This Husband Spends 8 Hours In The Bathroom On His Days Off & His Wife Is Asking For Help
Choosing to leave is not an option, she says.
The old trope about men and their bathroom habits is a tale as old as time. We all joke about men really taking their time when they go to the bathroom. There are memes and TikToks and tons of commentary on how men just take so damn long when they’re in there.
What are they even doing?!
Well, for one mom, she says she knows exactly what he’s doing, and she’s pretty much over it because this guy spends up to an entire working day in the bathroom with the door closed, leaving her to do all the housework and childcare.
She turned to the Mommit subreddit to ask for some advice on how to navigate this sh*tty situation, wondering if there is anything she can do to make this absolute freaking nightmare (my words, not hers!) end.
First off, she prefaces that she will not tolerate “10,000 comments” telling her to leave her husband. It’s not feasible for her.
“I already know that may be the best/easiest solution, but it’s not an option, so please move along if that’s all you’ve got,” she begins.
“Anyway ... I see posts about husbands taking an hour or two and that’s a GOOD day for us. We are at a bare minimum 4-6 hours a day here, often 8,” she says of her husband’s bathroom habits, explaining that the retreat into the bathroom began agter their daughter was born and they experienced a family loss.
It’s been two years since then, and nothing is getting better.
“I’m still doing literally everything,” she writes.
“We’ve established the basic facts: He’s not pooping the whole time, even if he has IBS. He has ADHD (so do I!) and claims he needs alone time to get things like balancing our budget and coordinating some of his elderly parents’ home care stuff. Thankfully no porn addiction or anything like that. But he is highly avoidant and claims that if I complain, it makes him take longer. Sounds like BS to me.”
The OP goes on to say that they’ve tried therapy a couple time, but she knows that her husband just “tells the therapist what she wants to hear and then does not make any sort of changes to his behavior.”
Now, she’s wondering if a male therapist might help to see if another man might actually get the message through.
I can’t even see my laptop screen through all these red flags!
The OP has gotten so fed up, she’s wondering if she should take the bathroom door off, like he’s a rowdy teen or something.
“I know that’s bad to do with kids, but this is a grown-ass man,” she says. Correct — he’s a grown ass man. What are we doing here?!
To add complete insult to injury, she signs off, writing, “Today’s literally my birthday and he’s been in there since 7 am”
Most of the comments agree that this behavior is completely unacceptable, encouraging the OP to send in the kids regularly during his 8-hour bathroom break.
“I guess the only thing I can say is stop putting up with it. That’s not to say, ‘leave him’ but keep bothering him and reasserting the fact that you need help. Don’t let him have the peace and quiet,” one user wrote.
“Set an alarm. Keep sending your kid into the bathroom every 10 mins,” another said.
“Girl, do you hear yourself? Your husband is literally hiding in the bathroom to avoid you and your kids for hours upon hours every day. Let that sink in for a minute. People absolutely are going to tell you to leave, because why would you want to stay with a man who very clearly does not like you or your kids to the point where he holes up for hours in the bathroom. Have some self-respect because all you're teaching your kids now is that this is how relationships & parenting are,” another wrote with some tough love.
Bottom line: this husband would rather be alone than spend time with his wife and his kids. If she doesn’t want to leave, and they’ve tried therapy. It seems that accepting this 8-hour bathroom break is her only option.
