To My Son, Thank You For Smiling Through My Postpartum Depression

by Amy Clarke for The Mighty
postpartum depression and anxiety
nensuria / iStock

When you’re suffering from postpartum depression, unfortunately life can become focused on you getting better. It can make you feel guilty, like you’re not being the best mom for your baby.

If you too have postpartum depression, please don’t let this guilt fool you. You’re doing the best job you possibly can, and if you are on your journey to recovery, you’re taking the right steps to become an even more amazing mother.

This is a letter to my son, who has always been there with his smile throughout my journey.

Dear son,

After you were born, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. Please never think this was your fault—it was 100 percent not. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I really would like to thank you.

Thank you for putting up with me. I’m sorry I didn’t smile as much as I’d like, but you must know your smile brings joy to me every day.

Thank you for all you have taught me. You might not know it yet, but you have brought the most amazing lessons into my life. As your mom, I might appear to know everything, but I want you to know that I don’t. I’m still learning, every day and every moment. Our relationship is a two-way street, and as you will see, I’ll give you as much knowledge as I can, but please don’t stop teaching me.

Thank you for giving me some direction. Before you, I was just plodding along in life, mostly trying to please others. You have given me the motivation and determination to follow my dreams. You have brought meaning to my life and given me direction. I’d be lost without you.

Thank you for being patient with me. There were many times when I would have loved to have been more involved with you. However, my depression made it hard for me to move. I will forever be grateful for your patience. Always know that I love you; sometimes I just need some time.

Thank you for being so determined. If it wasn’t for your determination to get what you wanted, I would have been quite clueless. There have been times when you’ve been difficult to settle, but I know that’s because you’re trying so hard to communicate what you need to me.

Thank you for all the insights you have given me. Without you, I would never have seen the world as I see it today. I am truly grateful for this, and I will pass onto you what I can.

Thank you for being my son. I promise I will always do the best I can for you. Your dad and I will always be here for you.

Finally, thank you for always being my shining star.

Love you, my baby.