'Spice Up Your Life' Because Platforms Are Back, Bitches

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Steve Madden / Instagram

Platforms have been around forever because people have been obsessed with increasing their height since the beginning of time.

And here we are again, lovers. Full circle. Platforms are back, bitches.

@targetdoesitagain / Instagram

In the late ’30s, they were worn by Beverly Hills elite. In the ’60s and ’70s, they came back around in a big way and were worn mostly by teens and young women, although some men dabbled in platform fashion as well. They give you the height without being quite as painful as regular heels and pumps.

Let’s not forget the ’90s platform craze inspired by the amazing Spice Girls.

And here we are in 2017, and they are starting to crop up everywhere. As always, with every fashion trend, the reviews are mixed. My tween daughter took one look at a pair sitting in Target (her favorite place to shop) and made the most disgusted look you’ve ever seen. And this girl loves following fashion trends.

Meanwhile, I almost flew over my cart, dropping my caffeinated bevy trying to grab a sexy gold pair and try them on. She was even too embarrassed to snap a few pictures of me wearing them.

I am still not sure if I wanted these bad boys because of the height-enhancing effects or because they made me nostalgic as fuck.

I specifically remember buying my first pair of platforms right after college in the ’90s during my lunch break. I had a job in the fashion industry and was making real money, and I had to look the part. My platforms were basically a write-off, and I loved how they made me look tall and lean but were more comfortable than my spike heels. They paired so nicely with my bootcut jeans and flared leggings. I wore them as much as possible. If I loved a pair of pants but they were too long, I bought them anyway knowing they would look great with my bulky footwear.

And you bet your ass when I sat down to watch Melrose Place, Beverly Hills 90210, or flip through my favorite fashion magazine and everyone else was wearing the trendy platforms, too, I felt on fleek.

Did I ever hurt myself? I might have twisted an ankle, fell on my face, and had a handful of gnarly blisters.

Are they clunky and heavy? Perhaps. A small price to pay for a shoe that makes you have legs for miles though.

Some may look at these and wonder what is happening here. With a heel that is thick, with no arch, and which doesn’t appear to bend when you move your feet, I understand. Then there are those who dig them and will rush to their favorite store to snag a pair. I have to tell you, in my local Target there were only two pairs left. The woman in the shoe department told me she was surprised to see them sell out so quickly since she was “afraid of them.”

Steve Madden even relaunched his iconic sandals that were wildly popular in the ’90s. If you were a teen or in your 20s the first time these slip-on platforms graced us with their presence, you most definitely had a pair. And didn’t you love the way you felt when you wore them? I simply could not wear a pair of shorts, or a denim mini-skirt, without these fuckers. It just didn’t feel right.

You may think you aren’t that into them, but once you slip them on, you may change your mind. There is something about sliding your foot into a shoe which gives you an extra 4 inches that is super-satisfying. Who doesn’t want an instant leg-lengthener and butt lift?

I’m not sure that I can pull these off since I’m in my 40s now, and I’ve heard if you live to see a trend come around for a second time, you should stay away. But also? I’ve given my middle finger to fashion rules of any kind, and I do whatever the hell I want. I say if you dig the platforms, wear ’em like the sexy goddess you are.

Like it or not, platforms are back. So if you need a little boost, you know where to find it — your favorite shoe store.

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