A little white lie probably won’t hurt your kid, and this Twitter thread proves it
When I was pretty young, my dad told my brothers and I that it was illegal to order pizza if there were leftovers in the fridge. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that’s not even a little bit true, and that was just a white lie Dad told us because we loved ordering pizza and pestered him to do it every. Single. Night.
Can you blame him for telling a harmless alternative fact to get his kids off his back? Probably not, because it turns out the kind of white lie my dad told is insanely common.
Writer Nicole Cliffe told a similar white lie to her kids in an effort to get them to eat some healthy snacks — that is, until the babysitter accidentally blew her cover. Cliffe posted about it on Twitter, writing, “We had so many great months of the kids thinking that Scooby Snacks were plain whole wheat crackers, and then a babysitter bought a box of Scooby fruit snacks and the whole system collapsed in under three minutes.”
We had so many great months of the kids thinking that Scooby Snacks were plain whole wheat crackers, and then a babysitter bought a box of Scooby fruit snacks and the whole system collapsed in under three minutes.
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) January 23, 2018
And now, the replies to that tweet have become a hilarious treasure trove of anecdotes of the harmless white lies parents tell their kids.
They range from simple, like
To hilariously complex, like the parents who invented a very particular burglar to target a noisy toy:
My folks ripped the voice box out of a talking Bugs Bunny, SEWED IT BACK UP, told me thieves broke in the house while 3-y-o Ken slept. I believed we’d been victims of incredibly selective burglars until I was *18* and told my gf the story.— Ken Walczak (@eckneippen) January 23, 2018
This mom had a genius excuse for eating her kids’ Halloween candy:
My mother told me when I was little that there was a “body surface area ratio” rule for candy such that the bigger body surface area you had, the more candy you could eat, which is why she claimed 2/3rds of my Halloween candy ever6 year. The ratio doesn’t lie.— bag of moons (@bagofmoons) January 23, 2018
There’s these parents who didn’t want to spend every waking minute at Disneyland:
My aunt and uncle live 20 minutes from Anaheim and the first time they took their three sons to Disneyland they drove 4 hours out of the way so the kids wouldn’t know it was basically in their backyard.— Mags (@Magsmorris) January 23, 2018
It actually turns out avoiding Disneyland was a common thing.
My brother in law grew up thinking there was a part of Disneyland that was an open field where you just went to fly remote control planes because his dad was an evil genius— elyse (@elyseanoush) January 23, 2018
Dealing with the death of a pet can be hard for a kid, so maybe try this story instead:
My parents told me my goldfish ran away to be with his mom and I believed them for years!— Liz Charboneau (@lizchar) January 23, 2018
Or control their sugar intake with this tried and tested trick:
I told my kids we could legally only drink soft drinks on “soda days” which were Friday and Saturday & this lasted until they were teens but now neither one drinks soft drinks so I win.— Little Hunting Creek (@kathilatte) January 23, 2018
Need to control a kid’s outbursts? Here’s one way:
As a child My mother convinced me that you had to wait your turn to be upset and throw a tantrum. I’d basically “take a number” and she’d send me to wait in my room. After 1/2 an hour she’d inform me it was my turn but I wasn’t mad anymore. What gets me is I believe her!— Drewski fights Fascism (@worldstoforge) January 23, 2018
These parents were clearly just trying to save their kid from the dangers of processed foods!
At the end of the day, what makes all these posts so hilarious is how relatable they are — everyone has a story about a little white lie their parents told them. Sure, lying to your kids is a little bit wrong. But we all turned out OK, right?