Forget Leggings And Sex Toys, These Are The Home Parties Moms Really Want To Attend

There are a million ways to throw a party, and a million types of parties to throw. Nowadays, it seems like most moms are all about online parties selling things like leggings (what’s up LuLaRoe!), skincare, books, teas, and all-natural cleaning products. While all of those things are absolutely wonderful, I have to ask the question: Is that all there is? Seriously? I mean, the possibilities are literally endless.

Sometimes I want a party where it’s not about making a sale, but just having a party. You know, like one of those wine and painting parties. I can’t paint for crap and would probably really suck it up after a couple glasses of chardonnay, but who cares? It’s not always about the end result. I know I can’t be the only one. So here are just a few parties that I wish I could see, either in person or online:

Cheese Tasting Party

Anyone who tells you that they don’t love cheese is totally fucking lying to you or delusional. Cheese is amazing, and you will get me to give it up when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands. This is probably my inner Ina Garten talking, but how awesome would it be to have everyone bring their favorite cheese, some crackers, meats, and fruit. You can display them on nice boards or plates and have an excuse to be fancy. Wine optional.

Netflix and Literally Chill Party

Everyone picks a movie, grabs their favorite snack, some pj’s and syncs up so that you’re watching the movie at the exact same time. Create a group chat to freak out about whatever is happening in the movie. This way, no one can yell at you for talking during the movie — that’s the whole point. And you can see a movie without having to get dressed and leave the house.

“Real Housewives” Party

Everyone gets together dressed as their favorite Housewife; lots of fake jewelry and cleavage. You can get “housewife wasted,” yell about absolute nonsense, and maybe throw a drink in someone’s face (as a joke of course). Bonus points if you want to go all out with the theme and pick a specific location (I’m partial to Orange County and Atlanta). Whoever brings the cutest tiny dog or most henpecked husband gets a party prize.

Massage Parties

Nothing brings more bliss than a massage, especially with those fun chairs. Everyone gets a nice, tension relieving massage. Followed by a margarita — massage and margarita — that seems like a fun theme, right?

Clothing Swap Party

Everyone brings clothes they don’t wear (or uploads them into a group album) and then you can shop each other’s closets. You get new clothes and get to clean out your closets at the same time! Okay, so you may not actually clear out any additional space in your closet, but at least you won’t feel guilty about having spent any money.

Recipe Party

Since so many of us post about our meal prep or share our food porn on social media, how nice would it be to set up a party where people can swap recipes? You can even bring samples of what the recipe is supposed to look and taste like or try making some of them as a group.

Slumber Parties

Because grown-up ladies like slumber parties too. Unicorn onesies? Yes, please! You could do it totally old school with pillow fights, baking chocolate chip cookies, Ouija boards, Truth or Dare, and pancakes in the morning.

Home Renovation Parties

Not like, help me with the drywall in my basement, but painting your bedroom or living room, reupholstering a couch or chair, or renovating an old piece of furniture. Or you could just watch HGTV and drink.

Beauty Parties

Everyone could chip in and get a couple stylists from the local blowout bar to come and give everyone a fresh ‘do, or you can do DIY face masks that you found on Pinterest. Either way.

Exercise Parties

For those who can’t bring themselves to exercise on their own (raises hand), get a group of friends to go together and make an event of it. Take a spin class or go take a beginners yoga class. Then afterward you can go have food. Because you earned it.

Parties don’t have to be structured around someone selling something to you, and they don’t have to be celebrating a milestone either. Now pass me that margarita, and get me someone to work this kink out of my neck.