13 Things No One Warns You About Kids Becoming Tweens
You need to stock up on snacks. Like, right now.
I can admit, I was supremely excited for my oldest to become a tween. I think it’s because I remember my own tween years so well — both the joy and the angst — and I knew it was a journey that would be best for all of us if I had a positive outlook.
But wow. There are a lot of things nobody warned me about when my kid became a tween.
When you tell someone your child is about to be a tween, they immediately enter Doomsday, Level 5. It’s all about how disrespectful tweens are and how hard this age is and how stressed and upset you’re going to be. Everyone talks about the emotions of tweens and how they’ll terrorize your household, and I honestly just had to ignore all of that.
But nobody told me that tween behaviors and toddler behaviors are basically a Venn diagram. Nobody told me that they’d want to push all their limits, while also staying up my butt and following me from room to room. Nobody told me they’d still get super excited about something new, like a craft kit, while also refusing to hear any feedback from me about anything.
And not one person warned me about how easily a tween would be embarrassed (and I don’t mean by their parents).
Their independence might freak them out a bit.
Everyone talks about how much tweens crave independence — and that may be true — but when they finally get it, it might freak them out a little bit. Everything from suddenly being in charge of their own homework assignments to venturing out with friends on their own can feel a little overwhelming, so be prepared. They may ask for more guidance than you expected, or may straight up feel like they aren’t ready.
They become a little clingier.
It is both a joy and a stressor because once my kid became a tween, I remained convinced something was wrong and that she just wasn’t telling me for weeks. It’s like my tween became a toddler again with her clinginess. Sometimes she wanders into the kitchen and just leans her head against my shoulder while I cook, or comes up to me and asks me for a hug out of nowhere. Remember, there are a lot of emotions happening in the tween years — soak in the clinginess and make sure they know they can talk to you if they want.
They can eat.
This is another blessing and a curse, but something about the tween years completely changed my daughter’s appetite. Hormones, puberty, I know there’s an explanation, but she can put away food like she did when she was a not-so-picky baby. The major blessing is that her tweendom seemed to also cure her of the picky eating habits she developed as a preschooler, and I am all about an 11-year-old trying new foods without throwing a tantrum.
They will test limits beyond anything you’ve ever dreamed.
You remember your tween as a toddler? And how you’d watch them grab something you just told them they couldn’t have and fling it to the floor? Everyone loves to say “they’re just testing their limits!” and that’s true, but nobody warns you how that behavior comes back tenfold with a tween. They want to see what happens when they do XYZ. Some tweens will purposely push limits to see how far they can go. Some tweens will develop behaviors you’ve never noticed in them before just to see the consequences. It’s exhausting.
They want you around.
They will ask when you’re coming home from the grocery store. They’ll ask their other parent where you are if you’re not stationed at the kitchen sink like normal. They will ask you what you did that day and why and if you have to do anything else once they’re home. I think it ties into the clinginess, but I absolutely was not expecting my tween to suddenly demand my location at all times. (Which she, of course, is tracking on her phone.)
They can be extremely annoying.
Look, that feels harsh to type out, but good grief — tweens are loud. They jump from one side of the room to the other while they talk to you, they make weird noises, they do goofy faces in every family photo (if they let you take one at all) — you will find yourself rolling your eyes at your own tween more than you ever expected.
They aren’t as obsessed with their devices as you thought they’d be.
OK, of course this depends on your kid, but I thought once my 11-year-old had a phone, she’d be begging me constantly for it, wanting to download social media, using it 24/7 to talk to her friends. But honestly, she uses it pretty sparingly. She FaceTimes her besties and texts off and on, but sometimes the phone sits in the middle of the kitchen table from Friday after school until Monday morning when she slides it back into her bookbag.
And between her and her friends at sleepovers and gatherings, nobody picks up their phone. The only time they seem to use the phones is to take videos and goofy pictures. She even told me they implement a “screen-free” rule for their sleepovers.
They develop new hobbies.
I think we fully expect little kids to have hobbies, but forget that so many of our favorite hobbies and things to do are developed as we become tweens and teens. Nothing surprised me more than my 11-year-old, who was never really into crafting, suddenly asking for a dollhouse to design and a bracelet-making kit for Christmas. And the best part? At this age, they can pretty much handle their hobbies all on their own.
They aren’t great with feedback.
Whether it’s you offering them tips on studying or asking them to try doing something a little different the next time they clean their room, be prepared — tweens aren’t great at receiving feedback. Again, all those emotions and hormones might have them a little sensitive and assuming any feedback is criticism, but you’ve still got to tread lightly.
They still want to play outside.
Don’t toss your outdoor toys just yet. Tweens still love to be outside, whether it’s taking a walk with friends, jumping on the trampoline, or chasing their little siblings around. The way everyone talks about tweens, I just assumed they’d be holed up in their room until graduation, but it turns out they still like sunshine, too.
They want you to watch TV shows with them.
Tweens really start getting into TV shows in a way I didn’t expect (even though I fully remember discovering old sitcoms in my tween years), and you need to be prepared — they will want you to watch it with them. They will talk to you like you’ve never seen an episode of Friends before in your life.
They embarrass easily.
And I don’t just mean they’ll be embarrassed by you (although that will happen as well), but by their own actions and life happenings and everything. They’ll blush when you brag on them to your neighbor, they’ll pretend like they don’t know you when they trip walking into the grocery store, they’ll run upstairs to their room when someone asks them if they farted — their embarrassmentmeter is incredibly fragile.
They will interrupt what used to be your alone time.
I always knew my kids’ bedtime routine was important for them when they were little, but I also didn’t realize how much I relied on everyone being in bed upstairs every night so I could have my alone time... until my kid became a tween. Now it feels weird to send her to bed at 8 p.m. when she wants to stay up and hang out for a bit, but if I let her stay up too long, then I’m too tired to enjoy any alone time once she’s in bed. I love the extra time with her, but y’all, I’m tired.
