sad truth?

This Woman Says Some Husbands Will Never Change Because They Actually Don’t Care In “Harsh Truth” Video

“It doesn’t benefit him to change.”

A woman went viral for her "harsh" message to wives who are frustrated with lazy husbands, giving th...
@itsme_abbye / TikTok

I remember a time when my friend told me over dinner how her husband had been out of town for a week. “Oh how awful!” I said, thinking about how I’d be a lost puppy and overwhelmed AF without my husband as a partner for an entire week.

“No, it’s been amazing!” she said before explaining that her house was actually cleaner than when he was around. I was befuddled. Does he not clean up after himself...? I soon learned that he doesn’t really do much to help my friend around the house, leaving her to clean up his messes.

She told me that she had tried several times to get him to put in a better effort with the housework and child care, but after a couple days or weeks, he slips right back into his lax ways.

One TikTok mom, Abby Eckel, would sit my friend down and tell her to stop wasting her breath because her husband would never change his ways no matter how many times she tried to get through to him.

Her “tough love” TikTok video went viral, speaking to wives and partners who are frustrated with lazy husbands, giving the harsh reason for why their husbands won’t step up.

“This is going to sound harsh, but I think a lot of people actually just really need to hear the truth, and it’s because he doesn’t care. It doesn’t benefit him to change,” she says in her viral video.

“Approaching your husband again to discuss an issue, whether it’s household inequity, you not feeling considered, or you not feeling like he’s putting any time and effort into it, is likely going to fall on deaf ears because he’s been exploiting your time, your labor, your energy, and if he didn’t care when he started doing it, he’s not going to care now.”

She goes on to say that she knows that the conversations these women are having with their husbands are not the first. In fact, she knows that these conversations about inequity between partners are a perpetual problem in many marriages.

Eckel says that if you’ve brought up these issues once, and nothing changed, then, sorry to say, this guy is never going to change because there is no consequence for his lack of effort.

“Eventually, things are going to go back to how they were. You’re going to stop nagging him and he’s going to be fine with it. Until you bring it up again. And then again, nothing happens because there’s no consequences. So why would he want to change?” she says before comparing lazy husbands to kids who know their parents aren’t actually going to follow through with any sort of threat of punishment.

So, what is a partner in desperate need of some help to do when their husband won’t change?

“I’m not saying you should threaten to leave and upend your marriage at the very first sign of something going wrong, but if he doesn’t change the first time you bring it up, he doesn’t care and it’s not going to change,” Eckel says.

And while she doesn’t think divorce is the ultimate path, she does suggest setting healthy and realistic boundaries.

“This is the very reason I tell women who are early in relationships, and those that are single: start out as you mean to go on. This requires setting boundaries for yourself and the person you’re in a relationship with,” she wrote in the caption.

“Be clear and upfront on what you expect out of it, what you will and won’t do. Because the second you start cleaning up his place, or your shared space, doing his laundry, looking after and caring for pets without setting firm expectations, you’ll soon find yourself being the sole owner and doer of those tasks, and trying to set boundaries after the fact — AFTER a man has benefited from you doing it, isn’t likely to happen.”

This type of tough love talk might be hard for a lot of women to swallow because, duh, we all want to believe that the person we decided to marry and have kids with actually wants to change for us and make our lives easier, but sometimes, that just is not the case especially when life has been set up so comfy-cozy for them.

Eckel is right. Why in the hell would these men ever change?

After her video went viral, several TikTok users commented on the video, agreeing with Eckel’s assessment.

“Exactly. He didn’t care until I asked for a divorce. By then, I no longer cared,” one user wrote.

Another wrote, “My ex literally said ‘I never thought you’d actually leave. You always got over it.’”

“This was the 4 month cycle of my marriage. Then after 6yrs when I asked for a separation he cried and said he loved me so much and he didn’t want to lose me. 10 months later and nothing has changed,” another user wrote.

This is always the case, isn’t it? The men are “blindsided” by their wives’ final straw though they’ve been begging for change and repair for years. They’re all just too content mowing the lawn for six hours and watching golf on Sundays while his wife runs the whole household to notice.