Did you know “International Talk Like A Pirate Day” is September 19? That’s right. The pirate’s life and language is so popular, it warrants its very own “holiday.” Whether you’re here on September 19th or just looking for some laughs for a pirate-obsessed kiddo, you’ve come to the right place. Pulling from their well-known grunts and even picking at their lack of limbs, all of these pirate jokes are Grade A material for fun family laughs. At least for the kiddos.
Pirate Jokes Pt. 1
1. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think, therefore they ARRRR!
2. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
3. How do you save a dying pirate?
4. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
5. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ye left him.
6. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
He needed a little arrrrg and arrrg
7. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?
8. Where do pirates keep their valuables?
In a jarrrrr
9. What do you call a pirate with both eyes and all his limbs?
10. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers!
11. Why’d the pirate join Gold’s Gym?
To improve his booty
12. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
He bought it on sail.
13. How do you turn a pirate furious?
Take away the “p.”
14. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved.
15. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
16. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
17. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
18. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
19. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?
20. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
Because booty is only shin deep
Pirate Jokes Pt. 2
21. Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
22. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C.
23. Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store?
He needed a new ipatch
24. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
25. What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate?
Barry D. Treasure
26. Why does the pirate carry his sword?
Because swords can’t walk. Duh.
27. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg.
28. To err is human. To arr pirate.
29. What’s a pirate use his cell phone for?
30. Where do pirates go for a drink?
31. What do you call a stupid pirate?
The pillage idiot
32. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
Because he was standing on the deck.
33. What’s a pirates favourite part of a song?
34. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
35. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A pumpkin patch.
36. Why type of socks do pirates wear?
37. What did the first mate send down the toilet?
The Captain’s log!
38. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
Aye matey years old!
39. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
40. Why did the pirate cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop
41. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
Because they already have all the booty!
42. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.
43. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
44. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?