Kids Need To Be Praised 100 Times A Day For Parents To See Behavioral Changes, Says Doctor & Parent Coach

One time, I heard someone say, “If you speak to them like a king, a king will appear,” meaning the way you address someone influences their behavior and potential, encouraging them to rise to the occasion. If you treat people with respect, confidence, and speak belief into their potential, you can inspire them to act in accordance with that elevated perception. This can be especially true for kids, but how much do we actually need to be speaking to our kids like kings?

Spoiler alert, it’s way more than you think!

According to Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta, we’re not praising our kids enough unless we are praising them 100 times a day. Yes, that’s right, 100 times a day!

Now, if you’re thinking to yourself, I don’t even talk to my kid enough to praise them 100 times a day. You are not alone! But Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta says the science backs up this large number.

One hundred praises a day is the level at which psychologists see clinically significant differences in behavior.

“When your child hears 100 times a day, again and again and again, what they do well, what they do well becomes the memory that they have in their brain and body, and they do it more because they've had so many experiences of having it reinforced,” she explains.

And the opposite is also true, says Hauge-Zavaleta.

“When your child receives a lot of negative instruction again and again or just not the positive again and again, the thing that grows is the response to that reactivity. Instead of practicing getting body memories of doing things the right way, they practice reacting and being explosive.”

She says that this praise tactic is even more significant for neurodivergent children.

According to Hauge-Zavaleta, neurodivergent children hear 20,000 more negative directions than their neurotypical peers by age 10.

“The playing field is not equal. They're going to have more reactive experiences because they're more constantly being told they're doing the wrong thing,” she says.

That’s extremely hard to hear, but she says all hope is not lost. She says this kind of negative speak can be course-corrected by parents, but...it’s going to be intensive.

“In order to do it, you're going to have to praise your kid 462 times every single day,” she advises.

Yes, every single day, she suggests praising your kid almost 500 times! Surely, that seems impossible, but with one quick trick, called “sportscaster praise,” Hauge-Zavaleta says it’s possible.

“Sportscaster praise” is where you narrate and label everything your child does well throughout the day.

“You will retrain your focus to all the places your child is rocking it. And you will make sure your child feels the shift,” the parenting coach said in another video on Instagram.

In a segment on sportscasting for parents, a Headspace expert said: “It’s simply commenting on what is happening right in front of you. Imagine sitting at the table with your child as they color. That’s a moment to just announce what’s happening: ‘Wow, you’re really focusing on coloring there. Look at how much attention you are paying.’”

Other phrases that can work as sportscaster phrases are as follows:

• “You remembered to say thank you."
• "You're using your inside voice."
• "You put your plate in the sink."
• "You're putting your clothes in the hamper."
• "You're getting your water bottle for bedtime."
• "You remembered to push in your chair."
• "You're asking for help with the difficult word."
• "You're looking for patterns in the problem."
• "You're showing your sister the game."
• "You're putting your homework in your folder."
• "You're introducing yourself to a teammate."
• "You're taking turns speaking in the conversation."
• "You're holding the door without rushing through."

See the full list of Hauge-Zavaleta’s examples of “sportscaster praise” for parents here.