Should My Tween Have A Phone Or A Watch?

I’ve been worried about my kids and technology ever since I was pregnant with my first in 2013. When they’re little, you worry about screen time and educational programming and not rotting out their tiny little imaginative brains with Netflix. As they grow, you worry about cyberbullying and online predators and social media. It never seems to end, and as my eldest becomes an official tween, I’m stuck in a big tech loop: Should my tween have a phone or a watch?

Let me be clear: I only want my tween to have this because she’s headed off to middle school this fall, and our middle school is located in the middle of our incredible downtown area. She would be able to walk to the donut shop, to the chocolate store for ice cream, to the library. She and her friends could hang out on the green area downtown, walk to the playground, or grab a milkshake and burger after a practice or play rehearsal. I want her to have that independence and freedom — but I also want to know where she is. And I want to be in contact with her.

Originally, a watch made the most sense to my husband and me. We had already decided that a phone from us would never be a gift, and it would only go with her when she’s not with us. She wouldn’t just have it on her person all the time (she already has an iPad with games and music), and it would be put up in the house when she’s home.

But then we thought about how difficult it can be to use a watch to text, and I also know how much my girl loves taking pictures and videos of herself and her friends. Plus, would a watch become an everyday accessory? Should we let her wear it whenever, since it’s not really used for apps?

Then there’s the fear of her losing or setting down a phone. At least a watch is always on her wrist, but aren’t tweens notorious for losing things? So then, which one do we choose?

Oh no, I’ve gone cross-eyed.

If you’re in a similar boat, there are fortunately experts who have done a lot of research — and have a lot of data at their fingertips — to offer us the pros and cons of a phone versus a watch for our teens.

Leslie Tyler, Director of Parent Education and Chief Mom for Pinwheel, a kids’ tech company with its own phone and watch available for kids, tells Scary Mommy that there is “quite a bit of research about the risks of smartphones, which are mostly driven by the apps such as social media, cameras and image texting, and using the phone instead of doing other more healthy and productive activities.”

But while she says she’s not aware of any research regarding watches or comparing the two, she believes that if a phone’s issues — and your own personal fear of your child having a phone — are related to apps, that would be lessened with giving your child a watch. “Every child and family situation is unique, so we advise parents to consider why they're buying the device — what functionality are they looking for — their child's propensity to get distracted and sucked into a device, and the amount of time they want to spend managing the device before making a decision that's right for their family.”

In other words, seriously look at what you want your child to get out of this technology. Is it just for them to contact you after baseball practice? Will they be allowed to use it at home? Do they want one for their hobbies, like making videos, listening to music, or taking photos?

“The primary consideration is what functionality the child needs, other than GPS tracking, calling, and texting, which both devices typically do,” Tyler says. “Phones have millions of available apps, so they can be used for mobile payments, maps, games, learning, and browsing the web if the parent chooses. Generally, watches include only a few apps, such as simple games, a camera, and fitness tracking. The increased functionality that comes with more apps is both a pro and a con — the child can do more things, but it also makes phones more distracting, requiring more self-regulation.”

Tyler adds that calling and texting are more limited on a watch than on a phone since the screen is so small. If your child is big into texting, they may find themselves frustrated with a phone. You also may feel frustrated with a watch, as Tyler points out that there are major differences among watch products in how calling and texting work. Some may have voice-to-text capabilities, while other watches only allow “pre-programmed text messages, or only communicate via a parent app and not SMS.” It’s also worth noting that unless your child is always near WiFi with their watch, they may need cellular data to be tracked via GPS and to contact you.

And, as my husband and I also thought, Tyler suggests considering your child’s responsibility with valuables before making a decision. “Watches are harder to lose and generally less expensive to replace.”

So, like most parenting questions, this one really depends on you and your kid. If you just want them to be tracked and send you a “Please pick me up by the library” text when they’re not with you, a watch may be your best bet. If you want them to have a device they can use for photos and easier communication with friends, then maybe a phone is what they need. And from there, you can have a family discussion on phone responsibility, apps, distractions, and move forward.

But above all, communication is the most important thing — both on the devices and off. And the more you can talk about it with your kids and family, the better everyone will feel about that decision.