Parenting, According To Confucius

by Marnie Brodersen
Originally Published: 
A painting of Confucius

When navigating through the crazy roads of parenthood, do you ever think to yourself, “What would Confucius say?” Yeah, me neither, but it’s kind of funny to ponder. If the famous philosopher were alive today, he’d probably have some interesting nuggets of wisdom, and I’ve shared 15 of them below:

1. She who gives out her babysitter’s number is a stone-cold fool.

2. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can’t tell your child to stop picking his nose, as it’s futile.

3. To determine if clothes are clean, never smell them. You will regret it.

4. Finding a matching pair of shoes when you need to get out the door is as likely as finding a unicorn waiting to drive you.

5. Never be in a rush to get your child out of diapers, as the next step isn’t all rainbows and puppies either.

6. She who dares throw out her children’s artwork should sleep with one eye open.

7. Those who sit on the toilet without looking are destined for wet cheeks.

8. Waking a sleeping toddler is more dangerous than poking a bear. When it’s necessary, locate all the doors and exits first.

9. He who laughs last laughs the loudest. Unless you are in a room with a 4-year old. Then that person will automatically laugh the loudest, and usually at a fart joke.

10. You can lead a child to water but he will still ask you for it. Again and again. And again.

11. A bird in the hand may be worth two in the bush, but an empty nest is priceless.

12. A husband who refers to his time with the kids as “babysitting” will rarely (if ever) have sex.

13. Children are our future, which means our future includes never getting sleep. Ever.

14. Dare not sing along to your favorite car in the song lest you want the wrath from the backseat.

15. Behind every successful child is a mom who’s doing her homework.

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