Parenting: The Hollywood Version

I’m a firm believer in the basic rule of Don’t Shit On Other Moms. For the most part, I see other moms following this rule, being totally cool with other moms’ faults and our not-so-Pinterest-perfect lives. We understand that moms do some truly superhuman things, but we’re still human, and it’s not always pretty. It’s why my friends are accepting when I confess that the one time I remembered the bake sale at my kids’ school, I found myself frantically scouring a 7-11, debating whether 3^rd graders might pay 50 cents for a Slim Jim.

So why doesn’t Hollywood get it, too?

Hours after giving birth, while the rest of us are still sitting in the hospital with ice packs in our underwear, famous moms sign deals for postpartum bikini photo shoots. Kim Kardashian is criticized for gaining too much weight when pregnant, Rachel Zoe for not gaining enough. We’re bombarded with pictures of Blue Ivy Carter’s perfect nursery and Nori West’s designer wardrobe. Star Magazine actually puts out a report card grading celebrity moms (Angelina Jolie got a ‘D’ last year for giving her kids Cheetos). Tori Spelling admitted that she lied to US Weekly- she didn’t lose the baby weight via “sensible” exercise and eating, she actually just stopped eating. She said it because her publicist told her to lie, they decided that women “didn’t want to know” the truth.

I, for one, would much prefer the truth, thank you very much.

Which is why when a certain celebrity posted a photo on Instagram, where three minions tended to her hair, makeup and nails as she laid back in her robe, relaxing blissfully while she breastfed her daughter, I got seriously pissed off. I never looked like that when nursing my children, nor do I care that I didn’t (though I will admit that I have nursed while on the toilet, so I was multitasking too- BOO-YAH Gisele!). Why the fuck would she post that, other than to make other moms feel inferior? This is not the reality for 99.99% of moms. You know, the moms who looked at the photo and said, “Hey Gisele, you know what? When I go to work, I’m away from my kid for 12 hours at a time. I’m lucky if my employer gives me a supply closet to pump in. And we’re on a budget, so I haven’t had a manicure in years.”

We all know that being a mom isn’t glamorous, and it certainly isn’t easy. Can we let 2014 be the year of being honest and allow celebrities to be shown in all their imperfect glory- the good, the bad, and the really, really messy? It would be a hell of a refreshing change.