10 Things I Want My Sons To Know

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raising boys
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When the world gave me two beautiful sons, I knew right away how I wanted to raise them. And because I have encountered quite a few assholes in my life, I knew what I didn’t want to do when it comes to raising boys. I am sure they will still be assholes sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I am not going to try to prevent it. This is what I want them to know:

1. Size doesn’t matter.

Yes, I am talking about your penis and your biceps, but I am also talking about your bank account. Someone will always have more than you. Don’t focus on having the biggest or best of everything. Spend your time focusing on other shit, like being a good human being. Surround yourself with those who genuinely like you for you and don’t give a fuck about your material possessions. They will be your true friends.

2. Don’t drive like an asshole.

I don’t care if you just got your license and are cruising around with your buddies, or you are able to slap down the cheddar for a gun-metal gray Porsche. Don’t drive like an asshole. You are not invincible. You are not the only person on the road. You are not going to impress anyone.

3. Be clear to women you are intimate with.

If you put your hands on someone and they say no, even if they just said yes, they mean no. If they are not able to talk, walk, or open their eyes, there should never be a question in your mind that the answer is no. And if you ever decide to do something that will land you in front of a judge, you can bet your ass I will not be by your side asking them to go easy on you. You will be on your own because I believe the second someone decides they are in charge of another person’s body, they deserve to face whatever is coming to them, alone. Just because I am your mother and you changed my life does not mean I will try to cushion the blow and undo damage that you have caused. You do not have the right to anyone’s body but your own.

I would like to think you will only be intimate with girls you are in a relationship with, but I am not an idiot. If you don’t want a commitment outside of a one-time fling, be very clear. If you want to be in a relationship, be very clear about that too. It can be hard to put yourself out there, but don’t let someone walk away because you were too afraid to be vulnerable. Also, don’t let someone walk away thinking you want more from them than you really do.

4. Notice.

Take note of things. Be aware. If it is a beautiful night, go out and look at the stars. If you see something that needs to be done for someone and you are capable, do it. If your partner gets a haircut, has PMS, or says they could totally go for some chocolate, take note.

5. You will go far if you are kind and generous.

Be a generous tipper, donate to charity, and give your time and your gifts. You never know who you will meet and the lives you can change by being kind and generous. Everyone you meet is going through something—remember that on the days you feel like flipping them off.

6. Don’t bother caring what other people think about you.

Don’t conform. You do you. Own who you are. If people are not doing something you want to do, sometimes that is even more of a reason to do it.

7. Marry someone who rocks your soul.

If you choose to get married, don’t settle. Don’t worry if I will like them. If they make you happy, that is enough. Just make sure they make you truly happy, bring you laughter, and really encourage you. Most of all, make sure they bring out something in you that nobody else can.

8. Don’t be afraid to get emotional.

There is nothing more attractive than a man who is in touch with his emotions. If you want to cry while watching a Disney movie, then you should. Don’t hold that shit in.

9. Ask for help when you need it.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help. Surround yourself with people who will want to help you when you need it. Just remember to return the favor.

10. Actions speak louder than words.

If you say you are going to do something, then do it. And before you go opening your mouth to make promises, ask yourself if you are really serious. I am not just talking about calling a girl or helping a friend move; I mean the big things in life. If you said you would do it, then you should.

You are not what you say you will do. You are what you do. Don’t try to be a perfect man. Just be a good man, a decent man. Remember, people forget a lot of things, but they never forget the way you make them feel.

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