Naming your baby should be one of the fun, exciting parts of having a child. There are thousands to choose from and it’s an opportunity to honor anyone from an ancestor or friend to an artist or literary character. One thing’s clear, though: If you’re having a baby with your partner, you need to agree on a baby name that you both like.
And that can be hard to do.
What happens when one person is dead set on a name and the other person hates it? And what happens when neither of you will budge or compromise? Many people believe in the “one no, two yeses” rule of baby-naming, but what if that’s just not working?
That’s the case for the couple we’re about to get to know a little better. The wife absolutely loves the boy’s name she has in mind. And the husband thinks it’s awful (spoiler alert: so do I). They were at an impasse, but the wife seems to have just forged ahead with her plan and her name.
Now, the husband has taken to Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole?” forum to get the internet’s help on the matter. Should he fight this battle, or let it go? Is the name really as bad as he thinks? What is the best solution for this troubled pair?
Here’s the situation in his words:
“Me (25m) and my wife (23f) are having our first child together,” he begins. “She is currently 9 months pregnant and could give birth anytime in the next couple of weeks. The only major fight we have had throughout her pregnancy happened a couple days ago, and it was about what we were going to name our kid.”
Here we go.
“It all started when we found out the gender of the baby,” he continues. “After we found out we were having a boy we sat down together and made a list. Almost all of the names she suggested were normal, until the one that caused me to write this post. She suggested we name our son Mune. She told me the name was from this movie she watched when she was younger and that it always stuck with her. I told her the name was a little out there and he would get made fun of for it. She claimed he wouldn’t and we started going back and forth trying to decide whether to add the name to the list or not. Eventually she agreed to keep the name off the list, we picked some that we liked, and I thought that was that.”
Mune? Is that pronounced like “Moon?” Or like “Money?” Either way, it not my favorite.
“Later on in her pregnancy her mom decided to throw a baby shower as it was her first grandchild,” he went on. “It was fine for the most part until we started to open the gifts. Most of them were normal baby things like diapers and bottles, until we got to her mom’s gift. My wife opened the gift bag and pulled out a blue handmade blanket. It seemed normal enough at first until my wife unfolded it and low and behold there was the name Mune written on the blanket.”
Oh no she didn’t.
“When I saw it i was pissed but didn’t want to cause a scene so I stayed quiet,” he said. What restraint. “After that reveal I had family members come up to me and ask me about the name and why I hadn’t told them. I didn’t know what to tell them as I didn’t have a clue about this either and just had to embarrassingly tell my family that, which pissed me off even more.”
After the party, things came to a head.
“Once the event ended and me and my wife went home I started to question her about the name. She got defensive and told me that it was a good name and that I was overreacting about it,” he concluded. “I brought up the earlier points and told her it was a stupid name for a kid and if she wanted to name something Mune so bad she could use the name for a dog. She got upset and called her mom to come get her. After she left she called me and told me she wouldn’t be coming back for awhile. Everyone I’ve talked to about this has said I’m not the asshole, but now that my wife has been gone and ive been thinking about it I feel like I could have handled the situation better.”
What did the court of public opinion think?
They sided with dad, overwhelmingly.
“Naming a baby is a 2 yes or 1 no situation,” read the most popular comment. “You do not name a child something your partner does not agree with. You find a compromise. This is the start of many necessary compromises in life and it is a total AH move to unilaterally decide on a child’s name despite your partner’s misgivings. You need to put your foot down HARD on this because what she is doing is 100% not okay. She is absolutely not mature enough for motherhood if she can not find a reasonable compromise on this.”
Another person put it more simply: “She and her mom pulled a power play on you. That in itself is an a**hole move.”
Another person pointed out that her behavior is a red flag.
“Leaving so she doesn’t have to face the argument is actually a form of abuse if it happens a lot,” they wrote. “She may just have baby brain and be overreacting due to hormones, but that is red flag behavior of it can’t be dismissed for reasons beyond her control. Unilaterally choosing a baby name that hubby made clear he doesn’t like is a big AH move though.”
“This is a child, not a goldfish,” another said.
So, it seems more than clear: Baby names are all about compromise if you have a partner. And going behind another’s person’s back on the issue is likely revealing a bigger problem than just the name of your kid.