This Married Couple's "3-Hour Night" Has Been A Total Game Changer For Their Relationship

At the end of the long day, most parents just want to lay on the couch, put on some reality TV background noise, and use TikTok to disassociate. It’s normal to want to just escape and decompress and relax after 12 hours of trying to keep your children alive.

However, married couples — tired from kids and working and life — can often lose each other — lose connection — because they’re just so burnt out. Sure, bi-weekly date nights can help, but most people need a connection and to feel seen every single day. So, how do parents do this without feeling like it’s a chore, especially when the only downtime is the evening when we’re exhausted?

One woman is recommending her “three-hour night” marriage hack that, she says, has changed their relationship for the better.

“I wanted to share something that my husband and I started doing at the beginning of the year and it's been so fun and such like a game changer for how our evenings go,” Rachel Higgins began in her viral video.

“So, before, after our daughter goes to bed, we would lounge on the couch, scroll on our phones until we were too tired and went to bed. So, we started doing something that we're calling our, ‘three-hour night.’”

Higgins explains that their night is broken up into three separate hours. The first hour, usually starting around 7 p.m., is dedicated to getting s**t done or what she calls “productive time.”

“So start with like a quick cleanup of the kitchen or just like things that accumulated throughout the day, and then we try to do something that either ... has been being put off or cleaning the bathroom or like organizing the pantry or hall closet or something like, super random like sharpening the knives. Anything that's productive for the household,” she explained.

The second hour of the “three-hour night” is dedicated to their marriage, working to connect on a physical and emotional level after a day filled with chaos. They put their phones away and do something solely dedicated to their marriage.

“So, that could be things like showering together or ‘having fun’ together, playing a game together, or just like anything that's gonna get you guys talking and connecting or like debriefing from the day or just like talking about what you're doing and like the plans for tomorrow or like how works going or whatever. So, anything that's gonna connect and strengthen and build your marriage,” Higgins continued.

The final hour of the “three-hour night” is all about doing something, individually, that they want to do without judgment.

“If you just want to lay on the couch and scroll your phone and watch TikToks or whatever like watch YouTube videos, the other person like can't pass any judgment on that,” she said. Whether you like to read, game or knit, that hour is for total introversion with an activity that best helps you recharge.

Several TikTok users commented on Higgins’ video, praising the idea and admitting they, too, have a scroll-after-dark habit.

“I love this! We get stuck in pattern of scrolling for hours before falling asleep,” one user wrote.

“setting aside time for these things is SO IMPORTANT! I love that you're doing this and that you're sharing it ❤️,” another shared.

Higgins also noted in the comment section that doing the “three-hour night” every night is not realistic. However, they try for 3-4 times a week. Even just one night a week sounds like it could be beneficial to a marriage that could be stuck in a rut. So many parents feel disconnected from their spouses due to the stressors that come with kids. This marriage “hack” could even be broken down into smaller bits (say half an hour each) if three hours wasn’t sustainable. Definitely trying this!