The Big Reason Emily Oster Doesn't Go To Kids' Birthday Parties
How would you RSVP?
Kids’ birthday parties are way less fun as a parent than they are to kids. That’s a hard fact of adulthood. You’ve probably sighed upon receiving a classmate’s birthday invitation at least once, but have you ever just thought, f*ck it, let’s not? Well, one mom did.
Occasionally controversial ParentData writer Emily Oster joined the We Met At Acme podcast, and shared with host Lindsey Metselaar why her family largely forgoes weekend birthday festivities.
Oster explained that her anti-birthday party stance isn’t so much about the celebrations themself, but about deciding to prioritize other ways to spend limited weekend hours.
“For our family, this idea of prioritizing some time that the four of us can spend together that is family time, that's very central, and that’s not everybody's thing, but that's our thing. And once we have that, it sort of rules out many other things,” she said.
“It's not that I'm categorically opposed to the concept of a birthday party. If there were a Sunday afternoon birthday party, which is a time at which we don't generally do things as a family, I would be happy to let my kid go if they wanted,” Oster continued. “But if the birthday party is Sunday morning, which is a time that we like to go hiking or do other stuff together, it's just no.”
Oster said that having family time scheduled in on the weekends, and not subject to change, creates a simplicity that works for her family.
“It's just like we decided a thing that was important, and this other thing is less important because we said this first thing was the most important,” she said.
The majority of the comments fell pretty handedly against Oster.
“Sounds more like mom doesn’t want to change her personal lifestyle for her kids,” one user said. “She wants to hike, the kids would likely rather be at a birthday party for a friend.”
“Helping your kids have friends, which covers a huge range of behaviors, is one of your main jobs as a parent. I'm always shocked by how some brag about the anti social behaviors they are instilling,” said another.
“My mom was like this,” shared one user. “Eventually if you deny enough parties, people will just stop inviting your child. It was very sad for me.”
However, a few users stepped in to defend her.
“Mine are 19/17/15. I wasn’t a no all the time but agree here, majority no’s on bday parties. All of mine played very serious travel sports, time felt sacred, had to sacrifice somewhere & happy we did,” one user said.
“I completely agree with her. We live in manhattan and my husband works all week long, the weekends are the only time we have together as a family,” said another.
Family time is certainly important, but I’m not sure if a rigid weekend schedule is the answer to ensuring it. A little bit of flexibility can go a long way for maintaining friendships, and being a good member of your village.
