50+ Real Estate Jokes & Puns To Take The Edge Off Buying (Or Selling) A Home

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Family opening boxes in new home — real estate jokes
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The real estate market has been pretty bonkers this year. There’s a good chance you’ve been looking for a house or even considered putting your home up for sale based on the price increases. No matter what, it’s been a solid year for real estate agents. And that means they should be able to handle a couple of real estate jokes thrown their way.

Real estate jokes and real estate puns are a great way to help ease the pressure off of anyone who’s currently looking at listings, wondering why homes are closing so quickly. When you’re looking to make such a significant investment, it’s important to be in love with what you buy — especially when it’s the place you plan to raise your family. But right now, people are willing to make some pretty hefty sacrifices to become a homeowner. It’s quite a stressful time for people who keep getting outbid at the last minute. So, a little levity could be precisely what’s needed, whether you’re the one stressing over your family’s potential new digs or you want to make a friend laugh who’s going through the same.

But another obvious audience for real estate puns and jokes? Real estate agents. At this point, most of them are on top of their game, ready to get the paperwork signed. They might have heard some of these before, but they’ll appreciate them.

So, if you know anyone who matches one of those descriptions, send one of these real estate jokes their way. It might not ease the pain, but it’ll definitely help.

Real Estate Jokes and Puns, On the House!

  1. How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?

She showed her some manors.

  1. What are sophisticated realtors known for?

Constantly telling you all about proper tea.

  1. What room in your house are zombies most afraid of?

The living room.

  1. How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?


  1. Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?

It had a window pane.

  1. How do you make a million dollars in real estate?

You start out with two million.

  1. My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.

I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.

  1. Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean side mansion?

It was too current.

  1. Why would a real estate business never close down?

Since it’ll never be out of commission.

  1. I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…

You can’t win a mall.

  1. Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?

Because he wanted to be a secret agent.

  1. Which Star Wars character would make the best Realtor?

Land-o Calrissian.

  1. What kind of house does Chuck Norris own?

A roundhouse.

  1. What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?


  1. What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?

He sells you the engagement ring.

  1. Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?

The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.

  1. A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
  2. Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?

They can flip houses whenever they want!

  1. What does a house wear?


  1. What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?

Sherlock Homes.

  1. What does a British real estate agent care most about?

His proper tea.

  1. I have no problem with listings with finished basements.

They’re my best cellars!

  1. What did the real estate agent who moonlights in photography tell his client?

“I’m not a photographer, but I can picture you in this house.”

  1. Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?

“A Whole Lot Of Love.”

  1. How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?

Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.

  1. While buying a house, don’t consult a realtor.

Almost all houses have cellars in them.

  1. Why are graveyards so desperate to leave the real estate business?

Because cemeteries are a dying industry.

  1. When it comes to board games about buying real estate…

Hasbro truly has the Monopoly.

  1. The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.

You need nine lives to pay it off.

  1. What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?

“For Lease Navidad.”

  1. Why did the real estate agent buy a skateboard?

So they could flip it.

  1. Which genre of music do realtors love listening to the most?

House music.

  1. You just can’t trust real estate developers.

They’re always busy with plots and schemes.

  1. How did the realtor compliment his wife?

He said, “Values of real estate will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”

  1. What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?


  1. Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?

It was last but not leased.

  1. My realtor sold me a two-story house.

One story before the offer, another story after the offer.

  1. Why do appraisers carry a wasp in their hand?

Value is in the eye of the bee holder.

  1. What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?

She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.

  1. Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?

He was a loaner.

  1. It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns…

Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

  1. We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.

They always have the lawn sprinkler on… it’s a source of constant irrigation.

  1. Why do real estate agents love Thanksgiving so much?

They have “lots” to be grateful for.

  1. Why was the realtor in counseling?

He couldn’t get closure.

  1. There are three things verbose realtors find most important:

Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.

  1. A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”

The realtor replies, “Brochure.”

  1. Why were the periodic table elements hired by the real estate company?

Because they have lots of properties!

  1. When Thor decided to leave the Avengers, he turned to real estate.

He’s going to be a real-thor.

  1. Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?

You always have to deal with battles of wills.

  1. The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.

He said it was chateau-strophic!

  1. I’m getting married to a top-producing realtor tomorrow.

He’s so dreamy. Check out the diamond engagement ring he sold me.

  1. The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.

When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”

  1. I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”

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