This Mom Says Pretend Play Is The Secret To Getting Her Teen Daughter To Open Up

One of the biggest surprises to me as I raise a tween daughter is how little she still feels. I see so much of her toddler self in how she regulates, how she lets me know she needs me (begging for more bedtime cuddles, following me into the kitchen), and even how she plays with her little sisters. But for all of the things you hear about tweens and teens, one of the most parroted is how they want nothing to do with you once they reach a certain age.

I’m honestly not so sure that’s the case... and one mom on TikTok agrees.

Alyson Johnson, aka @thebusinessofgolf on social media, recently shared that she stumbled upon the “secret” of getting your teenage daughter to talk to you. Speaking straight to the camera, she tells a story of her 14-year-old getting frustrated over not having something to wear, and instead of getting onto her for it or telling her it wasn’t important — you know, all the things we can see ourselves saying when our teen is having a crash-out — she says she reverted back to how she would’ve handled it when her kid was little.

Enter: pretend play.

“I brought her into my closet, and I did this whole big, ‘Oh, are you shopping with us today? Please, let me get you a treat.’ And I gave her a chocolate, and I gave her a beautiful flute of apple cider or something. And I was like, ‘Let me show you some pieces’ .... And her attitude went from, ‘I hate my life, I don’t like what I’m wearing’ to like, ‘Oh this is kind of fun,’” she recalls.

Alyson says this moment is similar to another one she was currently filming about “spa time.” She takes a “plate of tiny things” for her daughter and a glass of wine for herself, and she gives her daughter a blow-out while her daughter “spills the tea” just like in a salon.

It’s basically the art of play — without your teen ever realizing it.

Alyson points out that having her daughter feel cared for and pampered in this way leads to kinder, better conversations between them. In the caption, she even shares that this was the kind of thing she did when her kids were much smaller, just to be silly, but that the beautiful strategy of distraction still really works with big kids.

It makes total sense. By creating these more relaxed and inviting scenarios, it comes off less like an interview, where you just keep hitting your kid with questions and “here’s what you should do” statements, and more like having an easy conversation about something that’s happened.

I’ve noticed it with my own tween girl playing with her two little sisters — they seem to work things out through pretend play.

So here’s to plates of tiny things and the reminder that even our big kids might still just want to be little with us sometimes.