What defines a "good dad," and why is it different from what defines a "good mom"? In truth, there probably isn't much difference. A good parent, by most standards, is anyone who cares and tries to do the best they can. They might f*ck up. They drop the ball a lot. But they know it, and they try to do better next time. Anyone who does that is a good parent. So, why does it seem like dads predominantly get praise just for showing up?
When Mom makes dinner? Crickets. When she takes her kid to school, the doctor, or the park? She's lucky if her kid mutters, "Thanks." Dads, though? When dads show up to do any of those very basic tasks, he's told he's "such a good dad." Why? Well, moms tend to be the default parents, juggling the kajillion things involved with day-to-day parenting. Meanwhile, dads get a standing ovation just for, you know, not leaving. Who can we blame for this? The patriarchy, of course.
If you’re irritated just thinking about this, same. So, you'll absolutely love this amazingly relatable song from Farideh, a mom and musician on TikTok. Each verse illustrates the work moms and female partners do for the family while each chorus sarcastically praises Dad, her male partner. And, honestly, it's catchy.
Don’t feel too bad as she roasts her husband. Based on the footage of Dad frolicking through autumn leaves, he’s in on the joke. The fact that he’s in on it makes the song and video even better because it shows that somewhere out there, over the rainbow, there might just be a few men who understand the absurdity of gratuitous “good dad” compliments instead of taking them to heart.
There is nothing (NOTHING) more infuriating than a dad who does the bare minimum and thinks he’s an asset to the family. And this dad, from the outside looking in, at least seems vaguely aware of that fact.
“I woke at 5 a.m. to screaming in the hallway. There was barf in the bed, so another load of laundry. Our kid was crying, so we talked about our feelings. You were sleeping. That’s cool,” she sings in the second verse. “But then you got up, and your mom came over, and she said, ‘You are such a good dad.’”
The only thing more triggering than this verse is knowing that in many houses, Dad wouldn’t sleep through the chaos. Instead, he’d come in and complain about being woken up. Then, he'd stand in the middle of the domestic battlefield scratching his ass and scowling — but not helping.
And yet, somehow, later that day, someone will still call him a “good dad,” and he will absolutely believe it.
Look no further than the comment section for proof! One mom chimed in, “I showed this to my husband, and he said, ‘I like this song, I am such a good dad.’ You may see me on the news soon.”
Another said what we’re all thinking, replying, “This should not be so accurately depressing and hilarious at the same time.”
It's probably safe to put the tiniest bit of blame for this societal pattern on previous generations of women. Our mums and grandmas may have burned their bras or been the first women in our family with college degrees, but they still often remain oblivious to what "good dad" compliments do to moms.
It doesn't matter how much your male partner annoys the ever-lovin' sh*t out of your mom; she'll still smile and swoon when the father of your child spends five minutes playing hide-and-seek. And, of course, tell him that he's a good dad. And maybe he is... because he cares as much as you do.
But why TF should he get all the compliments when you're the one holding the family together with all the seen and unseen labor, the mental and physical load that comes with running a house and raising a family?
Take a deep breath, Mama, and let’s listen to the song again. (Better yet, listen to Farideh’s entire, relatable album, The Motherload. It’s better than rage-cleaning the piss off the bathroom floor.