After A Baby, Do Your Mom And Your Mother-In-Law Deserve Equal Access?
This parent argues that it makes sense that you’ll need your own mom more.
Most women can confidently say that they are closer to their parents than their in-laws. Sure, there are exceptions here and there, but for the most part, when it comes to your kids’ grandparents, your mom is probably getting top priority when it comes to postpartum life. And why shouldn’t she?
One mom wants to normalize the difference between a new mom’s relationship with her own mom and her mother-in-law being different instead of some toxic competition.
“Can we please normalize your relationship with your parents being different than your relationship with your in-laws when it comes to postpartum?” TikTok mom, Bri Knight, asked her followers.
“It doesn't need to be a competition. It doesn't need to be a war between mother-in-law and your mom. It doesn't need to be who met the baby first. It doesn't need to be who's been given more time with the baby. Postpartum is about the new mom and her partner and everybody healing and bonding.”
She goes on to say that there doesn’t need to be tension around appeasing in-laws during those stressful postpartum months. In fact, it should be understood that a new mom would want her mom around to help with laundry, breastfeeding, changing diapers, etc. over a mother-in-law who probably just wants to sit on the couch and hold the baby. It’s just a different relationship.
“There is no such thing in early postpartum as equal opportunity. It is whatever the mom needs. And if the mom needs her mom there to help change her diaper, to help her figure out breastfeeding, to be with her to clean her house, to do her laundry, to do whatever fresh postpartum, that is very different than your mother-in-law coming over to hold the baby for most hours,” she continued.
“It is a normal and should be an understandable thing when a woman wants her mom there during labor and delivery or during birth and she doesn't want her mother-in-law. That's normal.”
Knight then directed her thoughts towards mothers-in-law who make a new baby about themselves, asking them to redirect their priorities towards mom and baby. That’s the key to being let into a new mom’s inner circle, not guilt-tripping or berating.
“You want to be a support person during early postpartum for a mom that's pregnant. You should be making sure her entire pregnancy that you're doing every single thing possible to support her,” she said.
“The time does come for her to figure out who she wants to support her early postpartum. Your name is on the list. Postpartum is not the time to be tripping balls about who got to come over first, who got to hold the baby first, who got to spend the most time at the postpartum mom's house. It's not the time. It's the time to be quiet, be helpful where you can be, and to not make somebody's postpartum about you.”
Postpartum is such a sacred, personal, and vulnerable experience for a new parent, and who would want someone around who they weren’t comfortable baring it all with? Sometimes, we just want our mommies, and that should be okay!
