For The Millionth Time: No, I Don't F*cking Want Kids

by Poonum Desai
A woman holding her head while on the phone with annoyed look on her face
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No. I am not having kids. And I am tired of being nice about it.

It’s not up for debate. It’s not for you to convince me otherwise. It’s not up for fucking negotiation. It’s not for you to tell me why I am “missing out” on the “greatest experience of my life.” With no due respect, shut up. Just shut the absolute fuck up.

While there are infinite reasons why I do not want children, there is one universal reason why you should quit asking me: It. Is. None. Of. Your. Business.

Contrary to what we have been taught our whole lives, women are not only baby-making factories.

Women are leaders. Women are presidents. Women are CEOs. Women are vice presidents of places like The United States of America (although, low-key, about time). Beyond the obvious toxicity of always equating a woman’s worth to whether or not she has kids, this type of thinking has led to severe mental illnesses among women who want to be pregnant but can’t. It has led to women having children they don’t really want. It has placed a ridiculously absurd expectation for working moms to be superheroes and get paid less to do so.

And to be honest? To me, being a mom is a job that you say “Hell yeah!” to. If you shrug your shoulders and are like “Meh, why not?” or “Well I don’t really care for them but my partner does, so I guess we will have them,” I’m thinking you have some serious re-evaluating to do.

Every time this topic comes up, people think they will be the beacon of light to help me see the “right” way. “But what could be better? Where will you find your purpose?” Ok, call me crazy but if you pour the expectation of finding your life purpose in having kids, your kids are already saddled with a heavy burden before they are even born. Like, poor kids no fucking pressure man.

I want to pour purpose in myself. I want to check off everything on my bucket list. I want to accomplish all the goals I have for myself. Kids are not on any of those lists.

And that is okay.

If you want to have kids, I think that’s great. But it comes down to a fundamental of life: I have no problem if you want to do something, but respect the fact that I don’t. PERIOD.

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I respect that you’re a Christian. Respect that I do not share that faith.

I respect that you eat meat. Respect that I don’t.

I respect that you are in a polyamorous relationship. Respect that I prefer a monogamous one.

I respect that you drink. Respect that I don’t.

I respect that you smoke. Respect that I don’t.

I respect that you love and want kids. Respect that I don’t.

Unless I asked for your advice, I don’t want your unwanted advice. Unless I asked what being a parent is like, I don’t need to hear about your best moments with little Suzie, and that’s why I need to consider being a mom.

Believe it or not, I observe PLENTY about parenting on my own. That’s part of the reason why I don’t fucking want kids. I mean no offense, a child? In this economy? There are days where I eat sleep for dinner. I have no desire to raise a human because then I am responsible for disciplining them, teaching them values and morals, and I am very aware of how hard that is. With all due respect, I know hard being a parent is. As such, I really, really don’t want that job.

And please stop telling me I will change my mind. No, I won’t. Stop insulting my intelligence and ability to make decisions for myself.

If I sound angry, it’s because I am. I am annoyed and exhausted of having my worth reduced to whether or not I reproduce. We have a population crisis, for god’s sake. The world will be FINE if I do not add it. And as for “carrying on my legacy,” bro, I am Indian. There are literally a billion+ people that look like me who will carry on pretty much the same genetics that I have. And for the record, I am a firm believer that your child doesn’t have to share your blood to carry on your legacy.

Despite the fact that there are thousands of reasons why women don’t want children, for some reason this shit is still up for debate. And, for some reason, men always seem to have the loudest voice in this conversation. If there is one thing men have, it’s the audacity.

Furthermore, if I decide I want to have kids in the future, that is also my choice. I understand that having a child after 30 comes with a higher risk and can be a bit more complicated. I am aware of the fact that there are consequences for every action. But those consequences are my choice to bear. And if I decide to have children even later than 30, guess what? MY CHOICE.

So, in conclusion, when someone says they don’t want kids, the only thing you should respond with is “okay” and move on.