The "Cat vs. Dog” Parenting Style Could Be The Trick To Getting Your Teen To Open Up

Parenting trends are nothing new. There’s gentle parenting, permissive parenting, helicopter parenting, FAFO parenting, and everything in between. Now, there’s cat parenting and dog parenting, and one mom says that if you are hoping to get a little closer with your tween or teen, you might need to tap into your black cat energy and leave the golden retriever vibes behind.

The original term of cat vs. dog parenting came from Dr. Aliza Pressman on her Raising Good Humans podcast, where she explained the differences in approach as kids get older.

When kids are young, you want to be a dog.

“You're wagging your tail when you're excited to see them. You're always there, and you're really enthusiastic,” she explained in the video, chatting with author Jay Shetty on his On Purpose podcast.

“But then, as they get older, imagine you're 11 to 25-year-old self, you need to be a cat.”

What does that mean exactly? Basically, like a cat, you're always around, but not totally up in their business.

“You're touching their feet. You're not overly on top of them, but if they're interested, they can come to you. But you're not going anywhere. So, it's this safe thing where you're there for them, but it's not so intense,” Dr. Pressman explained.

“And then they have the opportunity to open up a little bit. And when they do, you don't pounce like a dog. You stay a cat who's welcoming the information, but not saying, ‘Oh my god!’ And then, because, you don't want your kids to think, You can't handle my truth. So you're not the person to tell.”

One mom on Instagram shared her own perspective on dog vs. cat parenting, noting that it’s totally shifted her viewpoint when it comes to raising her kids.

“When my 2 older kids were little, ‘dog energy’ worked just fine. Always playful, enthusiastic, wagging-my-tail happy to be there. And honestly, I still use that approach with my youngest because that’s what she needs right now. But with my teens? It was backfiring,” Carol admitted.

“I was tired of the constant pushback, the eye rolls, the little battles over every tiny thing. The more I chased, the more they pulled away… and it left me stressed and frustrated. That’s when I decided to try the ‘cat’ energy instead: always around, but not on top of them. Present, but calmer. Giving them space to come to me when they were ready. And the shift has been huge.”

She continued, “I feel way less stressed.
They actually look for me when they want to talk. Our connection feels more natural.”

She gave one other tip for helping navigate the world of closed-off teens.

“The other thing I started doing: Whenever they do open up, I ask:
‘Do you want me to just listen, or do you also want my opinion?’ And I discovered something important:
Most of the time, they just want to be heard. Not judged. Not given advice. Not even a silly joke. Just heard. It sounds so simple, but for my teens it’s been everything. They talk more, I react less, and the eye rolls? Definitely fewer. 😉 So if you’re in the thick of those tween/teen years, try switching from dog to cat too. It might just change the whole vibe in your house like it did in mine.”

My daughter is only six right now, so I am in the depths of dog energy, but I am putting this in my back pocket when she’s older and needs her mom to give off cat energy.