wants Dora;)

Meg 3 years ago

Never easier… it becomes more of a game of chess that either way win or lose, you still have to fork over cash.

Corey Feldman 3 years ago

Somethings get easier, others harder. The best things in life are rarely easy. As my kids have moved from infants to 3 and 5 year olds, somethings are easier others aren’t. There is much I miss, and much I would miss if I would remind time. My personal thought is, if parenting older kids is somehow easier, your doing it wrong.

Elaine 3 years ago

You are always so right. And I’m not just saying that. 😉

It totally changes as you go along, the challenges of it all just become different. And when they are all in different stages? It’s even more so. Just MORE! Potty training! About to start Kindergarten! Attitude/sleepovers/homework! Oh my…

karen 3 years ago

I actually found the baby stage much easier. Older kids are a lot of work. Plus the stains on their clothes are much harder to get out.

Regina 3 years ago

You got that right! It’s clearly no fantasy that life will get easier. They start to talk and tell you how they don’t like the food you gave them and refuse to eat.

Oh and tell you they hate you because you don’t let them get their way!

But when they are sleeping, I like to look on them and see how beautiful they are.

Jessica 3 years ago

Oh so true. Right now my “parenting” is harder than I can remember it begin in a long time. How I wish for the days of balancing two babies on my lap, trying to feed them both as I mindlessly had daytime tv on. Even though I slept about an hour per week, I had no idea how simple that life was.

Odd Dad 3 years ago

Spot on.

Odd Dad 3 years ago

I miss nap time.

TheCheekyKea 3 years ago

Not if I’m remembering being a teenager correctly.
sorry.

TheCheekyKea 3 years ago

My husband has a saying, “Whoever said the twos were terrible, obviously killed their kids before they got any older”.

Rachel 3 years ago

Best advice I ever received regarding parenting, “you are raising adults, not children.” it put a whole different spin on my role as a mother. I went from parenting children to equipping my sons to become men.

Dadtobe 3 years ago

Christina, i was refering to the writer of the blog not your comments. Not sure how you’ve discerned what i know about parenting from my comments. However, We is my wife and i. We’re expecting our first shortly and found reading this a downer rather than a postive article. Her penultimate sentence hardly makes up for her pointless nay-saying of Devon’s article in Huff post. We’re looking forward to our new experiences and challenges. We found your comments much nicer.

Mommy’s Minions (@MommysMinions) 3 years ago

I have 6-year old boy/girl twins. People ask me when they started sleeping through the night. I tell them, “I’ll let you know.” Lil’ Gal gets up and wanders about every two hours. If she doesn’t, there’s a good chance Lil’ Guy will have a nightmare.

People tell me, “Just wait until they’re teenagers.” I’m looking forward to it. Teenagers will let me sleep in on weekends… won’t they?

The Flying Chalupa 3 years ago

Now that my second one is 4 months old, I actually yearn for those first 3 portable months when he slept through everything (except at night of course).

And did you have to remind me about the deflated tube socks?

On that note, I’ve got to hit the sack in preparation for the midnight feeding. FUUUUUUUUCK…..

Sabrina 3 years ago

My 5 year old hit me square in the face with projectile vomit today. Yes, my mouth was open. I was traumatized to such a level that my brain shut down. I cleaned him up, wiped my face off, and got us both into the shower without any thought passing through my mind. That time period remains a void. There are just no words.

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms 3 years ago

You speak the truth. I wish for the protective bubble back every day. Ellen

Kiran@MasalaChica 3 years ago

I know that all of what you say is true, Jill, but I can’t help but feel like once my kids can wipe their own poop and I can have the full use of my two hands to do important things like you know, I dunno, blog about how I don’t have time for anything (yet somehow managing to squeeze blogging in, nonetheless), I will hear you more. Maybe it will be finally not feeling attached to my diaper bag when we go out?

I know you speak the truth, sister. But in all seriousness, I am ready. Bring it, my little peanuts.

And I am expecting one of them to pop up from bed right now to snap there fingers and say, “consider it brung.”

oh lordy, i need some sleep.

Kiran@MasalaChica 3 years ago

Alison – I didn’t realize it was just in a few weeks. That’s awesome – congratulations.

Corporate Wife 3 years ago

Of course it’s gotten easier. Just ask my local liquor store. And besides, I no longer wipe snotty noses. I just chisel boogers off the wall.

Christina 3 years ago

Why bother writing, then? Who’s “we ,” and are you both dads to be? You sound clueless about parenting, that’s for sure.

Dadtobe 3 years ago

So, we just read this and thought what a whiny b:tch. Is you’re whole blog and book this boring? Is there any reason why anyone would want to read more of this tone of writing? What’s it good for? How is it productive? How are you actually helping anyone? It’s not even witty or clever. Wish i hadn’t clicked. I’m sorry. Truly.

Scarlet 3 years ago

“smother themselves with a pillow” – love it!

Christina 3 years ago

My life is a three-ring circus, with three boys ages 12, 16, and 17. They’re involved in a million activities and yes, it’s a lot of time and work. But it’s really FUN – more fun for me than the early years of physical drudgery. So – easier? I think it depends on your perspective. I love being able to talk to them about anything and everything around the dinner table … and learn about internet memes and lots of other stuff I’d never know about otherwise. They keep me young. But yeah, there’s a TON of laundry!

tracy beraud 3 years ago

I read that article and I was like- oh my gosh she is so full of it!!! I have a one year old, a four year old and a six year old- each year its different. I have a four year old that still doesn’t sleep through the night- they always need something- I actually think that article is dangerous because it sets new parents up- for disappointment in that they think it will be all rosy after a year and this will lead to depression or something. Just suck it up and deal with it I say! It is worth it- but parenting is hard work!

Taryn 3 years ago

OMG. my house, too. My almost 9 month old is sleeping wonderfully. My almost 4 year old thinks bedtime = partytime!! I go to work in a caffeinated haze every.single.day.

tracy@sellabitmum 3 years ago

LOL. So very true. Also I do think things get better when they turn about 7 but I’m now worried about things turning back to shit when they turn 12.

Denise 3 years ago

As always, you and I seem to share many similar views on motherhood. =)

Phyllis 3 years ago

As always, Jill, you have hit that damn nail right on the head! It doesn’t get easier!!!!!!!!!!! It is worth it, most of the time, but, as the parent of a 16 year old and a 4 year old, I don’t know if I’m coming or going!

Bunny 3 years ago

But you will reap the pure joy. We live next door to 21 severely autistic boy, have for 16 years. Many trying times but lots of joy just watching him. You’re in many prayers.

Kate 3 years ago

Amen!!

Mumof6 3 years ago

Oh come on – could you possibly be any more negative, even with all humor aside? We sleep as much as we need – my kids range between 17 and 6 and yes some nights are disturbed by the kids – but some nights are disturbed by the husband too! Laundry – get the kids to help; physical changes – so you’re not a supermodel…were you beforehand? toddlers and tantrums…put them somewhere safe and go have a coffee/tea/glass of wine till they’ve calmed down. raising kids is only hard when you let them rule the roost!

Sweety Darlin 3 years ago

Yep it doesn’t get easier! I had kids way to early, and I am jealous of women who had kids at 30+ they had 10 years of being gloriously selfish! Even after mine go off to college, I can’t be selfish, I have kids!

Nope it doesn’t get easier, but it is the best freakin job I could ever want to have!

Donna May 3 years ago

and after the kids have left the house, you’ll go through menopause and STILL won’t be able to sleep! Waaaahhhhhhhhh!

Jen @ Mommy Tries 3 years ago

Oh my goodness–so true! Give me a stationary, squalling newborn over a mobile, whining toddler any day. And I know it’s just going to get worse…

Michelle Saunderson 3 years ago

I have 2 teens and I must say that I enjoy my kids dearly, but the teen years are WAY more difficult because the mistakes the kids make can be LIFE CHANGING! I must admit that I have great kids, but kids can be led down the wrong path and the next thing you know, the police show up to tell you that your kid is in trouble or worse. Bad grades in elementary school are no big deal, in high school however, it means your kid will not get into thier dream college. And expensive! You don’t even want to know how expensive teens can be, just to feed them is outrageous.

I will be having a big party when both my kids have graduated high school and neither one is married, has facial tatoos or piercings, any children of their own or a criminal record. Until then, I am holding my breath and praying a lot.

Sili 3 years ago

I love this. That is all! 😉

Katie 3 years ago

So that’s why my mom was all about babysitting when my daughter was an infant, and now, my daughter’s two, my mom is like “no, I’m totally cool thanks”

Loukia 3 years ago

The first year was the damn easiest. It gets harder and harder as the years go by. New worries, constant fears. School issues, friends, etc. It’s scary. It’s hard. Damn hard. And it’s it keeps getting more challenging, the older the kids get.

Denise 3 years ago

Never have truer words been written.

Nancy Davis Kho 3 years ago

Ok, I have to quibble: with kids 11 and 14, I can attest that I have slept through the night, like a log, for the past 3 years…it will all go to hell soon I’m sure, but I am well rested in the meantime. Otherwise your list is excellent. One other thing to look forward to: you won’t carry your baby as much. Because she will be taller than you, and asking to borrow your good shoes.

Marta 3 years ago

The pouch goes away? Especially when your kids start eating non-purees and you start eating their chicken fingers right along with them. Or am I the only one that does that?

Leigh Ann 3 years ago

You said at the end exactly what I always tell moms with infant twins when they ask me if it gets easier: “It gets different.” When you stop dealing with the never ending cycle of feeding, pumping, sleeping, you’re dealing with two toddlers running in opposite directions. The initial months of infant twins will make you want to kill yourself, but more challenges come as others go.

And I do WAY more laundry now than I ever did when they were babies.

Rebeccah 3 years ago

It’s true. It’s all so damn true. (hangs head, begins gently weeping)

Ashley 3 years ago

I agree. The complaining is annoying. My mom had a special needs child and never once complained or threw herself a pity party. I am also a mother and I love it. Whatever, some people don’t like it. I personally think it gets easier. To each his own.

Kate 3 years ago

Complain much? This whole article is you complaining. Maybe you should not have had kids. I can’t stand complaining I’m sorry. Grow up.

Shell 3 years ago

Totally agree.

It changes, for sure. So different.

But, it’s just a different kind of hard.

Mimzy Wimzy 3 years ago

It NEVER gets easier!
My oldest is 21, pregnant & living on the other side of the country. She thinks I can drop everything to be there when she has her baby.
My middle daughter is almost 20. Bi-polar, unmedicated and the mother of my sweet 3 month old granddaughter Soup. Her incessant phone calls drive me nuts! Did you know it is urgent to call someone 7 times in a row until they answer their phone while you know they have your baby at the Zoo to confirm she is wearing green for St. Patrick’s day?
Then we have my youngest. 18 year old son who says he will move out when he can financially support himself. In other words, I have to die to get away from him!
Parenting sucks once those days of wrapping your baby in a blanket, going to pee, coming back and finding that sweet bundle right where you left them are over.
Grandparenting is where it’s at!! We can love & spoil them to pieces!! When they are older & mouthy, you just leave them with their own parents!!

Alexandra 3 years ago

EXACTLY what I say when I present to new moms.

I tell them It doesn’t get better, it gets different.

So if you’re saying, “can’t wait till they’re no longer two…just don’t hold your breath…b/c it’s not much different when they’re 12..or 17…or 25…”

It never goes away, you never forget or give up or give in, or any of that…you will always be their mother.

Excellent post, Jill. I love what you think about parenting.

mohojomom 3 years ago

She’s a lawyer… she’s a working mom and a well paid one. I’m guessing the writer of this article has some “help” raising her child. My 2 kids would be easier too if I had some “help”. Plus, I’m guessing she has just one kid from the sounds of it. One is easier than 2 or more in my opinion. This article infuriated me.

ginabad 3 years ago

I am SO with you on this! Of course, my kids have special needs, so I have to think things like, “How do I teach my daughter about her body and to be safe with boys when we are still struggling with counting?” Maybe it’s not fair that I weigh in but, augh. How I MISS those easy-peasy early days, even if my youngest didn’t sleep until she was two, lol!! I do take comfort in that it is far more fulfilling and fun than those baby days, and I don’t regret a minute.

Kristi 3 years ago

Easier, no. Different kind of torture, yes. This week my baby girl started sleeping through the night yet I still wake up 3x a night. I’m dreading the teenage years.
Tube sock boobs…ah, the joys.

sheryl 3 years ago

My older sister always said little kids little problems, big kids big problems.

Kisha 3 years ago

My kids ate just out I the baby stage, and while I at least I no longer feel like I’m on house arrest, I can’t say it’s ‘easier’. Maybe it’s gone from fufillinb ‘mostly physical needs’ to more emotional or educational, now instead of just fed and dry I have have to do research on schools and burning questions like , “what do pirates eat?”

Different but not exactly easier.

Amber 3 years ago

I couldn’t agree with you more, Nellie. I did that with my first “I can’t wait til you….” with my second (twelve years later), I enjoy every minute just as it is. Well, there have been a few sleepless nights I could have done without but otherwise… :)

Nellie 3 years ago

Different surely is the word, I used to say silly things like “man, I can’t wait till you walk, or I can’t wait till you talk” I was wrong. I could wait.

Toni K 3 years ago

And my two oldest ones, 21 and 23, are the hardest to deal with right now!

Toni K 3 years ago

I remember when my brother’s son was a baby. He actually said, “It’ll be so much easier when he starts crawling.” I laughed out loud!

Lynn from For Love or Funny 3 years ago

So true, Jill. My kids are teens now, and I wake myself up with the nightmares about all the bad things that can happen.

Angela @ Happy Fit Mama 3 years ago

Thanks for calling BS. I will say it has been more fun the older my twins get but with every milestone comes a new ugh! Why can’t people tell the truth?

To the comment above from the 9 month old twins: When you get rid of the infant carriers build in an extra 10 minutes to actually get everyone out of the house and in the car. I seem to never be on time now whenever the kids are with me!

Tiffini S. 3 years ago

DREADING getting rid of the infant carriers – signed, Mom of 9 month old twins

Jack@TheJackB 3 years ago

I am busy trying to figure out how to keep paying for private school and a Bar Mitzvah. I sometimes miss the days when the 4’10 boy fit in my arm like a football.

There were no fights between he and his sister nor stress over what middle school to pick, what sports to play, whether dance class makes more sense than Karate etc….

Luciana 3 years ago

i have two young children ur right, it doesnt get any easier. when my second was born everyone said to be, get past the first year and it will get better. What!? im loosing my mind and i dont think ill ever get it back!

Courtney Clary 3 years ago

Easier? Tell that to my 16 month old who has been up 3 times already! Which is why I’m posting at 4am He slept through the night for about a month and then came teething! But we can’t forget the crawling out of the crib, bad dreams, tummy aches, and just plain drama they seem to come up with the older they get  I have a one and six year old, which one is more difficult varies by the hour 

Sarah May 3 years ago

The biggest lie is the laundry one. I have four kids aged between 5 and 16. I cannot keep on top of the laundry. Firstly, they get bigger, so so do their clothes, and like you pointed out they constantly feel the need to change. (Then drop their ‘dirty’ clothing in some inappropriate place). Our laundryroom has been renamed the Alps. Seriously, I’m thinking of getting a plaque made…

jen 3 years ago

Here you go again Heather- you scare the crap out of me. I don’t even remember what I was going to comment about now!

Crissytin 3 years ago

These little rascals start off inside of you, move from being in your arms all the time to wandering off at the grocery store and then suddenly driving off to college. So I guess it becomes physically less demanding over time. Some may call that ‘easier’, but then you feel like your heart is walking around outside of you. There’s nothing ‘easy’ about being a parent. We carry them with us long after they’ve left our safe embrace.
But, honestly,what new mom can handle that information? I would lie to them, too. It’s the kindest thing to do.

margie 3 years ago

I’m a new mom and everyone says it’ll get easier. After reading this post and everyone’s comments, I’ve realized they’re probably just referring to the sleep deprivation aspect of it all, and even then, I think you probably just get a break until they become teenagers!

I’ve always imagined raising kids simply gets easier in some ways, but harder in others, but you are always going to worry about them — at least until they’re middle-aged and you’re starting to lose your mind.

Christine 3 years ago

OMG, it’s so true! I was so naive with my firstborn, who is now 17 years old. And my almost 13 year old who has yet to hit true teenage angst (what she’s going through now is merely practice!). It is NOT easier at all! Different and more complex is how I would describe it. When they are little, things are so much more “black or white” or “right or wrong” or “yes or no.” And the laundry definitely doesn’t get better! And sleep . . . hah! I have a 5 year old as well . . . at least with her, I’ll be the best prepared (not!). I’m enjoying her innocence and unfailing trust in me, because I know in a few years she’ll be a skeptical of my advice and knowledge as her sisters now are!

Heather 3 years ago

Ha, ha! Love this. I have recently said that I didn’t start “parenting” until my son turned 2 and a half. That’s when I had to start really using my head. The first year is definitely hard on the mind, body and soul, but it’s mostly about just keeping your kids alive…. The hard part comes once they start having their own thoughts, ideas, opinions…

jodi 3 years ago

So, even though my boys are still young, I totally agree that the infant stage was the easier one. Parenting definitely gets more fun, more fulfilling – but yeah, not so much easier. :)

etel @ SignShine 3 years ago

Ummm… Easy?! Lets define that!
What is really easy these days? Even brushing teeth and shaving are quiet the mission. But true … It gets more amazing and fulfilling! Even with unshaved legs…

heidi 3 years ago

So, so true. All of it. Although, I will take ages 6 and 8 over babies and toddlers. People cringe when I say it as if I’m hurting their feelings, but it is truly (for me) the toughest stage. When people would tell me “enjoy this time…it just flies by” my immediate thought was, how fast?
Great post!

Anna 3 years ago

So so true, great post. There’s always something and I completely agree, it’s more “things change” than they “get easier”. Also – The bags under your eyes and the poochy stomach will go away. Hhmm…My son is 3 and a half, what’s the time frame on these things getting better because I miss my old stomach – lol!

Julie 3 years ago

The teenage years suck. In my last post I lied in my last line. The problem is, teenagers can read and they need all the self esteem they can get.

Stephanie 3 years ago

OMG. Shitsnacks is my new favorite word!

Megan 3 years ago

I find myself laughing and crying as I read this. It is so true. My oldest is turn six Friday and I want to cry and tell him to stop growing. I have told him to stop growing but I know he can’t help it. I am sad. Thank you Jill for putting these thoughts down because I think the same thing all the time.

Desiree 3 years ago

I’m a new mom (to a bouncy little 12 week old~) and everyone keeps telling me “it will get better. things will get easier.”

I almost feel like when they say that they’re laughing at me. I may have been able to get a few things down like diaper changing, burping, and comforting my son.. but it’s still really difficult everyday. I’m going to be facing new challenges everyday. For example: I think my son is getting really close to teething. He’s been nothing but a giant drool bucket. That’s going to be a learning experience for me.

Thanks for the blog. I appreciate someone understands that it just doesn’t exactly get easier.

Jody 3 years ago

My stomach is finally looking pretty good. My baby is 14 and I’ve been going to boot camp for 2 years. The bags under my eyes are gone, only to be replaced by dark circles since I’m so frickin old.
My oldest is 19 in his first year in college and it has not been “easy” but certainly less hard. Now there’s just advice that may or may not be heeded, lessons that must be learned on his schedule. I am doing some worrying but it’s def less hard. Hang in there Mamas!! xoxo

Celina 3 years ago

One word…TRUTH!

Stephanie 3 years ago

I have a 12 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn. The newborn causes the least stress, hands down. It actually gets harder the older they get…Mommy kisses soon stop being able to make it all better, and you can’t keep them safe by putting them in a sling or Snugli anymore.

Vivian 3 years ago

Ain’t that the truth! Just glad to see someone else say what everyone else is thinking. Well me anyway… After having been called a “reluctant” parent recently, I realise I am definitely a glass is more than half empty kind of gal, oy vay!

Kristin 3 years ago

I thought the same thing!
All of my friend either have much older kids or no kids at all yet. And all the ones with the older kids have reassured me that it gets easier.

mara 3 years ago

I hate to burst everyone’s bubble, but parenting annoying, nocturnal, devious, selfish, whiny teenagers is so much less peaceful than a barfing pooping baby. it gets easier when you’re grandma. And that is all.

Beth 3 years ago

I thought it was just my house. My 3.5yo sleeps beautifully. Her brother, the 6.5 year old. DOES. NOT. SLEEP. I think I will die if he doesn’t start sleeping soon. Seriously.

Kim @ Little Stories 3 years ago

So true. Love this.

Mayor Gia 3 years ago

Thanks for reminding why I don’t have kids…. 😛

Casey Fogle 3 years ago

Best one yet. SO true. My older one is 19, the younger one is 11– it’s not easier, it’s just different. Sometimes I wish for the simplicity of sleep/eat/puke/poop/sleep.

:)

Rawrchu 3 years ago

My children are 18 and 11 and I’m still waiting for it to get easier. I agree that the first year was the easiest. *sigh*

kate 3 years ago

crap. I was afraid of this.

C @ Kid Things 3 years ago

Although when they’re older, you can ship them off to school for the day. And that’s nice. Though it’s also where they learn to roll their eyes at you.

Holly from 300 Pounds 3 years ago

Parenting a teenager or even a pre-teen is to me far scarier and anxiety producing than a newborn or toddler. It could be that I am just further away from that stage now and forgetting what it was really like. I just know that I’d take the worries I had then any day over the vomit inducing terror that is knowing my 16 year old daughter is driving on the highway in rain!!

Zee 3 years ago

Easier? Is the woman INSANE?!
I have seven, count them, SEVEN, wonderful (ahem) children. I haven’t slept through the night for twenty years!

Mr20 goes out for the evening, swears he’ll be back by midnight then doesn’t come home all night. This means that I spend half the night worrying that he’s under a bus.

Miss18 lives with her lovely (moronic) boyfriend and his delightful (nightmarish) parents. There’s always some drama or other that she has to text me about at 3am.

Mr15 has Asperger’s Syndrome. His mind never stops, neither does his mouth!

Mr5 is also an Aspie. He spends all day bouncing off the walls and I’m lucky if he passes out before midnight and stays that way til after 6am.

Sleep? SLEEP? Hahahahahaaaaa *maniacal laughter*

Meggan 3 years ago

Tube socks…LOL! Indeed!

Amy 3 years ago

“All the power to Devon; clearly she’s a glass half full kind of girl. My glass, however, is always half empty. And, full of backwash from my disgusting children”………….. bahahahaha! this made me laugh out loud! I so relate!

Ooo it is trickery I tell ya… some misguided, delusional person said, “hunni, it gets easier, you just wait and see!” and then that person told someone and that someone told someone… you have uncovered the secret to the reason why women allow the human race to continue procreation? lol

Natasha 3 years ago

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jennifer Rath 3 years ago

I dream of the times when they were infants. At least I could keep them safe. Now I worry more because so much less in under my control. It won’t ever end, will it?

Cassie 3 years ago

Yep, she was lying! I prefer my milk-swollen breasts to the deflated balloons I have now. Also, I lost more than ten pounds after having baby (after the baby weight) and my stomach still looks like an old, worn-out, under-stuffed, pin cushion. And that’s just my body 2 years after baby…..don’t even get me started about parenting being “easier”.

Nathalie 3 years ago

Yes, and no one ever tells you that your 4 year old daughter will think she’s sixteen and start doing the “MoooOOooomm” thing 12 years too soon.

Meredith 3 years ago

I only disagree because of sleep. The first 6 months with my twins were the worst of my goddamn life because I was getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night, only broken up into half hour chunks here and there. Yes, they are now 4 and I still have to get up at least twice a night, but I’ll take that any day of the week over those first few months.
But yeah, it definitely doesn’t get easier. It just gets “different hard.” I think people tell new moms that it will get easier so that they don’t smother themselves with a pillow. Which i am positive you can do if you want it enough.

Vanessa Jubis 3 years ago

After labor cramps got progressively tougher to handle after each child. Raising them has been the same 😮

Vanessa 😉

Jessica 3 years ago

Easier? Hell no. But definitely a lot more fun and more laughs. Less crying, more screaming.

Heather 3 years ago

Easy? Snort.

Candice 3 years ago

I only have one kid, who’s about to turn two, so that probably affects my opinion. For me, he is infinitely easier now than he was in that first year. No waking up during the night, no bottles, one nap, MUCH more fun and communicative. We do his laundry once a week Sure, I know it’ll get harder (bigger kids, bigger problems), but maybe they mean that the years immediately after that first year are easier. I would rather laugh off a toddler having a tantrum than deal with a five month old screaming for some reason I can’t determine.

Undereye bags, though… yeah. I know those aren’t going anywhere. Alas.

Kristin Shaw 3 years ago

LOL “shitsnacks”. My new favorite phrase.

zinkemom 3 years ago

The first 5 month with the twins was probably the easiest. At least then they couldn’t get away from me and get into trouble. Sure I was sleep deprived, my boobs leaked, and sometimes I didn’t get to shower for days. But I never had to worry about what they were doing if I did lay down and try to nap for 15 minutes.

Amanda 3 years ago

I laughed too. Why won’t that stretch marked pooch go away?

Andrea 3 years ago

It never gets easier and thanks to my son I can’t sneeze without needing a Depends:-)

Chris @ CleverFather 3 years ago

The part I’m looking forward to the most? No more diapers! Down with diapers! Down with diapers!

Practical Parenting 3 years ago

With each new age comes new worries! There are always highs and lows, but easy? Never!

Jennifer 3 years ago

For real. Like I always say, the bigger the kids, the bigger the problems.

Stephanie 3 years ago

Uhhhh…maybe with one kid, and even that’s debatable. My twins are 13 months old and still not sleeping through the night, so phooey on that. And the laundry? You’re completely right, it just gets bigger, and, at this point, never makes it back up to anyone’s bureau. Devon, come on over and sleep on my couch for a few days. You’ll be singing a completely different tune.

Megan 3 years ago

Amen!!!

Katie 3 years ago

LOL. I read that post and laughed. I have teenagers. I freaking wish.

Jen 3 years ago

Love that you tell it like it is. SO TRUE!!!

Life with kaishon 3 years ago

Dead on Jill!

RachRiot 3 years ago

Aw, shitsnacks! I was just hoping to make it out of the “terrible two’s” alive.. My daughter just turned 6 and I see no light at the end of the terrible tunnel. *sigh*

Amber 3 years ago

Maybe it is because I spaced my 12 years apart, but it totally got easier for me! In fact it got way easier by the time the first was 12 – she was doing her own laundry (since she was 7 – my husband was in the military and forced that) and is a really good kid.

…and then we went and had another one. The one year old might give us a run for our money. She’s got a sweet-mischievous side that is barrels of fun and has me convinced I’ll never have a clean house again!

Kate 3 years ago

Bags and stomach pooch go away?

WHO IS THIS PERSON? OMG.

I’m right there with you. Mine just get larger, and the pooch gets even more misshapen and odd. Not bigger, I guess, just, I don’t know, saggier?

jodifur 3 years ago

My 5 month old slept through the night beautifully. My now 7 year old has stopped sleeping all together. Kill me, please.

Anna 3 years ago

i hear you. also, as they get older they may sleep more hours consecutively then they did as babies, but you will end up with spending the same number of hours “helping” with science projects, scale models of historical homes, and my personal undoing: the 3-D pop-up book my child was required to make (she chose janet jackson).

Kristin Shaw 3 years ago

This sentence right here made me laugh out loud – I’m right there with you!
“The bags under your eyes and the poochy stomach will go away. They will? Clearly I’m doing something wrong.”

bonnie 3 years ago

Who ever belives that has either never had a child or has lost their damn mind because of them + just cant remember!

peach 3 years ago

And if you have a child with autism sometimes all it gets is harder. Therapy appointments every week, meetings with the school all the time, explaining behavior to new friends, etc.

Not a Perfect Mom 3 years ago

totally…
I’m way more tired now than when they were younger and all I had to worry about was getting to kindermusic or whatever ridiculous activity I was doing with the first and second born…

Susan 3 years ago

Shit. I suspected this.

Alison@Mama Wants This 3 years ago

I’m expecting my 2nd in a few weeks and I already know that with a toddler and a newborn – it’s going to be harder to parent the toddler than the baby. So yes, parenting is not going to get easier, it just changes. Or dare I say, maybe even harder.

Hey, babies don’t talk back right?

bea. 3 years ago

I knew my friends with older kids were lying to me about it getting easier. Different sure, but not easier.