A woman learned she was five weeks pregnant post-Tinder hookup, and Reddit is on her side for wanting to keep the baby and raise them solo.
Surprise pregnancies can inspire a range of emotions: joy, terror, complete shock, or, more often than not, a wild mixture of the aforementioned feelings and then some. A woman who learned she was pregnant five weeks after hooking up with a Tinder date asked Reddit if she was in the wrong for wanting to keep the child and raise them herself, even though her Tinder date made it clear that he does not want to be a dad.
“Is it morally wrong to have this baby?” the OP titled her post in the r/BabyBumps subreddit. “[J]ust found out last week that I'm (29F) 5 weeks pregnant with my tinder hookups (32M) baby. I did let him know and he has pretty much begged me not to have the kid and to get an abortion. He claims he can't even take care of himself and doesn't want kids. He told me it's not right for me to have it when [the child] will only ever have one parent,” she explained.
Letting the other person involved in a surprise pregnancy, especially when the other person is someone thought of as a “tinder hookup” and not a potential longterm partner, can be tough, but it seems like OP did the right thing in doing so. The OP then went on to explain that while she doesn’t expect anything from the father, she still wants the child and has the means to support them as a single mom, as she has been doing with her first child who is now 10 years old.
“I make 6 figures, own my home, my car, and have been the sole provider for my 10-year-old her entire life. I'm not worried about the same things he is. My question is of a more.....moral nature. Side note...I've wanted another baby a long time. Years,” she said.
“Would it be wrong of me to have this kid and just never tell him? I don't know how to move forward from [this],” she ended the post. And Reddit seemed to feel that as long as the father was aware of her choice, she should keep the pregnancy if it is something she really wants.
“I think he deserves to know the kid exists but maybe just make it clear he doesn't need to be involved at all? I don't think you're morally wrong for keeping a baby you know you can provide a loving and safe home for. I think it's ridiculous to expect people to only have children under the most ideal of circumstances and having just one parent isn't the end of the world,” reads one comment with nearly 2,000 upvotes.
Many other advised that the woman have the father’s wishes, whether they are to not be involved in child’s life in any capacity or provide child support, in writing before moving forward. “He seems clear in his choice about the matter and I feel that it's fair to take that into consideration and provide him the security of knowing legally he gave up all rights and responsibilities by you choosing to have the child anyway,” noted one Redditor.
While many seemed to be empathetic towards the tinder hookup’s feelings, Redditors also acknowledged that it wasn’t like he went into the situation unaware that one of the potential side effects of sex is this whole pregnancy thing. “I’m sure tinder hookup will not like this because if his child is born then he has to spend eternity thinking about the fact that HE DOES have a child he doesn’t know. So of course he’s against it…but you will give this baby a great life if that’s what you choose, OP!”
Other Redditors offered encouragement to the OP, telling their own success stories of being raised by or being a single parent. Even more noted that coming from a two-parent home doesn’t automatically equate to a healthy childhood.
“Families come in SO many shapes and sizes. A happy baby is not defined by a mother & father. It is defined by a space in which they are loved, valued, cared for, treated with respect and kindness,” reads one poignant comment. “That can look like a LOT of things- a grandparent, a mother, a father, 2 dads, 2 moms, a 2 moms a dad and a grandmother. There are SO many ways to build a family — and it doesn’t have to only be a mom and a dad.”
At the end of the day, deciding whether or not to keep a pregnancy is a choice of the person who is pregnant, especially if the other person involved actively does not want to be a part of the child’s life and the pregnant person has made it clear they do not expect any form of support.