couple of issues

A Woman Has Four Conditions Before She’ll Agree To Have A Baby

But her husband won’t agree to the last one.

Originally Published: 
One couple can’t seem to agree on having kids after one-half of the partnership has some pretty inte...
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The decision to expand a family should not be taken lightly. A couple should be able to come to an agreement on having kids and find common ground in the desire to have a family. Some couples want to have certain financial goals accomplished before having kids, while others desire to travel the world before settling down, for example.

One couple can’t seem to agree on having kids after one-half of the partnership has some pretty intense stipulations before having a family. She posted on Reddit’s popular “Am I The A**hole” subreddit page, hoping to get some clarity on if she’s in the wrong.

She explains that she and her husband, still in their twenties, have been married for nine years after getting married while still in college. To her knowledge, kids were never on the table until one day, her husband said he wanted to have a family.

“I was confused because I didn't expect this change of heart from him. I said I needed time to think, and he agreed to give me space,” she wrote.

“After a lot of reflection, I realized I wasn't entirely against the idea of having a child, but I also wasn't excited about it. I knew having a child would completely change our lives, and I would have to give up many things I value.”

Knowing that life would never be the same if they decided to have a child, the OP came up with four “conditions” that her husband would have to agree to if they wanted to continue on the journey to parenthood.

“I thought it was fair since I would be taking on most of the risk and sacrifice,” she explained.

The conditions were as follows:

  1. Her husband would have to undergo a fertility test to ensure he doesn't have any issues that could make conception difficult.
  2. He would also have to temporarily step back from his company and his brother's business, helping out with the baby for the first two years of its life, committing to share the baby's care more than equally, without expecting her to do more than him.
  3. He would have to accept any birth method she chose, whether natural, cesarean, or induced.
  4. He would have to agree to have a vasectomy after the pregnancy because she does not want more than one child and doesn't want to use hormonal contraceptive methods.

After presenting the conditions to her husband, he agreed with all of them – except getting a vasectomy.

“I asked for reasons since we wouldn't have any more children after this, but his responses were vague, fearing that something might go ‘wrong.’ I'm still holding onto these requirements, but I'm also starting to reconsider if he doesn't agree soon,” she wrote.

The popular post gained over 1,800 upvotes and over 3k comments from Reddit users voicing their own opinions on this complicated scenario. Turns out, most users are siding with the OP’s husband and calling the OP out for her true desires.

“girl if you don’t wanna have a baby just say that. ... also married for 9 years and yall never talked about kids??? it’s a conversation that should happen before marriage anyway. that’s bulls**t,” one user wrote.

“You clearly don't want a child, so don't have one. Go read some stories about regretful parents and maybe that'll make you wake up,” another said.

One user wrote, “Honestly, YTA because you are saying ‘no,’ but trying to get credit for ‘yes.’ If it's no, say no and deal with the consequences.”

Another echoed, “You need help reading the tea leaves, dear? It’s fairly clear. You may be done having children after this first one. He’s not sure at all that he is. Hope that helped. Do not have this first child. You need to not have children. He needs to run and find someone who wants children. You need to get your tubes tied instead of asking a guy to get a vasectomy. YTA,” they wrote.

Several users thought both sides of this story were ridiculous, wondering how in the hell two people have been married for nine years and never truly discussed having kids.

“There was no chance for them to discuss stuff like future children. They moved fast in the beginning, then apparently didn't talk for eight years. As if a list of demands wasn't proof enough that they don't communicate,” one user said.

Another echoed, “The fact that they’ve been married for nine years and never had a conversation about children is mind-blowing. What else have they not talked about? Tells me everything I need to know about their marriage.”

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