A Therapist Shares 5 Ways To Prevent Your Sons From Being Radicalized Online
"If you don't shape his world, the algorithm will."
There’s been a pattern among many of the recent mass shooters and school shooters that we should be very aware of: a significant number seem to have been radicalized online, some without their families ever knowing they were spending large chunks of their day on the darkest parts of the web. Kids who were not raised in hateful, violent, racist, or xenophobic families are suddenly surfacing with extremist views, acting out violently, and falling into deep ideological webs.
How can we protect our kids, especially straight white males, from being red-pilled?
One of our favorite accounts, @therapyjeff, run by licensed counselor Jeff Guenther, offered a simple five-step plan for helping prevent boys from being radicalized online — although many of these steps are also generally great to keep kids safe online and thinking for themselves.
Here’s what Guenther had to say.
1. Interrupt the victim story
“At some point, your son may say he feels attacked for just being white or male,” Jeff begins. “Don't roll your eyes, but also don't coddle him either. Extremist groups that are just a podcast away groom boys by telling them the lie that they're the real victims of feminism or diversity. That victim story is one of the earliest hooks turning isolation into blame. That's easy to weaponize. The best prevention is early conversation, teaching the difference between discomfort and oppression, and offering healthier narratives about belonging and fairness.”
2. Teach emotional literacy
“If your son can't name or regulate his feelings, he's way more likely to turn rejection into rage,” Guenther continued. “Teach him how to say, I feel lonely instead of girls are the problem. Feelings don't disappear just because they ignore them. They leak out as blame and turn into resentment and contempt. And then far worse.”
3. Model healthy masculinity
“If all he hears is man up and don't cry, he's going to find belonging in toxic online spaces that reward cruelty, because if you won't let him be vulnerable, he'll settle for being violent. Show him that strength includes kindness, sensitivity, and respect. Or Reddit will happily show him the opposite.”
4. Teach digital literacy
“Stop pretending he's just gaming. He's also in Discord servers, YouTube rabbit holes, and TikTok feeds. Being told who to hate. Teach him what algorithms are and how propaganda works, or the internet will raise him for you.”
5. Build belonging that isn't online
“Isolation is rocket fuel for radicalization,” Jeff said. “If your kid doesn't feel connected in the real world, he's going to go looking for belonging on Discord, YouTube, and anonymous forums full of rage and those places will happily hand him an identity built on cruelty. So here's the bottom line. Get your sons off Discord. Don't give them weapons. Give them belonging. Sign them up for D and D, improv classes, woodworking, archery, volunteering, whatever makes him feel connected and creative.
In general, Guenther stresses some of the real basics of parenting and raising kids: talk to your kids, communicate feels, educate them, and get them out into the real world. In addition, monitor them in the Wild West that is today’s internet.
“Talk to him about the feelings he's feeling before some manosphere influencer does it for you,” Guenther concludes, “because if you don't shape his world, the algorithm will, and you're not going to like the result.”
