10 Perks of Being Pregnant

There are women out there who love being pregnant. They love watching their belly grow to mammoth proportions. They love nesting. They love strangers patting what is essentially their uterus and telling them they’re glowing.

I was not one of those women. The only time I ever appeared to be glowing was shortly after an intense battle with morning sickness (which I lost) and the “glow” was merely the fluorescent lighting ricocheting off of my sweaty face.

Still, though, there are some perks of being pregnant that I miss.

1. Maternity clothes. It took me forever to get on the maternity clothes bandwagon and now I’m sad I’ll never ride it again. The fact that there’s an entire line of clothes designed to be as comfortable and stretchy as possible is a true gift from the stork. I still keep a pair of maternity jeans around for days where I know I’ll be eating a lot like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Friday night, whatever.

2. The kindness of strangers. No seat available on the bus? No worries! Just moan a bit and lean forward while rubbing your stomach. Maybe stumble a little. That should get the attention of at least one decent human being who will gladly stand in your place. Problem solved.

3. Eating whatever I wanted. While pregnant with my daughter, ninety-percent of my diet was comprised of instant mashed potatoes and orange juice. And no one could judge me because, hello, pregnant!

4. I was allowed, and even encouraged, to sleep all I wanted. “Well, I know it’s only 11 a.m. and I just got out of bed an hour ago, but hey, Mama’s tired and baby wants me to sleep until 3, then have a snack, and perhaps head back to my cozy comforter for a few more hours before devouring an entire cow for dinner.”

5. The belly shelf. A pregnant belly is the perfect place to set your plate, cup, TV remote, tablet, book, small woodland creature, or anything else you need to make yourself comfortable since we all know that once you find a comfortable position you stay there until you absolutely, positively, have to pee. Again.

6. The built-in excuse to not eat something. “Honey, this salad looks really great. Thank you so much for taking the time to make it. Unfortunately, the smell of the dressing is making me a little sick. I think I’ll just make some nachos instead. I appreciate it, though!”

7. An explanation for my heavy breathing. By the time I was eight months pregnant, getting off the toilet made me wheeze and gasp for air. I was concerned for people walking in front of me because if the sidewalk started heading downhill there was a good chance I’d go rolling right into them bowling-ball-to-pin style. Now if I’m breathing hard it’s because I haven’t seen the inside of a gym in years.

8. The out of control hormones which justified my meltdowns. I don’t necessarily miss the tears over my husband putting too much butter on my toast (oh who am I kidding? There’s no such thing!) but I do miss having a medically sound reason for throwing tantrums that would put my toddler’s versions to shame. Nowadays if I freak out it’s because… well, because I’m a mom.

9. No period! At first I thought this would be a huge money saver since those feminine hygiene products come with a price, but then I realized I was making up for it with all the toilet paper I was using while peeing every thirty seconds. Still, not bleeding from my crotch for nine months was a nice little perk.

10. Having a baby inside of you. Not only can you feel your soon to be outside baby kick and roll and move around which is kind of cool, but you can also breathe a sigh of relief because while the baby’s inside of you they can’t run into the street or fail out of college or move back home with you when they’re forty-five. They’re safe and warm and you have no reasons to worry… yet.

Related post: Savoring The End Of Pregnancy